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Perhaps you are right. i keep thinking I am ready but then I just can't cope and fall to bits again....will try see what i can do re: therapist in terms of setting goals

then there was this lady at my church. i had moved there in 2006 and she had been trained in both mental health and counselling. she was the first person i opened up to about the verabl and emotional abuse from my dad- only the sex stuff had been focused on before that, as if the other stuff...

i did try getting into a support group some years ago with a charity organisation years ago for sexual abuse but counsellor thought i didn;t need it enough (when i went there i was in waiting room and this woman was mocking me to her colleague- i had no real support then, my CPN who i was seeing...

When i say sneaked behind their backs, what i mean is i went ahead and applied for treatment anyway- i was a major self harm and suicide risk as a teenager as well as ED and drinking too much. my parents forbade me to get into mental health system but i knew i needed help so went and did it...

Thanks- i wil check that info out. I have had DBT (2 years of it in a psych hospital) and i did find it helpful in mny ways. I just feel as though there is a part of me which hasn't yet really faced what i have been through and i have so many questions. You are right, it won't help these...

I am sorry I hurt your feelings Suzetig. I am not implying you are telling me such things or anyone else on here. it is just that ifeel that way about myself and have been invalidated so many times I always anticipate it. i seem to live in a baseline of expecting rejection and contempt of...

How would i normally get that for myself? To be honest, i don't normally get it for myself. I end up keeping it all inside (letting it out via self harm, aggression towards others and ED issues) and then I find i don't know how to manage the turmiol in a safe way, outside of repressing it...

I have had OCD since i was 7 or 8. diagnosed in my 20s. I had rituals, compulsions and intrusive thoughts. intense fear if i couldn't do my rituals or was interrupted doing them. Also i had to ask for reassurance all the time? i questioned everything. my parents were exasperated with me and i...

Thanks. i am beginning to think you are right but i felt i needed it confirmed. my best friend (a woman i met inmy 20s) is trained in counselling. she was the first person i ever really told about my dad- MH professionals guessed something had happened as apparently i had textbook symptoms of...

Thanks for reading Gwen...it means a lot that someone cares enough to read it...yeah i am beginning to se that the second incident was sexual assault. what bothers me a little is that i had CPTSD symptoms way before this incident which suggests a much more severe and earlier trauma. i do...

He didn't do it every day.... so i don't think it can have been as bad as i am saying it is here. but when i am upset it feels devastating and i feel like something really bad did happen....like i said, i am oversensitive. the smallest thing bothers me... i dont understand why it hurts me or...

i consider abuse to be the same kind of behaviour as i described BUT the difference being that the mptives for it are not to discipline or punish the child. a lot of abuse i ahd from dad was when he was in a bad random mood but also he would do it when i had been naughty eg speaking at the...

thanks...i always had a sense that he abused me in ways that weren't sexual....my sister says she remebers witnessing him abusing me physically, mentally and verbally as a young child. my mother now admits she witnessed it too but says it wasn't real abuse and to "just forget it because verbal...

He got me to behave my screaming at me. he would tell me he would stick his fingers up my bum if i didnt do x or y. i know that is not abuse but maybe my mind got confused...i always remember being scared of my father though.....i have trouble believing something didnt happen to me....maybe he...

I wasn't lying deliberately. the teacher asked me if he touched me so i remembered the medicine incident and said yes....i don't remember the lies but my parents said i went round telling everyone that my dad stuck his fingers up my bum..he used to threaten to stick his fingers up there as a...

my therapist said to me that becaus emy parents loved me and they meant wel that it wasn't abuse. This has devastated me. I don't know why but i felt invalidated by that. i constsantly feel invalidated. my mum says "well he didn't really beat you so leave it in the past" and my dad was like...

i think becsuse other people have real trauma on here they think they can ignore mine..but those of us with minor trauma need a voice too. i stil have CPTSD , after all...

103 people read it and ran. .even if they had told me i was stupid or disgusting that wpul dhabve been better than ignoring....ignoring it is just a way of telling kme it didnt matter.....the feeling of not mattering hurts so much....

i hope not..two days ago i posted a thread that has had no responses..i posted after it as a disclaimer but no one else respinded.....i have never shared before these things and 103 people looked ast thst thread and didnt respond......i just feel like i am being unheard.....the memories explain...

any responses??????? please

I know my needs are inappropriate and disgusting Suzetig but I wish just someone would hear me??? i was ever heard as a child. always told to shut up you little shit and go away.... i was not allowed to be heard

Incongruous i am sttruggling with this also. i dont want to hijack the thread but i just feel so torn inside at the moment

that is cool. am glad for you that you acheived that, my mother wrote as did her mother. i think they had a gift there too. For me i would need a book inside me to start writing and i haven't got any ideas yet. They say write about what you know but i haven't had a life. i was never able to work...

Brenton i wish i could get beyond feeling like it was my fault. What Ragdol Circus says resonates with me personally. sadly the therapist i am seeing now does not accept that i need to tralk about the abuse. she acknowledges that i have CPTSD but says that if a parent loves their kids but does...

what did to me was nothing in comparison. yet it makes me feel horrible. if that makes any sense??? He told me GOd told him i was faking PTSD for attention. I am a Christian (Jewish by ethnicity but christian by belief) But it hurts my heart how the God i serve didn't believe me either or think...