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  1. W

    New Beginning, Still Fighting The Past

    I do not come here much these days, although I first came to this sight to have a safe anonymous way to cope with what I am dealing with, I still have trouble feeling safe. So I decided to do a majority of my coping on my own. But at this time I am struggling deeply. Starting a new job, abusive...
  2. W

    Ripped Away

    I have not been here in a while, but I do feel the need to vent. I had e huge fight with my love. We both did and said things that we not nice, but when things escalated he lost control, He did not hit me or anything, but he took all my stuff and car and told me he was leaving me. He also said a...
  3. W

    Checking In

    I have not been going on this site much lately. I am still battling my at times severe symptoms. But I am getting better at it in a lot of ways. I just wanted to let everyone on here know I am fine, I am in the struggle, but I am still surviving.
  4. W

    Stigma?

    Its very wrong because studies show that it is far more then being depressed, anorexic, or other that has driven people to mass murder. I am very surprised that a place were people were suppose to be educated would allow this. Its sounds to me like the education you may receive there may not be...
  5. W

    There Is A Ball In The Corner Of The Room

    @Springer80 i'ts mixed martial arts, I decided to start training to know I can defend myself. @KwanYingirl The training I train in teaches you to use leverage to defeat an opponent. I have learned to throw someone three times my size. It's just a choking escape on the wall does not have much...
  6. W

    There Is A Ball In The Corner Of The Room

    Today is MMA training they had us stand against the wall and have someone choke us. I freaked (my ex almost killed me by holding me up against the wall and choking me) during the demonstration I felt myself go into panic mode. My mind wondered in and out of flashes of memories, dangling legs...
  7. W

    I Have Been Going Through A Hard Time Lately

    That was really sweet, thank you so much, I will hold on to that too
  8. W

    I Have Been Going Through A Hard Time Lately

    Thank you for checking in on me, I have been pretty busy lately. I started emdr therapy and I feel hopeful about it, and have been using other methods to cope. I still struggle greatly, but I manage. I feel hope now, and thats all I can really hold on to.
  9. W

    My Sister

    To sum up the story of me and my sister, we grew up with a single mom, my dad was abusive and molested us both, I protected her from him, when we became teens she got very angry, my mom was depressed so she was not around much. So I took care of her even though she was older, she needed a lot of...
  10. W

    Dear Daniel

    Dear Daniel, I loved you once, I still do, and I do not understand why. I don't understand a lot of things. It has been five years since we were together and the wounds you left can be just as fresh. I struggle with the feelings of betrayal and longing. I fight calling you and being with you. I...
  11. W

    Having Some Energy Troubles

    I have been having nightmares and avoiding sleeping, I have been waking up crying, or crying myself to sleep. I am just so tired. I have to take anxiety meds just to calm myself enough to get to sleep. But then I wake up exhausted. My mind is racing, and I can not focus as well on my studies. I...
  12. W

    Running

    Thank you, I will use your advice.
  13. W

    Running

    I just wrote a thread about being stronger, but to be honest that running behind me incident was not easy. I knew it was the guy from class, he seems to like to mess with me. I don't think he is good at reading people and when they are uncomfortable. I heard a couple of loud quick steps, but...
  14. W

    Getting Stronger

    I have been getting much stronger these days. I know the threat is there (my past abuser moving back, he use to threaten me and almost killed my cat) but I can't keep letting it control me. I know at any moment something can happen. The hardest part is knowing that the attack can be anything...
  15. W

    Can't Focus

    The tips did help alot, but today was a tough dissociative day. But pushing myself to follow some guideline and study aids helped a bunch.
  16. W

    Can't Focus

    Do you have any grounding techniques you can recomend
  17. W

    Can't Focus

    Wow thanks! I will try that, I will let you know if it helped tonight
  18. W

    Can't Focus

    I have summer classes, and I am so frustrated because I can not focus on my readings. I keep reading the same sentence over and over again, and my brain just cannot retain the info. I have an appointment to possibly get on meds, but thats not until two weeks. I am hoping to get something to help...
  19. W

    Vent

    When I wrote the post, I was talking about fighting the flashbacks, and symptoms of ptsd, so breathing is a great solution to that. But when I think of being against something, I think of all the cruelty I was witnessed.
  20. W

    Vent

    But there is so much cruelty in the world, and that is something I want to be against.
  21. W

    Vent

    I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight I have to fight.
  22. W

    I Have Been Going Through A Hard Time Lately

    So many flashbacks, sadness and shame. I have been reading in on flashbacks and I read that having lots of flashbacks is actually healthy. It shows healing has begun. But it hurt. It hurt. It hurts. It hurts, so much to relive. I want it to stop, that all I want, I just want my brain to stop, to...
  23. W

    I Have Been Going Through A Hard Time Lately

    So many flashbacks, sadness and shame. I have been reading in on flashbacks and I read that having lots of flashbacks is actually healthy. It shows healing has begun. But it hurt. It hurt. It hurts. It hurts, so much to relive. I want it to stop, that all I want, I just want my brain to stop, to...
  24. W

    As A Woman

    As a woman I can not show skin As a Woman I can't speak up As a Woman I can't laugh at mens jokes As a Woman I can not smile As a woman I can not show pride As a woman I am not aloud to express myself sexually As a woman I can not make men laugh As a woman I can't find equality Because if I...
  25. W

    Dissociation?

    I am not myself today. I do not feel like I am here, I am in a fog, I am so tired. I can't bring myself back. My bf is taking me on a trip to try to help me recover, but I feel so hazie. I just want to come back. I am so tired, but I keep pushing myself. I am sad and I am not exactly sure why. I...
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