I Pray I Will Die In My Sleep. Does Anyone Else?

[Deleted member 29899]

I pray this before bed and in the middle of the night. That I would have a heart attack and not survive. Or just not wake up.
I have prayed that someone would murder me. Break in when I'm sleeping. Or jump me on the street. But that it be a quick death.
There was supposed to be a severe thunderstorm last night and my plan was to get out and start walking, hoping I would get struck by lightening.
I pray these things so that I won't have to suicide. That I can get out of here but not be responsible for my death. Not have guilt or fear.
Do I feel guilty praying for these things? Yes.
But I have no value.

Does anyone else pray to die?


(Hope I have not broken any guidelines on this post...)

 

[Intrepid]

I have prayed to die. It goes like this. If God can't fix this then please make it all go away.

I get so exhausted dealing with the day to day, and I just want a rest. I don't want to die. I just want get hit by a runaway truck, or catch some awful life ending disease, so I don't have to struggle any more.

It gets better with time. I don't have those ideas run through my head as much as they used to.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

The night after I was attacked, I was up half the night, crying and begging God to take me home, let me die, that the pain was too unbearable. Twenty years later, I cried and thanked God for not answering my request. I still hurt but found joy too. In my children, my husband, my family and an opportunity to help others.

 

[Matt1055]

I have a few classic Mercedes. My "way out" has been backing my favorite (neither the most expensive, or the flashiest, but it's my fave) into the small garage.

Put some old Motown on the radio, let her idle & slip away.

Luckily, I have a kid & a dog I love even more than the'Benz. Therefore I suffer... one more day.

M

 

[Go Hungry]

Yes, I had done this. Used to do it quite a lot when I was a child. And since too. It comes up occasionally. The decades of hurt and embarrassment.. I was just thinking last night about how the only reason I'm still alive is because of the people who love me. I can't do that to them, no matter how I feel. They are more important than me, in that respect. So I've gone on, and things have gotten better (and then worse, and then back to better, and worse, better, worse, better, worse.. etc.) Right now things are going pretty well.. I hope it stays that way.

 

[Lucycat]

I pray this before bed and in the middle of the night. That I would have a heart attack and not survive. Or...

Yep - that it would be in my sleep. Or in a car crash. Or a plane crash. Or an allergy that I was unaware of - anyway to finish the story without me having responsibility or blame.

It still happens, but less frequently now and I am trying to take ownership to make it less likely.

 

[TonyG]

What ever it is I want it to be instant,

 

[Hope-forever]

I pray this before bed and in the middle of the night. That I would have a heart attack and not survive. Or...

As a police officer of 30 years I understand your struggle and have experienced and seen so many others suffer from similar feelings. What I've seen over time that has helped bring life back to people is for them to find ways to be useful to others, to try to focus on becoming more aware and fulfilling the needs of others, of finding ways to express love and compassion--all are very naturally healing. Keep searching, you will re-discover the beauty of life once again.

 

[Tinyflame]

That is a nice thing to say @ Hope-forever
I used to, but then when/ if I did someone I loved died. Of course it's not technically related, & I probably shorten my life in other ways, but after the 3rd one died I couldn't/ wouldn't allow myself to do that because of that history.

 

[catlover26]

I don't have ptsd but was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 30 years. I found this forum because I am dating someone who suffers with ptsd. . After my divorce 1 1/2 yrs ago I prayed and begged God several times to take my life. I had to start over not having really any job experience.

Someone said they thanked God for not doing it. I haven't even done that. It's not that I want to die anymore. I just still find it so hard sometimes to keep fighting to live my life. "One day at a time" my recovering Alcoholic vet tells me. I have told him I don't really know how to 'do' one day at a time. I am trying to learn.

I did not feel guilty for feeling that way and I don't think you should either. Whatever you have been through had to have been horrific.

Take care of yourself! I pray things will get better for you!

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, I have prayed that too, but in reference to whether or not Social Security Disability Insurance will be cut by 20% at the end of 2016 as the House of Representatives has decreed. (I live in the USA and SSDI is my sole income, by which I live well under poverty level). I have basically prayed to die in my sleep many a time, but always to die at that time in the end of 2016 if the House actually goes through with its plans. If not, and my income stays the same, then I hope I won't have to die, that life will go along more or less as it is for me now.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

SheilaCathy you are always so random as usual. Start a post about it.
Bet you a million dollars I'm getting a FRACTION of what you are from disability. My phone has been cut off, my t.v., this week my natural gas (furnace, dryer, etc.). Next- electricity and water. I'm screwed.
There IS NO 'reference to S.S.Disability insurance' on this post.