Suicide Is Not An Option But An Unwelcome Invitation To Hell For The Survivors

[Hashi]

@Xbreed, it's really interesting to me that the people in this thread who see so much selfishness in suicide are those who are lucky enough not to have been that depressed.

I consider myself a very strong person. I work extremely hard on healing and managing myself, all the time. I believe that we're responsible for working on our own recovery. I don't think we're helpless or powerless to do that. Despite that, I've spent a lot of time feeling suicidal. So I know that it isn't a choice, or a weakness, or lack of discipline, or out of selfishness.

So we'll have to agree to have different views. Mine based on having experienced this myself, and yours based on not knowing what it's like.

 

[Xbreed]

@Hashi mabey you should read my Intro, as then you might have a clue as to why I think the way I do, One man destroyed 3 lives in a way that most can never Phathom, ruining a sons life whom I personaly woke up and showed what his dad did, not to mention the effects it had on the 9 year old girl who woke up,without a mom and dad, so please with all do respect don't assume I have no idea what its like!

 

[Pencil]

ruining a sons life whom I personaly woke up and showed what his dad did

May I ask why you did this?

 

[Hashi]

@Xbreed, I didn't assume you have no idea what it's like - I asked you and you responded that you have never felt seriously suicidal. You told me this yourself.

From what you've now said - which you didn't say in this thread before - you know what it's like to be on the other side. That's a different thing.

I responded to what you posted here, which was a very strong negative judgement of people who even think about suicide. Therefore, a very strong negative judgement of me. You didn't mention anything about your own experiences. As such I think you could expect a strong answer. However, if you had mentioned your experiences then I wouldn't have said that judging was selfish - I think I should have qualified that statement anyway, when I made it, and I suppose there are likely to be people who are outside that. So I'm going to edit if I'm still in time.

On a forum like this, I think you need to be aware that with some things there are people here on the "opposite side" of the equation to you. For example, one of my parents failed to protect me from the other one who was abusive. There are people on this forum who have at some point been that parent - unable to protect a child from their abusive partner. If I jumped into threads telling them how wrong they were, what would that achieve? Nothing, for any of us. They were victims themselves.

 

[Pencil]

Hashi, I've also been on the 'other side' - three people who were very significant in my life have committed suicide.

I'm not angry at them for being 'selfish'.

I find the notion that people should bear unbearable pain for the sake of others really strange. On all other issues we advocate the opposite.

 

[Xbreed]

@Pencil I was 18, my friend was asleep I knew the police would soon be there, at the time I thought mabey it would be better if I woke him then the cops, ill never know why things happen the way they did that night, but theres not a dam thing I can do now to change it

 

[Xbreed]

@Hashi don't edit as its part of healing, not all of us will se eye to eye, but to edit our thoughts and feeling is a disservice to our recovery.

 

[Pencil]

@Xbreed. Thanks for explaining, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that at that age.

Intense anger is a very normal response to suicide. But it is also a normal response to death. It is one of the stages of mourning / grief.

I wonder if it is not easier to stay angry with people who commit suicide - then we don't have to go through the other stages. Anger is usually an 'easier' emotion to deal with. Have you spoken about this in therapy?

 

[Xbreed]

As my T points out to me, I use anger as a shield, at times, and yes im angry at all who sought/seek suicide as a solution, but I don't get angry over death that cant be helped,( I.E.),, My Dad died of cancer while holding my hand, on my birthday at the exact time I was born. should I be mad about that, as that was just life takeing its course and could not be helped, The Man who took his own life and that of another could be helped, I guess its a matter of perspective

 

[Pencil]

I guess its a matter of perspective

Indeed, and perhaps we need to see the issue from the perspective of those who feel they can't go on in order to understand.

 

[Xbreed]

Indeed, and perhaps we need to see the issue from the perspective of those who feel they can't go on in order to understand.

Seeing first hand what happens to them, and those that care about those that feel they cant go on from thier perspective, has forever left a bad taste in my mouth, as unfortunately he wasn't the only one in my life to take the selfish way out, So I think with that I will respectfully Agree to Disagree.

 

[Lucycat]

My big sister died of cancer at age 25. I certainly was upset ( I don't do anger). Not at her but at all the people I perceived to have let her down by not having treatment that was guaranteed to work. Yes it was a peaceful death but...

When someone takes their own life it leaves me upset also that nobody was able to successfully treat their distress or 'cure' them. It upsets me that someone is so dreadfully sad that they can see no other way out.

I do see suicide as selfish. But no more selfish than the cancer sufferer. I see both as needing to be selfish to reduce their own suffering.

I have attempted in the past. I know how devastatingly awful those suicidal thoughts are and they will not leave you alone for a minute. I remember that feeling that there really was no other way out.

I also remember how guilty I felt afterwards - especially when a friend said ' but what about me?'