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As of March 30, 2015 I earned back my freedom. 5 years of ongoing sexual abuse are finally coming to a close, and I couldn't feel more alive.

The only other thing I've had is ovarian cysts, but I'm clear currently. As far as getting sick goes, it probably was the adrenaline levels and panic getting to be too much. I always used to get ill at the T's office.

I just got threw vomiting a over the pool table I was laying on ( gross, I know ). Does anyone else get really terrible pains in the abdomen before a flash back? The pains made me sick, and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for the advice, i'm going to look into the ear phones. The over stimulation makes sense, i've been really easy to startle even when it's fairly quiet. It's kind of strange how certain noises really get to me and others don't. For example, i keep my music on really loud because, it helps...

Hey there. So i just came from my college 3-D sculpture course, in which lots of heavy machinery and blades are in use. For some reason, as soon as the heavy machinery and saws came on i started to feel this overwhelming sense of panic, doom, and became extremely hyper-vigilant. Do any other...

So it seems that death is the only card left. Despite being away from home, my PTSD and depression have been much worse than ever before. Most days come out to be bad days, even if they start out alright. i've had it. If i'm not constantly terrified of my actual abuser coming here to do as he...

This is a really thought provoking thread. Dissociation as a coping skill became a problem around 15 years old but, i think it must have started when i was younger. Can it be worsened by other instances of abuse?

@FridayJones thanks for clarifying, i misinterpreted your post above a bit. This situation isn't new. He's been doing this since i was 14. To clarify, we were never lovers, or anything of that nature. He was my closest and only friend, and it all just went completely to hell. i've been trying...

@Lucycat contacting my family would be a mistake. i told them only of the first time i was raped, when i was 15. Before i left home, my parents idea of fun was then inquiring "how'd you take it today?" after returning home from school. Never again. i did talk to my floor CA vaguely, and i plan...

Thank you for all the advice, i really do appreciate it. Thank you for taking time to listen. However, police intervention is not an option. He WILL murder me. A restraining order is the only definite thing i'd get- and he would take that opportunity to shut me up. i had a vague conversation...

Currently, there isn't a safe way to stay away from him. Getting any form of assistance from the police would just piss him off. i have considered a restraining order, but fear for my life. While breaking it would result in arrest, it only takes one time to strangle the life out of me...

For the last two weeks i've been having a very specific nightmare, over and over again. In it i relive previous rapes and subsequently become pregnant with my assaulters child. Every night i've woken up sweating and utterly mortified. Then throughout the day i can't seem to shake the fear that...

Thank you so much for your support and feedback. i have been really struggling. Over the years i did end up going to therapy for my issues- several partial care programs and transfer to a therapeutic school. Therapy did help, but only to an extent. i want to get a restraining order, and go...

To anyone reading this, i am sorry. It's going to be long and droning and possibly triggering. So... i've been dealing with my complex PTSD for nearly four years now, and it seems to be inescapable. Recently, i left home to begin my first year at college, hoping i would be able to create some...