Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I've failed everyone

 

[littleoc]

I've failed everyone

Talking about cats. Even the feral cat in my house I decided to keep for his safety is upset. I re-home him tomorrow.

Beanbag, who hasn't woken me up meowing in years, has begun yelling a lot.

I failed them. I trusted the wrong advice in order to help them stay with me and it was my last option and even it was wrong. I've failed every single person. Was left with the only way to keep them safe being rehoming.

My entire life I've had all these stupid goals to just get away and everything failed. Absolutely everything. And I'm losing the last little bit that kept me from being homeless.

I have earned euthanasia.

 

[littleoc]

I'm really, genuinely sorry

 

[Teasel]

You just haven't failed anybody, sweet littleoc, you've failed no one at all

 

[littleoc]

Sorry

 

[littleoc]

 

[ms spock]

@littleoc

Dad's abuse affecting me this long is ridiculous

My Dad's abuse is still affecting me. You are not alone with this.

Every forum I go on , which has Americans, there's a whole lot of grief of folks giving away their pets and not knowing where they will live.

This is not a personal failure. It is a systematic failure.

You are way beyond what you can do.

You took a risk, tried to manage and it didn't work out. And your PTSD cup was already overflowing. It was too much.

I really want you to stay alive.

I really understand why you are feeling this way.

 

[Freemartin]

Do y'all miss Swift? She died by suicide most likely. What about Lion? People better than me die all the time and the world continues

I do. And I’m thinking about some other member, too. I miss them. It’s tragic. But people have the right to make that decision. It is hugely sad, though, and I wish they didn’t have to.

 

[Movingforward10]

You haven't failed anyone. That is the PTSD lies.

You're in the middle of PTSD unwellness which means that it's so so so hard.


It isn't ridiculous at all that your Dad's abuse impacts you now. (Not going to use the word 'still' as for me that always felt like I should be over it already). That abuse he did was insidious to every fibre of your being. Which is why it has long lasting impact. It's his abuse that is the issue. Not you.
And now here he is, at such a painful time for you, it's no wonder this is causing all these feelings and thoughts.


I think about people who aren't on the forum all the time. I wonder if they are alive or dead. I miss them. And I never even ever met them or know who they are really (in that, I could be sat next to them in a coffee shop or something. And would never know as we don't share that 'real life' identifying information ). And yet: I think about them and miss them.
And would with you too.

I hope you hang on till you get mental health treatment and then talk to those who are treating you. And I hope these thoughts change for you.