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It is a lifetime of knowing that you are not deserving of anything good. If it began in childhood, as mine did, well then, you have never known anything different. You can't know what you don't know. There is a demon that lives in your room, in your head and in your very soul. He pulls you...

That's awesome Lionheart. Thanks for posting. Poetry can really cut right down to bone, can't it?

Hollow One, I have been where you are. Take heart, these are the miserable circumstances that give us the impetus to grow as humans and to seek out the parts of ourselves that we have neglected. I think you're seeing this in that you acknowledge that "my response to the betrayal has been to...

Sometimes it's hard to remember that we actually survived. Sometimes it's hard to find something to be grateful for. These bodies have kept score and our central nervous systems are raw and on a constant loop - ready to run. Our minds, too crash against the walls over and over like a pinball...

A Cat after my own heart!

That's beautiful and very moving. Poetry stirs the soul and reminds us that we're bigger and deeper than we think. Keep writing, please.

That's sooo encouraging to hear! Maybe there's hope for this planet yet!

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. This is devastating. I'm very glad you are seeing a therapist. In reading your post two things came to mind: Maya Angelou's quote: "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them." So often we only see what we want to see in people and we...

I'm so sorry. Nobody's birthday should bring up bad memories. What is frozen orange?

It certainly does sound like a lot of stress-provoking things crammed into a short time! Anyone would want to run in the other direction. I like that you are looking forward to some of it. That's the idea - as best you can, eliminate all the things that are meaningless and just drain the...

Loooove Vincent. Wow! We have the same taste in music - kinda melancholy but moving...

Do you think I'm a terrible person for not going flat-out Christmas insane like I used to? No? Neither will people think that of you. Here's what they'll think: "Wow! I wish I could do that!" - never realizing that they CAN!

I don't think it's terrible. I think that the healthy part of you is rebelling and resisting doing something that you don't feel up to. Why not give yourself a break and put up one or two - the ones that really mean something - or none. I started this whole Bah-Humbug thing as a little...

You know what they say? Stop SHOULDING on yourself lol.

If you feel that this issue is at the core of your negative beliefs, why not bring it up with both therapists? They will be willing to work on whatever comes up for you. Two heads are better than one!

I truly ache for you. I know how it feels. The truth is, none of us know how we got here. We didn't ask to be born. It wasn't your decision but it is your journey. Your mother had her own journey just as my dad did. We don't know why things happened the way they did but we had no control...

Hi M, I'm new here too. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's not easy watching someone you love struggle and being left in confusion and doubt yourself. If there's one suggestion I have, it's to get help for yourself. Your husband is not the only one who is in pain here. The...

I know one thing for sure as a parent. Your mom and my dad would never want us to feel this way. As a mom, I would never want my child to feel guilty about something they were not responsible for - especially not in connection with me. It would break my heart... Based on that, I do my best...

I get it. My dad died when I was nine. I was the only one home. He died in his sleep and I just thought he was sleeping. The adult part of me knows it wasn't my fault but the child part of me feels like she killed her dad. I cringe at those stories of three-year-olds who call 911 and save...

Always loved that line!

Here's the biggest revelation: I'm ALLOWED to do that fir myself! That's sooo empowering!

Just need to add this: Didn't mean to come off as dismissive which I realize my post may have. In the past, this has been a real problem for me. The truth is, I just finally realized that I can participate or not to the degree that I WANT to. That came as a complete revelation to me. I used...

Wow! Takes me back!

I hate Christmas too! I think their are a lot of us who feel this way. It's like having a tinselly stress bomb of guady hipocrasy dropped in the middle of your already stressed-to-the-limits life! As I get older, I participate less and less. I find that for the mostpart, if you don't dwell...

Just want to add a caveat: Withdrawal from some substances can present very real medical dangers that need to be dealt with medically by professionals.