Sufferer Socially awkward & anxious but a lifetime of trauma pushes me to introduce myself.

[emnchopma]

Hi. I don’t really know what to say. I’m pretty socially awkward and anxious. But I just wanted to introduce myself.

Trauma has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Witnessing abuse, receiving physical/sexual/emotional abuse. Witnessing drug use and a suicide attempt by a parent. Abuse in foster care. The list goes on.

But the hardest part for me is combatting the constant invalidation from the few family members I still speak to. I’m told that I remember everything wrong and I was never abused. I’m told that I am crazy. I’m told how much it hurt my family when I told authorities about the abuse. I’m mocked for being in therapy (just started last month) because they say I feel sorry for myself about my childhood and should just get over it. I feel like I am betraying my mom by choosing to help myself because she kind of sulks about it and complains that therapy will make me leave her. I also receive a constant minimization of my pstd symptoms.

So, while I’m addressing my core issues with my therapist, I hope to bolster my resolve against these attacks with additional support from others who may understand the guilt-tripping tactics and feelings of fear surrounding the potential loss of my most prized relationships if I choose to continue the path of healing.

 

[Susan Jane]

Welcome to the forum. Sorry for your struggles. I can relate to it. I had to let people go in order to save myself. I understand how hard it is and the fear and guilt attached. Therapy helped me find my way out of unhealthy relationships. The effects of trauma are still a struggle. You are in the right place

 

[Surefoot]

Hi. I don’t really know what to say. I’m pretty socially awkward and anxious. But I just wanted to introduce myself. Trauma has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Witnessing abuse, receiving physical/sexual/emotional abuse. Witnessing drug use and a suicide attempt by a parent. Abuse in foster care. The list goes on. But the hardest part for me is combatting the constant invalidation from the few family members I still speak to. I’m told that I remember everything wrong and I was never abused. I’m told that I am crazy. I’m told how much it hurt my family when I told authorities about the abuse. I’m mocked for being in therapy (just started last month) because they say I feel sorry for myself about my childhood and should just get over it. I feel like I am betraying my mom by choosing to help myself because she kind of sulks about it and complains that therapy will make me leave her. I also receive a constant minimization of my pstd symptoms. So, while I’m addressing my core issues with my therapist, I hope to bolster my resolve against these attacks with additional support from others who may understand the guilt-tripping tactics and feelings of fear surrounding the potential loss of my most prized relationships if I choose to continue the path of healing.

It sounds like you are moving in a good direction. I too experienced similar reactions by my family. I finally made the choice to separate myself from the problem. After my father passed, I stopped having any contact with brother and sister. That was 16 years ago. PTSD does not have to control your life. Yes it will always be a part of you, but you can have a strong meaningful life. Keep pressing towards healing!

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum.

Your post resonates. Family, for me, are not a source of support or validation. The opposite.

That’s really hard for me to accept and come to terms with. I’m achieving things in little steps - good boundaries, increasing distance, and finding support elsewhere (like here). It’s been worth it most days, but it’s still really tough.