My own ma is very "not there" for me, is highly avoidant and declining.
I am sorry. It is so hard.
I get a lot of feedback that I should basically let her figure things out on her own. Maybe I am over the top with codependence but I don't think that's it. My mom loves me and I don't think she means to hurt me -- she just copes poorly.
I am going to encourage her to get help and hope that she does.
Thanks again for your insight.