Nosey neighbors and paranoia

[Punky143]

I live in a old house that's converted into 3 units. Not ideal but can't buy a house in this market despite my husband and I working full time making what used to be a good salary.
Anyway, in the 11 years we've been here, we've never had terrible neighbors like we do now. I'm convinced the landlord failed to do their homework and run background checks because of the following: dealing drugs (random cars will stop by for 2-5 minutes and then leave or someone goes in without a backpack yet comes out with one and this can go on for hours) they don't follow the rules listed in the lease agreement but the rest of us have to. I live in a residential neighborhood surrounded by houses that being said: they think it's a good idea to target practice in the back yard, using a fire pit that resulted in the FD coming and putting out a fire that caused property damage to neighbors house, one has a criminal hx related to distribution of narcotics and theft and arrested in front of the house, game cams are placed around the property and just this week got caught twice stealing our packages. I no longer feel comfortable at home and yes, my landlord is aware of the above and tells me let's get through the winter. I feel like they are always watching us and now they hangout in the basement right under our living room and listen to us. Am I crazy to be anxious, paranoid and miserable? Only recently I've connected the dots and this has been going on for a long time

 

[parrotthepolly]

It's terrible the landlord isn't doing anything about it. They sounds really sketchy and I can't say if they're actually listening to you in the basement but it's a possibility even if it seems illogical.

Did you contact the police cause it might be necessary, I know for a fact things won't change unless they move out.

 

[Friday]

You’re on your own. Shifting it to a landlord, is pure BS. “Let’s get through the winter.” means he has reasons of his own to WANT them there. No idea what those reasons could be, there are too many possibilities, but? He. Wants. Them. There.

So you’re choosing to stay??? Or choosing to go???

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I used to live in a similar situation. Super great until one day the crazies moved in down the hall, and then the neighborhood (building) went south fast. I left. there was no other choice; the landlord didn't do anything and the police didn't do anything either. And I'm sad that I didn't leave sooner.

Also -- I'm sorry. It's a hard situation to manage.

 

[Punky143]

You’re on your own. Shifting it to a landlord, is pure BS. “Let’s get through the winter.” means he has reasons of his own to WANT them there. No idea what those reasons could be, there are too many possibilities, but? He. Wants. Them. There.

So you’re choosing to stay??? Or choosing to go???

Where I live, finding an apartment for rent is basically impossible. Corporations are buying up property and raising prices drastically pushing locals out so yes technically I have a choice but then I'd be homeless. Just sucks for the rest of us who follow expectations, rules, laws and common decency but I'm not perfect not is anyone else.

 

[arfie]

my own hyper-vigilance follows me wherever i go, whether in a motel, a gated community or a secure facility. i wrap my miserable anxiety/paranoia into the hyper-vigilance packet. crazy i hold as a peanut gallery assessment. my hyper-vigilance is intense enough that i often feel like i need a whip and a chair to manage it. clear and present danger, such as amateur target practice, triggers my hyper-vigilance hard enough that i often need days or weeks to get that snarling beast back in its cage.

but that is me and every case is unique. venting posts like this one help me allot.

steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[Friday]

so yes technically I have a choice

Choosing to stay isn’t the end of the decision tree, it’s the very beginning. (Just like choosing to go would be the very beginning of a different decision tree.)

My point was that anxious/paranoid/miserable whilst you wait -helplessly- on other people to do what they should be doing, is a waste of finite resources. They’re not gonna step up, so …ball is in your court. There are hundreds of things you might do to address the situation(s), maybe a third of which you’d actually do, and only 5% of which is likely to be necessary to do, to achieve what you want. So making the decision to stay means it’s time to start getting creative, take action, and get your joïe de vivre back.

ETA
When I’m personally making those lists? (What the problems are/ What I want / How to go about getting it) I’ve learned I’m a lot more successful when I don’t confine myself to things I would actually do. Instead, I’ve found it’s really useful to me to come up with a bunch of different POSSIBLE TYPES of actions to take (confrontational, aggressive, passive aggressive, sneaky, assholery, borderline to outright illegal, coercive, diplomatic, triangulation, manipulation, misdirection, distraction, razzle dazzle, etc.); both so that I’m really comfortable within my own limits, and I have different options for different moods. Because I’m just NOT going to be in the mood to be calling police/EMS out every single time there’s drug trafficking, ya know? Nor am I going to leave the house every time ABC or XYZ happens (but I will do so, sometimes, or even most of the time). So having a couple of dozen different options means I can respond to the daily infuriating minutiae in the way that’s best for ME, whilst also working on a larger plan. <<< Exactly like so many other areas of life; whether it’s going to school, managing PTSD, training for a marathon, etc.

 

[Charbella]

I hate to point it out but you title this post nosey neighbor and I’m not sure you see that YOU too are a nosey neighbor. Otherwise how would you know the time someone is parked outside or what they enter and exit with?

Have you tried making friends, or even being cordial? I found neighbors that drive me nuts are usually not that bad when I stop making them out as the bad guy and mind my own business. I live in a condo on the bottom and can literally hear most of what is said and footsteps especially of the children so I’m not saying this coming from some high horse. I’ve had neighbors move in with all the ruckus that makes at 1 am on a Tuesday, my unit has been flooded 3 times now including shorting my electricity to half my home, but I’m only driving myself mad by keeping a running tally of all the things my neighbors do/have done to bug me.

 

[Punky143]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I agree, it's my choice. It's my choice to let them bother me and consume so much mental energy. I need to make a change and continue finding ways to mind my own business and focus on what I need to.
Looking back at the original post has made me more aware of my mental health decline and how much dissociation is happening.

 

[Friday]

When it IS my choice to bother, and I’m choosing that?!? That’s GOLD. Tells me sooooooo much about me, that the hassle? Is often worth it.

IE No wrong choice. Every choice, is telling as f*ck.