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People have romantic relationships for love and stuff? Hubby and I were practical thinkers who could get along well, and knew our combined forces would make it easier to buy a house. We support and compliment each other to grease the wheels. I’ve never been in love.

When a friend makes a passing comment that she’s tired, and you clam up so you won’t bother her.

I don’t know about an abusive ex… but a decade after my abusive father died I was still having nightmares about him.

Just this year I got people to take me seriously enough for a psych eval. For decades the doctors just ran a few tests and told me to deal with it. I was a problem patient at my local ER. Take a B12 supplement, they said. They never once thought to let me see a psychiatrist. Only recently did I...

I’ve found memory recall to be the best release for anger, fear, and other poisons. It’s hard to forgive an abstract offense you can’t even identify. For me anyway. And I don’t want to live in a prison of weirdly raging at dandelions for no apparent reason. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

For me personally, all of my breakthroughs have been my own making. I'm on my second counselor. She's the same as the first, mostly a life coach trying to stamp out my stress problems. Once a week she listens to an overview of my latest adventures, and gives me homework to try another meditation...

war

If you don’t know triggers, you can start with your likes and dislikes. Especially any dislike that seems odd. Look for quirky behaviors, or times you get oddly preoccupied with a random diversion. Also ask your close loved ones. What are odd things you do or say? Another idea is to sit and...

I’ve gotten more compliments for my ankles/feet than I have for my face. True story. One time this guy I barely knew approached me and said out of the blue “you have perfect ankles.” I said thanks I guess? Meanwhile my poor face gets nothing.

Plus

Kath it sounds like you’re upset that PTSD is assigned to the anxiety spectrum with no consideration for mental handicaps that can arise. Is that what you’re really saying?

I can see both sides of this. One one hand, Kath is right that it isn't productive to sit around competing over who has it worse, or to tell other people their struggle is not so bad. And yes the public is broadly uninformed about PTSD. The average person really doesn't know what kind of toll it...

Monopoly

The thing about calming techniques (breathing, meditation) is they’re not a quick fix. You have to practice them daily and lower your tension over time. Some gyms have therapeutic stress management amenities. I’d go to the resource center at your university and ask how they can help.

Sorry this happened to you. That sounds super frustrating. Have you seen a physical therapist? Chiropractor? A muscle issue like this won’t respond to EMDR.

When I left my family, I adopted CS Lewis as kind of a stepfather. I read his books over and over to let his wisdom sink into my mind. In life situations, I'd pretend he was with me, and ask what he wanted me to do. There's one surviving audio tape of him talking. Sometimes I play it just to...

No, you're not a bad person. You were young. In a way it's good that you're sad about it, because you'd never do it again. But don't let the sadness be too much. You need to move past it.

Yes this is extremely common. Sad, but common. For your own sanity you need to move past it.

bite

I'd be up for a Zoom call or something

orthodox

It doesn’t sound to me like your brother had healthy support elsewhere. Sounds like he chose denial. Many children often block out memories of abuse.

Circumference

I've known a few women like your mother. It's a miracle your father made it to 91. My advice is, your father's funeral is not the day to hash this out. You're at HIS funeral for HIM. Just for that day, ask yourself what he'd want you to do. However... in the days or weeks after... make a plan...