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I was almost ready to tell them about what happened.. about all that hell.. but then something terrible happened to my sister, and now its like last summer all over again. same thoughts and horrible feelings.. but I want to tell someone about what happened.

I don't know why or how, but so many people says I destroy them.. Bring out the worst in them. I don't know why I don't mean to... Something terrible happened yesterday.. My sister's boyfriend.. It brings back so many memories.. I feel like dying and puking.. With my best friend but shall go...

And oh, my neighbour is screaming.. again, like always. I'm always scared, hate having to meet him when I go outside, scared he is gonna break into my apartment because he is so angry at someone, always

I start to feel something again, and then I shut off.. I can't help it, can't stop it. It's scary to feel, to be vulnerable, but it is also so awfully boring being empty..

I dont want to have a body anymore. I dont ant to be just a body to some. I want to be nothing, in another form. Where nodoby can ever touch me again.

I feel scared but there is some other feeling too that is beginning to take over my fear. I cant identify it, but it's not a good feeling.

There was a power outage in my neighbourhood tonight. When the power in my partment shut oiff my first thought that he was here and would kill ne. then I looked out and I thought I had gone mad, everything was black. it was horrrible. brougt back so many memories and not knowing what is in the...

I can't take this. How many times before havent I said that? But it's true, it always have been. I am tired and sick of this. I'm trying to remind myself that it is aunday and I always get worse during sundays. But really, it seems like it is sunday everyday and I am tired of it. Of everything...

I really shouldn't be surprises whenever my mom lies, break her promises or let me down anymore. .. and i shouldn't feel so sad all the time, you think i should be used to itby now. But gosh im not. I keep on hoping this time shall be different. I'm so angry because I remember once when I tried...

I barely slept at all. Two hours, I Think? During that time I don't remember having a bad Dream at least. that is good.

I'm in school, and it's bad. Like really really bad. I try and tell myself to go into a role, so I won't feel anything. But it's hard right now.

Thank you (:

Well.. today has been both good and bad. I actually got things done today, yey! (: I vacuumed my apartment, I finally picked up Three of my moving boxes (I have lived here for 7 months now, and still haven't got it done, oopsie), and then threw trash, and then I did the dish, and then I took a...

No good, had a nightmare again.. Sigh ):

Sad. Disappointed. But it was to be expected. I don't know why I'm so persistent in hoping, even though I know it's all in vain. It's a nice feeling at first, hope. Then it's just depressing. I knew it would be like this, but I hoped, a bit careful at first, and then I actually let myself...

Another bad night. It was good at first, because my friend is here. But now she is sleeping, and I'm doing Everything I can to avoid sleep. Avoid the nightmares. I can't deal with the thought of going to school tomorrow. I can't deal with the thought of going anywhere tomorrow!

Bad night. Every night is bad, but tonight is even worse. I'm scared someone is going to break into my apartment, because there is so many sounds. I keep on looking out the peephole in my door, and out my windows. It's empty. Another sound again. I flinch. I want to stop thinking about...