Sufferer New And Confused, Sorry For The Rant

[Ethule.225]

Hello! As you can tell by the title I am new here, so I will introduce myself. I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 11, and last year I was sexually assaulted (now going through a trial). I grew up in an emotionally abusive home until my parents divorced (right before the sexual abuse started est. 2005), and my Boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me right before I had to testify in front of the grand jury (2014), putting part of the blame on his "lack of emotions" and another part on the assault that happened to me.

I was diagnosed with PTSD almost 7 months ago, and 5 months ago I got a service dog. It was nice to know that there's a name for what's going on with me and that I am not alone, but I never really came to terms with what PTSD really means. Sometimes I think I'm fine, then it's like a wave comes over and my night terrors come back and I have what I call my "bad days". People who I thought would be there for me turned their back, and I have come to find that strangers have given me more support than some people who I considered family. I understand some just can't handle it, I get that, but it still hurts ya know? Anyway, over the past few weeks, I can tell that my "bad days" are becoming more frequent, so I started googling and thus I found you guys! I'm hoping this will be a good experience for me, to help others, and to gain a support system. Thanks for reading and letting me rant!

 

[Matt1055]

First of all, Ethule, what you have been subjected to is unfathomable.

With the trials, boyfriends, and basic teenage life, it must have been rough.

I hope you have rebuilt a "Family by Choice", a term some CSA survivors use.

Hang in there. You are wanted, needed, and loved.

M

 

[intothelight]

@Ethule.225 Welcome to the forum!

This is a great site for information and support. I hope you find it beneficial to your healing. One of the best things is the members here really do understand.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Hello and welcome! There is a lot of good info on this site. More importantly there are a lot of great members on the forum who areally very supportive and understanding. You are not alone!

 

[Ethule.225]

@Matt1055 Thank you! I quickly came to the realization that (for me) blood is NOT thicker than water. The people I do call my family are people who chose me, stayed, and who I chose as well. I definitely would call them "Family by Choice".

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome Ethule, glad you are here.

 

[Matt1055]

@Matt1055 Thank you! I quickly came to the realization that (for me) blood is NOT...

Find a group in your city to meet with... many cities allow you to call "411".

I'm sure you will find many others who have been where you are. They may even have something helpful for you.

You are wanted, needed, and despite what your mind may try to tell you at this point, loved.

M

 

[Pilgrim]

I am sad for you and all you've been through. There are a lot of good people here, with lots of wisdom and compassion to share. I have a dog too that I am training to be a service dog, for me. Once he's ready for public access I'm hoping that will cut down on panic attacks and that he can and will interrupt the dissociation when I disappear in public. My friend's seeing eye dog did this with me one time and it really made me aware just how out of touch I AM, in public. I hope yours is a total blessing to you. And that youfind what you're needing, for support and encouragement. Good luck to you.