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You will be in my thoughts tomorrow Lost Hope. I hope school is a great source of stability and happiness for you and that you feel confident there. I agree with Laura 2, you are well spoken and obviously very intelligent, I think those traits are worth sharing with the world for many years in...

Ms Spock Thanks for the thread! I have been super triggered thinking about the people in my life who stopped listening when things got hard, one person would literally yell into the phone "I'm not listening, I'm not listening..." and of course I would have fits of rage and end up screaming back...

What do you mean by impossible to make progress on anything else? Do you mean that the bipolar has to be evened out first before PTSD can be treated? I want to understand what you said, not to be rude I just need clarification. Maybe it's my dyslexia, sorry. In response to this post in...

If you call the national suicide hot line it routes you to the closest one. I call all the time, and I tell them , I am not suicidal but I am afraid if I don't talk I could get more depressed, They let me speak for as long as I need to and even offer to call back the next day to check on me...

This thread has been so helpful. M y mom told everyone I was making up the seizures, this makes me feel better in that it is a real thing, not just me being nuts by myself. What do people do when they live alone? I seized and blacked out last week during mother's day and got my head all banged...

I am not giving advise but if the porn hurts you so much you hurt yourself to try to live up to an expectation you think he has in terms of sexual needs, I think you should evaluate what kind of example that sets for your daughter. Yes, I get you feel guilty about the eating disorder, but...

Thanks, that's why I am getting e mails, but still triggered. I know i wont sleep tonight or go outside or use my phone tomorrow. I am so tired of this cycle.

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Thanks gizmo, I am connected with those kind of organizations, and I did disconnect as best I could. She doesn't know where I live and I threw out my old phone, closed old email accounts. I just want to keep my daughter safe from her, and I want all those good things I have done in my life...

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I am really triggered right now. I had to get an email from my mom to my dad for my attorneys. In it she says she never actually called social services on my and my daughter's abuser. He has full custody of her now and after he raped me again I started running, I threw out my phone because he...

I ran, like, majorly, four states and 8 homes in less than two years. It was good to escape my abusers, but running and running doesn't really make a difference. I think the best thing is to find a good support system and stick to it like white on rice. This thread is great, I haven't laughed...

This article is great. I wish I could share it with my mom so she would see me and treat me like a person instead of "you're so sick honey you are just so sick, you're a disease" but I know that would be just like rubbing my body with raw steak and prancing past the tiger's lair. The part...

People with out PTSD just don't get it, they can't. Like JEK said, you never can imagine what this is like and you can imagine a lot, sometimes I scream when I am alone that all this can't be real, that so my worst night mares could be happening day in and out and the pain inside is too much to...

Yes!!! Today was awful, and I am so glad it is over, yeah, we made it through!!! I have been on this web site and calling a counseling hotline literally all day, if I am not on one I am on the other. If you aren't Christian please don't be offended, I am just relaying something, mainly for...

My rapist spent the first twenty minutes of court talking about my body and my weight. I appreciate this thread. My mother is anorexic and pushed her expectations onto me. She would follow me around the kitchen and no matter how thin I ever got she would say that at her thinnest she was five...

Thanks, I don't expect a prescription or any thing, some times I learn about medications I would have never heard of, then I can research them and have a more open discussion with my doctor. For example I don't have medical insurance and I get my treatment through a grant I applied for. The...

Thanks, today was really hard, but tonight was the best night in over a year, since before my daughter left. It was still empty and missing us girls, us, together, but it was ok and I smiled and meant it. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am sorry for the senselessness of it all, because...

I had a rough start today too, but tonight I helped a woman I barely know throw a party at my apartment's club house. I think she thought I worked there, so I just helped. I have no food, and no money and was counting on a weekend of being hungry and alone. Instead I was surrounded by children...

I started Welbutrin two months ago and have gone up to 300 mg. It is nice for the first time in over two years I have been able to read full articles, books, and watch tv and movies with focus instead of just the flash backs and crying fits. I am still incredably depressed, and it makes me...

Abilify is awful! I gained 30 pounds on it in less than three months despite being a long distance runner. I stopped sleeping completly despite taking higher doses of medication that had helped me sleep with no issues for years. I ground my teeth till my gums bled and had heart palpitations and...

I spent another three days not showering or exercising. Tommorow is Mother's day, third year with out my daughter, third year she is with my rapist instead of me. Third year I couldn't deliver all her hopes to her. I didn't exercisse again today, I didn't sleep last night and I felt sick. I did...

My husband took full custody of my daughter after he raped me, and my divorce attorney didn't show any of the evidence, or let single witness testify, so the judge punished and humiliated me. He gave my ex full custody and would not allow us to have visitation meet ups at the police station any...

I used to play classical very quietly for my daughter and we would read Mathew or Corinthians to try and have hope that one day the abuse would stop. Now she is with her father who abused us, and is still abusing her, I have no legal right to see or protect or help her anymore. Every night I lay...

The man that raped me always told me it was my fault. It took years of therapy and sneaking out to group counselling to get the nerve to believe in myself. Then when we did get to court he painted me to be an alcoholic and promiscuous. The judge gave him my child and told me to get my act...