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Have posted a few times on these threads... Very sad tonight. Is anyone around, please? Not worrisome, just sad and needing some input. Tx.

I'm sorry, don't panic. I will be honest- I did not know what was happening until I could look back. Mine seemed to be sort of vibrating from somewhere distant, plus I developed paranoia and became fearful of being watched, the worst hit when I was alone and thought someone was talking in my...

Yeah I agree. Thinking yr a piece of garbage starting young... Adds up over the years.

For me, btw never diagnosed with dissociative, when I lost it so to speak it was awful. I thought people were watching me through walls and mirrors, saw men with guns, drove my car all around trying to "escape"- it just took time to come out of it. At least I know police response time is quick...

Not 100% sure where your at with this... But I had several and had to basically be woken up so to speak, I was so lost and scared. Just amazing what the human mind is capable of. The cops called my family and had my poor mother explain to me that I had been hallucinating. Did not snap out of it...

Just a quick comment... From my experience, if you undergo a true psychotic break you will be told after the fact. You will have no idea that your perceptions are hallucinatory and will behave accordingly. Mine were intensely frightening and manic, seeing people weapons etc that did not exist...

Appreciate that. I guess when you're constantly apologizing as a child hard to break the habit.

Holly- Cognitive Processing Therapy. In a terribly understated nutshell, you have chapters to cover each week. Can't remember the order but yr therapist will assign homework- you do a sort of essay about primary trauma, mine had me read it to her and I read as much as I was capable. Then you...

I believe for me sort of airing out my demons was essential- I'm sure it differs for others. Discussing the hard stuff was awful and I still dread going there; however, there's something about finally establishing trust w my doctors that has been tremendously helpful. Before I found insane...

It's like, 50 yrs ago they'd say hey, get up go to work and just cope. Now I see people w all ranges of disability injury etc being treated. Not sure how I feel about that, even my own treatment. I'm constantly apologetic bc I feel like I'm wasting other people's valuable time w my insignificant...

Do any of you folks know of a better pharm for sleep? Been through a litany of anti-depressants and sleep meds for chronic insomnia. Just got prescribed a benzo which I didn't realize what it was til researching on the web-horrible history of alcoholism and afraid to take it. I am at wits end w...

Amazing... Ok I was molested, raped, broke my back in military service, lost everything I knew and loved, developing seizure activity, etc etc... But I never called it PTSD until I was told and even now I feel like especially from military service you just get back up and keep on. I fight for...

I do CPT which I believe is similar but my therapist and I have been in the trenches together over the past year. Meaning, she is amazing and allowed me to feel ok telling her some awful things I have never told anyone. We have gone through real memories, recurring nightmares, etc. I typically...

Don't know if this will resonate w you- but I only recently discovered that I have some sort of human emotion. Am 34. Def got abused in a lot of ways, for sure the emotional from peers (you're a whore, you're this and that) from my father ( you want an f-ing knuckle sandwich, get over here and...

Does anyone have opinions etc on self-harm starting later on? I recently started cutting and find I really liked how it made me feel. Haven't been abused in a long time but getting into therapy issues that are really difficult. Makes me feel like I have control and I don't understand it. Sorry...

Much agreed. Trying to put out those fires constantly, as you put it, is so exhausting. Was always trying to settle him down and minimize my issues. Being a subservient girlfriend to avoid an altercation. And it made me feel awful bc I am not passive. Past relationships mostly all went the same...

In terms of disassociative disorder, with a psych background although I am certainly not a doctor, I'm on the fence on this one. I've had horrible paralyzing moments where I will stand staring for minutes before realizing I'm still there. For me, it is my hyper vigilance kicking in most times. I...

I don't know. I have gotten myself into a few more relationships than I thought possible w PTSD sufferers. My last was w a man who I was w a year, I am a female veteran and he a male, and he lied, stole and took everything he could from me wo me realizing til close to the end. I wanted nothing...

Venator, Hope things are going ok. You are kind of the first person to touch base w me and it is greatly appreciated.

Kahlan- thanks. Am just so sick of feeling alone, my Mom and brother don't believe me- I'm just a drunk making stuff up. Nice to know there is someone in the world who can commiserate. I'm not great at navigating this site yet but trying. Hate the nights, my PTSD from everything gets bad...

I don't know. It's unimaginable when I look around at especially girls around me who I went to school with for years who called me a slut, a whore, a drunk- I didn't understand that the way to get attention did not mean inappropriate sex. It took me years to figure that out. I always thought I...

I don't remember much from when I was little but can identify w your story. Mine was my father. I was always the bad kid who was a screwup despite what I did. Doing CPT w a wonderful therapist, trying to talk through the nightmares and constant fear. Used drinking to let go for a long time...

Venator- btw am proud of you. I know the pain of even moving some days. Get some sleep if you can, I try to do one thing a day at a time. Sounds silly but all my brain can wrap around rt now.

Honey- my goodness. I went through a lot of that crap but don't remember much. I'm so sorry. You are going to have to find your strength and do it yourself like you always have. What a nightmare- but, I'm finding I have to fix it instead of being hurt and mad constantly. It's awful. It's unfair...

Also have experienced psychotic breaks, twice. Very freaking scary. Can give you some info if you need it. It's difficult to understand unless you've had one.