Relationship Coming Unglued And Can't Stop Crying.

[Becksknox]

My guy is back to pulling away after a great week. I'm coming unglued because I feel like I'm losing him again. I cried myself to sleep last night and since I woken today I've cried until I took a Xanax. Is it normal for them to be ok a few days and then pull away ago? It's ripping my heart apart like when it first happened.

He even went so far as to ask me to dinner this week and it felt great and almost like we were a couple again. But then he's been aloof since then. Pulling away. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Someone please help me. This push pull is going to tear me apart. I am doing my best to take care of me but times like this it's so hard and my counselor has nothing open until the 23rd

 

[Matt1055]

My guy is back to pulling away after a great week. I'm coming unglued because I feel like I'm losing h...

Hey, @Becksknox

I'm just one of the sufferers, so I can only imagine what we put those around us through. It cannot be pleasant.

Someone wiser than I said that the path to recovery is actually a bunch of circles, some large, some smaller, but rarely is it a straight line.

M

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Is it normal for them to be ok a few days and then pull away ago?

There is no "normal" and there is no "them". I know nothing about your loved one so I can't tell you if it is typical for him to pull away after a few days. What I can tell you is that it is typical for me to feel great for stretches of time and then want to pull away from everything and everyone especially when something stressful or overwhelming happens. Have you tried asking him what has changed? Love shouldn't be a burden. I know I frustrate my husband, but I also know he loves and supports me and does his best to understand me and I do the same for him. It's just sometimes there are days when PTSD wins, but then tomorrow comes and we get to try again. Just try to remember there is no "them". Each person no matter what is an individual and his pulling away could be related to PTSD or it could be something else. My best advice is to do what you can to communicate on your end and see what happens.

 

[Becksknox]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve i haven't. I don't want to push him bc he has already has said it causes more pressure and stress and anxiety so I just follow him. Calls and texts are up to him. But he did text earlier and ask if we could see eachother Sunday. I'm fine with that. Our therapist, who we see has said that when we are angry or any negative emotion, we take it out on the ones we love the most or are the closest to. I can accept that. It's just being patient can push me over the edge sometimes. It's been a good week until today. I also looked at the date and realized its the anniversary of my divorce that I never wanted because I wanted to be married us forever. But it was also an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship so I had to leave finally after 15 years. I never thought it would hit me. But it did and with my guy's pushing and my own flashbacks I've been dealing with I guess I overflowed. I've been diagnosed with PTSD myself, but after being with him, I hate to even admit or accept that diagnosis bc of how bad is.

 

[Matt1055]

Ugh. Its got to be so rough to be in love with a PTSD sufferer. My ex wife was manic depressive, is today going to be a bad day(s), where she cannot get out of bed, leaves the curtains closed, or a manic day where she paints the basement- roof, walls & ceiling chartruse (I'm not kidding!).

Not me. I go LOW. Stay there. But I gave up so much to keep this relationship moving forward.

M

 

[Becksknox]

He is getting therapy and I would like to offer to go with him, not to be all in his therapy, but to offer to hold his hand and maybe the therapist can help me where he can't because he isn't so sure himself.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is it normal for them to be ok a few days and then pull away ago?

In a word, yes. Maybe "normal" is not the right word.

Want to know what PTSD is like? A ROLLER COASTER! And yes, you've come along for the ride. You have a choice.....either be OK with the ups and downs, or get off. We sufferers don't have a choice, we can attempt to control the ride but we cannot get off.

Over time the ups and downs get better. Well, sometimes they get worse, but with treatment and healing they should get better. The truth is that not everyone is supporter material. If the withdrawal periods are destroying you, then maybe you're not cut out to be a PTSD supporter? (I admit, I am the last person who could be a PTSD supporter. I won't even make friends with anyone who has PTSD. Been there, done that (more than once), and its always ended badly.

 

[Becksknox]

I've always told him I am here for him. Even if he shuts me off. He knows I'm there when he comes around. I love him that much to wait bc I care enough and understand it's a disease. And I would love to throat punch all my friends that don't get it and tell me to leave him. There are days I need off the roller coaster to save me but I'm always right there and I'll get back on. This one is the longest ever episode so it's thrown me for a loop and very different than the last one. He seems to have these beginning in March year.

 

[Glara]

Wish I had answers for you but I don't. My sufferer told me in March he never wanted a relationship and never even insinuated he did. I have a years worth of texts that say otherwise.

After he said that I sent an email telling him how I felt and what I would have down for him. I apologized for unfriending him on Facebook and explained why I did it. I can't keep watching him act normal and flirty when he's barely speaking to me. I told him I wouldn't contact him anymore but I hoped to hear from him somerime. I thought I wouldn't.

A week late he texted to say he's still alive. He's been texting every week since, but now it's every 2 weeks. Last time I heard from him was 16 days ago. He asked when I'd be in town again, he wants to see me. He texted again early the next morning to say he dreamt about me. Now silence.

We are long distance, I've known him over 30 years. There really is no way for me to get on or off the coaster if he won't let me. I'm just living my life, waiting... But not.

 

[Becksknox]

He just texts daily like things are normal. He's already called me twice today and texted in the middle of the night which we always would do when one of us was awake to see if the other was awake.

This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I've lived through so much. I have PTSD too, but I hate that seeing how bad his is. There are days I can't make it through a day without Xanax. He's miserable at his job and it's been raining for 3 days so he seems really down today and even texted that I should keep our dog and he's told me how much she means t him and he needs her. That's not like him.
His job is so stressful. Then when he leaves work they are still continually texting him so he can't relax after work and each night I know he's stressed about going back and each day it's more nonsense there.

I just wish that if things had gone as we planned he could walk out and take his time to find another but I can't tell him that. My heart is backing to its breaking place and yesterday was such a good day.

 

[Gadgie]

No job, or career is worth your happiness, the long hours and the stress always gets you in the end. When you come to think about it, is it really that important, I found that out when I left.

You come up with, why did I let them talk to me like that, what's so scary about that boss, why the hell should that fact that the boss hated you, bother you.

When you step back, and take a look, you realise that none of that was really important, and that you can, and will live without it.

That's the conclusion I came to, once I had been invalided out, as after all, after I had been gone for a week no one missed me, so I wasn't that important after all.

 

[Becksknox]

Yep. He's actively looking now and we are in Austin so he won't have a problem at all. It just makes me mad at his boss too bc he obviously doesn't know about the PTSD but this is making his stress cup back up to starting to spill over. And I believe it was starting to calm down finally. I am glad that he shares his frustrations with me, to me that's a positive sign that he shares emotions about anything with me.