Paranoia

[Thinkingman85]

For the past six years I've had excessive paranoia. It developed after PTSD was born. However, I was on Adderall for a month and it got a lot worse. It was so bad that I bought a knife and went to class with it attached to my belt for protection. When I talked to people I felt like they were out to hurt me. After I quit taking the drug my paranoia subsided but not completely. I have still been trying to resolve this issue. Sometimes I think tha Adderall left permanent damage but I only took it for a month. I'm aware that I have paranoia because it is difficult to be in social situations. My mind is always looking for hidden verbal messages when people speak... like innuendo. Basically, I'm waiting to validate an assumption that people are out to get me like a self fulfilling prophecy.

I think this has a lot to do with previous abuse. I was hurt before so I don't know how to be vulnerable again in case I get hurt again. If I'm not tuned in to peoples' speech and body language there is a concern that I will get burned. However, this is a very defensive behavior and I do not desire it.

I'm wondering if therapy has helped take away paranoia from people with PTSD. Currently, I'm talking with Zain Arcane. He's a survivor of narcissistic abuse and is very insightful... much more than a textbook therapist. I'm honestly looking for a day when there is concrete proof that I am improving and headed in the right direction.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi TM,

I have struggled with terrible paranoia my whole life (or at least since age 7 or 8). Therapy didn't really help with my paranoia personally in the sense that sitting in a room where I came to feel emotionally safe didn't take away my overblown concern with my physical safety.

Do you have some central problems with paranoia? Mine were mostly around walking around outside, even in daylight, even in a safe neighborhood. I'm still afraid of parking lots after dark, but it has improved.

The only experiences that really helped me improve my paranoia in leaps and bounds was something like exposure therapy. I took a trip to a foreign country when I was 16 with a group where we did lots of things (hiking, outings in cities where we didn't have supervision for several hours but were in groups of three) that made me feel capable. Compounded with this was that I didn't have any negative associations with the radically different environment.

I realize that this is an extreme example. However, when I came back to my country, most of my paranoia returned. I had an improved ability to walk around during the day, but it wasn't great.

Then, I went to college in a very far away, very different part of the country that felt foreign. Having to learn to rely on myself and my friends while navigating the campus and the nearby city helped immensely. I went to a college with a super small student body, so almost everyone was at least a familiar face. Although I unfortunately did have some bad experiences there, on the whole, simply having to learn to trust myself, my instincts, and my capabilities in a place that was extremely different from where my trauma(s) took place was super empowering, and I was forced to go outside my comfort zone to be functional.

I became a bit of a travel junky, honestly. The self-esteem traveling seemed to offer me was very powerful and integral to my now VERY decreased paranoia (comparatively).

Would you maybe be able to or interested in joining something like a walking group near you? Where you could interact with people not necessarily in your direct area and do something (walking, hiking, rafting, kayaking, even photography or bird-watching) that would be an empowering experience you don't often (or ever) do yourself? It can get a little pricey, but I was a rock climbing instructor for years, and many climbing gyms have groups set up or accept groups for weekly or monthly empowerment programs, singles groups, and other adult programs geared toward socialization and self-esteem improvement/helping people face natural fears and anxieties that arise when rock climbing. Also, if you have a partner or family, you could take a couple private lessons and see if you're interested in getting belay certified so that you and your partner/friends/family can be self-sufficient in going to the gym and climbing/belaying yourselves! (Though I do recommend you start with an instructor as most are trained to push your limits.)

Hope this helps.

 

[EverOnly358]

TM85,

Um, yeah, Adderall. Bad stuff to be on. I was on it at one point, too. And sure, I was hyper and had energy and got lots of stuff done (so, in a way, it was better, because I wasn't lying in bed depressed all the time) but the other effects were nuts. I'm pretty sure it lead me to having bipolar disorder sooner than I might have otherwise. It's been awhile, and sometimes I do think it had a permanent effect, and sometimes I just think I had PTSD then and I have PTSD now, too. So, I guess I'm not sure about anything, except stay away from Adderall.

Paranoia is like a big red blaring alarm for me... when I start getting paranoid, really paranoid, I know things are bad. But what helps me is dealing with all the PTSD issues, because it seems like paranoia is more of a symptom of PTSD than a separate thing. At least that's how I feel about my paranoia. So, for me, it's all about reducing outside stress, limiting my schedule, doing fun, relaxing things. Therapy, too, is a good idea, of course.

I hope this helps,
D