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Ty Alb, trust me I do not want to compare or compete for who has the most trauma, scars, whose is bigger/deeper, I have carried this one for 30 years, I have had a T for 5, and up until I joined this site I have never spoken about it in the way I did to ANYONE, now I speak my mind on a site I...

What makes you think I have only the one trauma in my life, and that they didn't start at an early age and go on into adult hood!

Is it really a flash back, when for 30 years I have seen it every single day with and with out closing my eyes, with as much clarity now as then?.

The Sun Always Shines.........somewhere!

Don't quote me on this but Im positive it was Man, that created God/s, does that make me a Creationist? Bill Nye for the win!!!

Seeing first hand what happens to them, and those that care about those that feel they cant go on from thier perspective, has forever left a bad taste in my mouth, as unfortunately he wasn't the only one in my life to take the selfish way out, So I think with that I will respectfully Agree to...

As my T points out to me, I use anger as a shield, at times, and yes im angry at all who sought/seek suicide as a solution, but I don't get angry over death that cant be helped,( I.E.),, My Dad died of cancer while holding my hand, on my birthday at the exact time I was born. should I be mad...

@Hashi don't edit as its part of healing, not all of us will se eye to eye, but to edit our thoughts and feeling is a disservice to our recovery.

@Pencil I was 18, my friend was asleep I knew the police would soon be there, at the time I thought mabey it would be better if I woke him then the cops, ill never know why things happen the way they did that night, but theres not a dam thing I can do now to change it

@Hashi mabey you should read my Intro, as then you might have a clue as to why I think the way I do, One man destroyed 3 lives in a way that most can never Phathom, ruining a sons life whom I personaly woke up and showed what his dad did, not to mention the effects it had on the 9 year old girl...

@Hashi No I have not, as no matter how bad things got I have never thought about takeing my own life, as in my view its as I said SELFISH!

Isnt that why we are all here, because of our Past, and should we not be trying to get over it and move on? at least that is my understanding, by no means do I mean to say its easy, but still!

This is going to sound cold and callus, and its meant to, I have nothing for those that think about/attempt/succeed in suicide, It is the single most selfish thing one can do to those who love and care for them. No matter how dark the sky, how rainy the day, how bleak the out look on life...

I don't look to make friends, I wait for people that are interested enough to want to make friends of Me, then it goes from there:cautious: But it has served me well ,as,, If I call you My Friend, chances are I will do my best to have your back!

Those that know me,, Truly know me, Know I have a past, but there is a lot in my past that even my wife doesn't know, let alone casual friends, its not a disguise I wear, its a wall, a wall I started building at the age of 4 and stopped construction somewhere around 30. the past 18 years I have...

Anyone with half a brain, could have just lurked amongst the shadows and gleaned dam near anything they needed, without ever giving themselves away, but its apparent that person lacked even half the brain required to accomplish even that:facepalm: pretty sure she/he ( :troll:)will not get an...

Presently Trying Something Different:wacky:

I believe the recent decision for me to open up about my PTSD is simply that the weight I have carried around for most of my life, has become so very heavy that I felt it was time for those that I truly care about, needed to understand that there are reasons for my actions. because as my wife...

You don't have to be a combat vet, to see/feel/experience trauma that will forever change your life!

Daddy... Your not broken, You just have issues....

I would prefer something more between me and Seattle

Hello, How many hail from Washington State, Im From North Bend!

I feel therapy comes in many different forms and from many different resources, be them good or bad, as we learn from both, And like anything if we don't take breaks away from every thing we take in, we tend to become congested therefore losing the ability to put things in perspective...

Thanks for the welcoming,, that experience is the first time I have ever written it down, what a rush of memory, still processing how I feel about it, I also went ahead and posted on my FB wall, to which friends of mine whom I've known decades were shocked, sure they knew I witnessed a murder...

Words that will forever haunt me, even tho I know in my heart I'm not the reason they are dead, I still think 30 years later surely I could have done something to stop it, (after all we had subdued "Pops on more then a few occasions and taken the unloaded pistol from him) but I just stood...