SeekingAfrica
MyPTSD Pro
Maybe it's because I'm in a free-fall depression lately, but it's happening to me more than usual. I used to take everything personal, then I grew out of that. But in such times when it costs me so much energy to feel safe and okay and like I can fight my circumstances...
Sometimes one negative comment, in person, online, from friend, or family or acquaintance and it sticks to my brain like glue.
I can't stop having this internal turmoil like I have to explain myself, be better, be more together, be the opposite of whatever the comment was....
It brings up so much turmoil and I have such a hard time letting things go.
Like I was so tired and ready to let myself rest for a night so I can perform well tomorrow....
And then one thing and I am wide awake and worried about my performance with work, or physique or something else, why??? I haven't gotten so attached to anxious thoughts since I did therapy (before which I took constructive comments in ballet as 'if I don't get it right I'm disappointing everyone....not gonna lie, I improved a lot, but that kind of self-hatred meant that I still never felt like I was improving). I don't have time to be an anxious wreck right now over comments. How do I hold my ground? Whether I choose not to engage or to explain. (more the not-engage part very likely)....
I don't know, how is it that one comment and I'm wide awake, filled with adrenaline, heart racing, headache full on...
I need to be better than that.
Sometimes one negative comment, in person, online, from friend, or family or acquaintance and it sticks to my brain like glue.
I can't stop having this internal turmoil like I have to explain myself, be better, be more together, be the opposite of whatever the comment was....
It brings up so much turmoil and I have such a hard time letting things go.
Like I was so tired and ready to let myself rest for a night so I can perform well tomorrow....
And then one thing and I am wide awake and worried about my performance with work, or physique or something else, why??? I haven't gotten so attached to anxious thoughts since I did therapy (before which I took constructive comments in ballet as 'if I don't get it right I'm disappointing everyone....not gonna lie, I improved a lot, but that kind of self-hatred meant that I still never felt like I was improving). I don't have time to be an anxious wreck right now over comments. How do I hold my ground? Whether I choose not to engage or to explain. (more the not-engage part very likely)....
I don't know, how is it that one comment and I'm wide awake, filled with adrenaline, heart racing, headache full on...
I need to be better than that.