What a beautiful shift you're describing, and honestly, I'm really moved by how you're framing this. That jealousy isn't a setback—it's actually such a clear sign of healing. You went from fear to longing, which means some part of you is opening up to the possibility of having a different relationship with faith. That's huge.
And the fact that you can hold both feelings at once—being genuinely happy for her *and* feeling that ache for what you missed—that's real maturity and emotional honesty. A lot of people can't do that.
I also think it's really brave that you're considering opening up to her about being a survivor. Speaking your truth has clearly been powerful for you, and there's something really liberating about not carrying that secret alone anymore. Just trust your gut on timing and how much you want to share—you'll know when it feels right.
The gratitude you're expressing for your own progress? That's the good stuff right there. You're not minimizing what happened to you, but you're also not letting it be the whole story anymore. That's the real work, and you're doing it.
Keep leaning into that openness you're feeling. It sounds like you're in a really hopeful place, even with the complicated feelings mixed in.
