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  1. 419can.dance

    What i would say to my inner child.

    I know. I am trying so hard. The coffee shop is typically one of my safe places but the smell took all my safety... I feel like I am completely failing right now. I’m trying to just breath and look at my phone. Don’t look up. Grounding is so much harder in public.
  2. 419can.dance

    What i would say to my inner child.

    Sometimes I wander why my brain tends to focus so much on the negativity. I had an absolutely great day and the next thing I know I walk by someone in the coffee shop with a familiar scent that just takes me right back to my abuser! I know logically that makes now sense. I know I am physically...
  3. 419can.dance

    What i would say to my inner child.

    When I look upon a sea so blue I can’t help but to think of you All the days you’ve hurt me so You would think by now I would have let go But the pain I feel deep inside I should no longer have to hide The way you made me get undressed Still today has me so stressed The way you used to hold...
  4. 419can.dance

    I called myself a survivor today

    My therapist has been working with me for over a year just to use the term Survivor she said I deserve to be labeled as survivor
  5. 419can.dance

    Anxious to open up in therapy

    I have been trying to open up in therapy for the past couple of months. We have decided that journal therapy will really help. I have written things that I would never talk about in therapy and I am so anxious every time I give her the Journal. Sometimes I rip pages out sometimes it’s just a...
  6. 419can.dance

    I called myself a survivor today

    I appreciate the congratulations. Not to say I’m not sitting here still crying over the matter. I want to be a survivor but I don’t want the label survivor. Does that make any sense?
  7. 419can.dance

    Sufferer Newly Diagnosed CPTSD. I Didn’t Like The Word 'Sufferer'

    That is difficult in the least of terms. I am somewhat in the same boat in the US awaiting disability to be approved or denied. Jumping through all of the hoops dotting all your I’s and crossing all your t’s Do you feel like you have been able to build a relationship with your therapist? I...
  8. 419can.dance

    I called myself a survivor today

    I have been in therapy for a little over a year. The one thing that I’ve been scared of is the label survivor. I have avoided it, I have written it and crossed it out. But never have I been able to say I am a survivor. Today in therapy we dug a little and get my past and she asked me what I...
  9. 419can.dance

    Ptsd poetry anyone?

    Thank you! You have brought on the tears. I know I can make it past these fears. One day at a time. Hour by hour. I will make it blossom like a beautiful sunflower!
  10. 419can.dance

    Ptsd poetry anyone?

    Sometimes I wonder what it is like outside Yes I have been there but I try to hide Wearing my clothing in my hair so well You would have never guessed how deep fell Sometimes I wonder what it is like outside I simply go along for the ride Hiding my woes and feelings too The anxiety and fear...
  11. 419can.dance

    Ptsd poetry anyone?

    I’m really in no mood to write My brain is stuck on fight or flight Sitting here just trying to make sense Of what in the world has me so tense I’ve tried deep breathing with no luck Deep in my bed I wish I could tuck Except there all I see is you Causing the panic and fear to brew...
  12. 419can.dance

    Lost Trust - T Not Returning Phonecalls While In Hospital

    Thank you everyone for your responses. I meet with her this Saturday and I will definitely ask. I have been “abandoned” so many times I guess it is just a mortal fear of mine. I’m sure she has a great reason for not calling me back. She has been a great therapist and I’m just letting my head get...
  13. 419can.dance

    Overwhelming depression

    I have been with my therapist for a little over a year. This past week I was hospitalized and she didn’t return any of my phone calls so it did not help with my depression or sense of helplessness it all. I want to make today the day that I feel great if not for myself for my son. Thank you for...
  14. 419can.dance

    Overwhelming depression

    I have been struggling for many years with depression and suicidal ideation. This year has definitely been the hardest for me. Is keeping an abusive relationship to having to move back into my parents house. I feel so worthless not being able to hold down a job I feel so helpless not being able...
  15. 419can.dance

    Lost Trust - T Not Returning Phonecalls While In Hospital

    So… I was recently hospitalized and my therapist normally calls me when I am in the hospital. I called her when I made it into the hospital and she didn’t return my phone call. I called her when I was in a crisis where nobody else will understand and she didn’t return my phone calls. I called...
  16. 419can.dance

    Bad day

    I am having such a bad day. I have no one to talk to and my anxiety is getting the best of my morning. I have been journaling and coloring for the past hour and I still feel like a complete piece of crap! This all came out of nowhere. I woke up and my brain said “nope. Shit day for you!” Please...
  17. 419can.dance

    Another one bites the dust

    Thank you all so much. It has been a very difficult transition for myself and my little one. Luckily I have an amazing therapist that is setting me up with a case manager to help find something more permanent. Until then please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. All good vibes are Welcome!
  18. 419can.dance

    Another one bites the dust

    I sit in a homeless shelter today with my son. I have been completely blindsided by the loss of this relationship. She tore me down then gave a swift kick to top it off. Monday was a bad day. Flashbacks and anxiety attacks. My partner came home and I went to them for a little comfort at the...
  19. 419can.dance

    Outings - invited to join SD support group & want to go but am scared to go. What would you do?

    A reward! That seems simple enough. I love finding the simple rewards in life. The year has been so crazy! The first six months I forced myself to go. Now I look forward to it each week. Now to force myself to go out. ??‍♀️ Who knows I may like it. ?
  20. 419can.dance

    Outings - invited to join SD support group & want to go but am scared to go. What would you do?

    I want to say yes I can push myself to go. Yet worried just like the trip to the store I will turn right around and go back home.
  21. 419can.dance

    What Did You Eat And Drink Last?

    A cigarette and coffee ☕️
  22. 419can.dance

    Outings - invited to join SD support group & want to go but am scared to go. What would you do?

    I have been in group therapy now for almost a year and was just invited to join a Service Dog support group! Yay! However. There is no way I could possibly be in public with such a large group (8 people) I want to go. I’m scared to go. What do I do? What would you do? Also... where is the...
  23. 419can.dance

    'stepping out' of my body - am i alone in this?

    Thank you so much. Your words encourage me. I will look into this author
  24. 419can.dance

    Sexual Assault Just a little peice of me

    You forced yourself on me, along with your touch. I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn't get off. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I were somewhere else. Wishing someone had been here to help. But I was on my own, with you as company. You were supposed to have been taking care of...
  25. 419can.dance

    'stepping out' of my body - am i alone in this?

    When I “step out” I can feel myself separate from my body and stand outside my body. I feel as if I am controlling the whole situation from the other side of the room.
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