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I'm going in to the VA tonight. The crushing depression is bearing down... won a lot of battles, yet the front keeps moving backward. 'Fer crying out loud, just calling these folks felt like running naked around Green Lake. Pushing boulders. I'll let you know how it goes. M

Ugh. Its got to be so rough to be in love with a PTSD sufferer. My ex wife was manic depressive, is today going to be a bad day(s), where she cannot get out of bed, leaves the curtains closed, or a manic day where she paints the basement- roof, walls & ceiling chartruse (I'm not kidding!)...

Welcome, Kat. What a horrible experience. I'm certain there is a special little corner in Hell for persons you faced. Keep moving forward. Welcome to the forums! M

I have a few classic Mercedes. My "way out" has been backing my favorite (neither the most expensive, or the flashiest, but it's my fave) into the small garage. Put some old Motown on the radio, let her idle & slip away. Luckily, I have a kid & a dog I love even more than the'Benz...

Hey, @Becksknox I'm just one of the sufferers, so I can only imagine what we put those around us through. It cannot be pleasant. Someone wiser than I said that the path to recovery is actually a bunch of circles, some large, some smaller, but rarely is it a straight line. M

Thanks. There are limited numbers of options to process this, 1)avoidance- worked great for a number of years, 2)Drinks/Drugs- worked great for years after avoidance stopped working. After that car fire, its obvious 1 isn't working that well anymore, and 2 is killing me. However, this is the...

Ugh. Thanx. It's out there. Time shall tell. M

Everyone here thinks of you as a hero, @fuzzypenguin (Little "h", but better than a kick in the ass!) That's today. Tomorrow, more mountains, more boulders. (Or if you're in Australia apparently, shit & pointy sticks!) :joyful: M Oh, gawd I crack myself up!! Too bad it all seems lost on...

It's rough. I know it, too. But its not a f***ing boulder, and you're not climbing mountains, its a telephone call to someone you love. Anyone of many, I'm sure! Pick up the phone, @fuzzypenguin . You may hate me for coahing you here, but there were times i hated all my fave coaches. I'm...

So sorry. The film was obviously not a mass market flick, even years ago. I saw it on Netflix, but it appears to be gone now. If you find it, do watch it. Sorry. M

@CharMarSpar - Welcome, and I could say something, however so much has been said above, and far more eloquently than I could. We are here for you, I hope that you find something useful here, and decide to contribute in return. Additionaly, you are wanted, needed, and loved. You are...

Find a group in your city to meet with... many cities allow you to call "411". I'm sure you will find many others who have been where you are. They may even have something helpful for you. You are wanted, needed, and despite what your mind may try to tell you at this point, loved. M

That was brave. It can feel like pushing boulders uphill, no? Let us all know how the call goes, my friend. :cool: Keep moving forward. M

Thanx. All of you. It's tough seeing an operation go violently sideways... with tragic results. What makes me sick, and gums up my mind to this day is the callousness my friend's life was swept aside, as so often happens in our military. Especially if that life is young & enlisted. Why were...

Guilty as charged. I've been down this road enough that I understand that if you don't keep moving forward, you are moving backwards. I reached out to a great friend who thought I "fell off the edge of the Earth" when this depression crashed down on me a month or so ago. Actually the talk...

Aw, gawd, you Aussies! I love you and the whole, slightly mad country!:woot: M BTW, never met an AU's who's manner of greeting other people who was socially acceptable! :eek:

First of all, Ethule, what you have been subjected to is unfathomable. With the trials, boyfriends, and basic teenage life, it must have been rough. I hope you have rebuilt a "Family by Choice", a term some CSA survivors use. Hang in there. You are wanted, needed, and loved. M

"Cursing the sunlight". A skillset rarely appreciated outside of those with major depression and the meth-heads down by the airport! :hungover: M Haha...ugh.

Also, FuzzyPenguin, you are wanted, needed, and regardless of what your own mind may want you to believe at this point, loved. You are welcome to PM me anytime you want. M BTW, I expect you will contact someone you love, and provide feedback w\i 24. ;)

Hey- FuzzyPenguin- You KNOW this is exactly how this disease attacks us... first through our perceptions, then once behind the battle line, the other units fall. Stand tall. You mean to more to others than your mind is allowing you to realize right now. This is exactly how our mutual enemy-...

I'm terrified this depression could cost my life, but is when I feel alive, too. I don't understand. M

That talk tore through my soul like a blaze. BTW, have you seen the movie "The Bridge"? (On Netflix.). Gawd, so much pain... but that spiral is just a component of depression. But, an astonishing, deep seated hope and compassion. If you have a moment, do watch it. Bring the f***ing...

Wow... thanks. Matt

As I had discussed with Steph, I have never gone into any details about the incident which interferes with my sleep. Here's how it went down. I figure I can mostly trust you all with this info... and can trust that I won't get too many rotten tomatoes or eggs thrown my way, unless I've earned...

Hi, Casey- The primary reason I use alcohol & the other shit is to keep from feeling. It's an inaccurate weapon, destroying everything around as my self prescribed medication goes about doing its duty. :confused: Matt