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Boxes of his stuff are being moved. I feel like Giles Corey in reverse. Which is good, because I always feel like Richard Cory.

I realized I have a postscript. The hard part is finally over. It’s the part where I keep going back to find something I think will still be there for me, but it never is, and I realize it never was. Some grand Maya shit, really. Like dreaming I found treasure in my garden. I claw around in...

When the illusion breaks, there is no means of reassembling it. I had a coworker for years who was in this insane abusive marriage, and many of my other coworkers would try to pry her eyes open. Her rationale for putting up with everything never made any actual sense. They tried to reason with...

I am so glad. My personal favorite also comes from a member here, @Stickler ‘s burning mattress. I’m ready to stop dragging around a burning mattress. And yes. Here am I. Send me.

I am so overwhelmed by this saga I struggle to even touch it with words. Language is my frame in all things, but capturing these events is like trying to snap a photo of a pyramid made entirely of 30ft tall cards that tumble in perpetuity as I stand directly at its base, my lens unable to...

@Friday Oh f*ck how well you know me my beloved friend.

Very, very, very defensively. Denial. Indignation. Anger. Disbelief. Laughter. Nonsense bullshit. Oh, hush. You’re on my Most Wanted for Comment list, always. I love hearing from you. I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t respond to your last post. And then he got better. And I was happier. And then...

I want to set something on fire. There is only one perfect parallel to the slide into schizophrenia. Something he has a very storied history with. But I didn’t want to believe it, even when my buddy told me point blank it’s what he saw. Meth-induced psychosis. The spiral into increasing...

Ugh. @joeylittle. You’re helpful as ever. So like, important thing I never mentioned, probably even to you privately before I even started dating J? You remember: I asked you for an intervention. Good times! So part of the reason I didn’t want to touch him with a 10-mile-long pole romantically...

I’ve also had psychosis as a pretty regular feature of my PTSD, which is why I find it SO frustrating he’s so defensive. It’s like he can’t even remember that I’m particularly open about having a treatment-resistant incurable mental health disorder myself.

Yeah, so, the title. I don’t think I shared it here, but we were never legally married. I was pretty into the idea until sometime last Spring, about 6 months after the ceremony. I became sort of passively ambivalent. Then the summer came, and it went from the back burner to “let’s never discuss...

I did the hard thing that was the correct thing to right my mental health ship. I gave my notice at my job, which started out as a “This place is a fixer-upper worth my energy” and quickly devolved through losing 20% of our staff into “This is an unsafe environment that is leveraging emotionally...

No. Nope. F*ck no. I do not. @Friday I would say on my ass, but then how is it getting kicked so hard? That’s a thinker. Yeah I’m absolutely not okay at all. I wish I could say much more than that. It’s very difficult to compare this, uh, symptomatic *kerfuffle* with any other time in my life...

Yeah, I will admit no longer drinking like it’s my job but still having the synergy of taking clonopin has dramatically changed my ability to drink at all. I went to a Halloween party. I made it through ONE beer... in six hours.

It’s weird what a salve it is to know the people you respect most and consider excessively capable also struggle with things that are so often framed as a basic adult responsibility/task everyone should be able to tackle all the time forever with relative ease. I was particularly anticipating...

The only memory I have where my hands are pulled behind my back is when two boys, brothers, jumped out of seemingly nowhere when I was maybe five or so. They were 8-10. My brother babysat them around that time, then suddenly that stopped. I’ve had my suspicions since I was 15 or so about why...

I actually got these kinder handcuffs. I’m in a city that’s really improved its law enforcement policies thanks to its booming population of leftist denizens with a profoundly critical view of law enforcement, and it was a State trooper, which apparently meant I likely had a far better...

Those of you who know me are probably thinking that if I got arrested, I was being self-destructive. Plenty of you have watched me flirt with alcoholism and invest earnestly in other addictions carrying far worse legal implications. But no. As is the trend in my life, I tend to get caught doing...

So I definitely had some feels around this notion. At the conclusion of my fourth week, I was fairly sure I was getting the promotion from assistant to bonafide. But my boss(? Sort of) wouldn’t just tell me, because he’s like an untethered balloon that alights and drifts away at random, and I...

I’m still processing this in little jolts of terror and elation. It’s like trying to look at the sun. I can’t stare at it directly. But I f*cking did it, so I thought I would share. Approximately 10 weeks ago, in the midst of my life just taking a massive dump on me in what felt like...

You always know how to make a girl smile. You have seen me inhabit some places. It’s just been so long since I was going to bars because I ran out of money and getting in cars with random dudes with my knife under my thigh because I want them to come at me. I do feel better since I asked my...

I’ve been stuck on this f*cking mountain for a full month. I left for one day to crush an interview and drink my body weight in assorted liquor I wasn’t paying for. I did good, though. Only had drinks bought by girls. Looked alive. Didn’t leave my or their drinks alone. So I’ve been joking that...

I’m not starting new threads in Nightmares or Dissociation because it’s all f*cking Dysregulation. I’m f*cking old now. I remember when we put Dysregulation in here. Hell... I modded it. Weird to think about when I’m in the shit again so deep. Anyway. Where to start. I’m angry all the time, but...

Hello new member. Normally I welcome new members like it’s my job... in the Introductions forum, where I am enthusiastic, warm, and otherwise dripping with good will. But you’re in my thread—my Dysregulation thread about rage. So I would like to say in advance that this is not a great place to...

The last time my father—although it was both of them, my parents, at least the united front they always maintained that always looks increasingly superficial in hindsight—used words that so diminished my experience, I blacked out. All I remember hearing was something about Why is this such a...