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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you for asking :) I'm doing even better since I last posted here. My mom is still a little needy and also having financial issues, and I have spent a little more money than I'd prefer to help her out, but she is family. We were in close quarters since I was staying with her, so I decided...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Hi friends, sorry I haven't checked in for a minute. I've been staying distracted in my home town and not reaching out to my abuser. My mom and I are able to openly discuss our dynamic and boundaries. Though she can be a little stressful at times, she is self aware and all in all, I'm very...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Oh, thank you for saying this! Two years sounds like a long time to me now, but it makes sense. It can take longer than that for a "normal" breakup recovery too. I've been away from him for more than a month when we initially dated long distance, so my brain is probably not adjusting to the fact...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you for saying all of this. I'm glad it's normal to be confused and unsettled. I'm sure part of it is that when we leave these situations, we're usually in a state of flux not just emotionally, but physically too - staying with friends and family, gathering our wits. It's so far removed...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Equine therapy absolutely makes sense!! I hung out with kittens today.
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Actually, my dream reminded me of this Josephine Baker video from a song. That line translates to, "The most beautiful cage is only a prison.” That image file did not work! I'll just add a link instead Rat Trap
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    I'm glad you were able to leave your son's father and start a new life. A few weeks later, I still feel sort of strange/unsettled (but still firm), and kind of in limbo. I need to get better about going to my survivor group therapy, but I do find it really overwhelming to hear women's stories...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Well, I have no interest in a relationship any time soon :laugh: But I like that I'm not being held back from knowing someone else.
  9. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you for saying this! I don't feel like giving myself a lot of credit - and also, I wish I could just snap my fingers and go back to how I was before I met him - but maybe in some ways this needed to happen to me for me to understand that I'm worthy of more.
  10. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    To answer your question: it's all very new for me, but I feel the possibility of happiness. What I like more than anything so far is the peace. I don't have to worry about what I do or say without the possibility of retaliation - even though I still do have that lingering fear. Also, I used to...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Not at all, that makes complete sense to me. Let's say for example that you have a glass of water, and your partner accidentally knocks the glass over onto the floor. Then he turns to you and says, "Why did you knock over that glass of water?" At first you'd probably look at him like he was...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    I relate, Bearlinda, and the more they deny your reality, the more you deny yours. Even now that I'm gone, I spend time denying the history of my reality, which is that I was abused.
  13. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you for asking how I'm doing. He hasn't given me any trouble at all, but it's hard to say, he could still be in denial about the permanence of the situation (even though I've moved very far away). I feel less pain than I did before, during, and right after I left, but I am still worried...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    I understand so deeply how you feel, that sense of responsibility. That you are going to be there for him when no one else will. Here was the kicker for me: I was being this person for him, but he wasn't being that person for me. Yes, he was nice to me a lot of the time, and yes, he was...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you! This is all good advice, and I needed to be reminded that what I'm going through isn't normal breakup sadness. I actually noticed that I'm having imposter syndrome, which is also probably normal. I have an appointment today with a domestic violence advocate for therapy/group therapy...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you for these resources. I'm having trouble accepting that this is the reality of my partner, but his actions match up with a mostly textbook case of abuse. I wanted it to be different. I also made my life revolve around him, and now I'm not cooking for him, anticipating what he might...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Good memory Bearlinda, I forgot this part of the book.
  18. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    I'm glad you're in a place where you finally feel accepting about the break up. That makes me hopeful that it's possible.
  19. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Thank you Whirlwind. I didn't know that about Bancroft. It's interesting to hear, because my ex partner thought that Bancroft's view on a low recovery rate was extreme. He believed that his point of view demonized men, took advantage of vulnerable women, and that even the men Bancroft referred...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    And I guess it would be one thing if he had dualities, since everyone does, but the extremity of the dualities is what gets me. It's so much to process that one person could seem so split. Thanks Bearlinda. Will be here to support you whatever you need, as I know you're working through this...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    I made it down to my home town after two days of driving with my brother, everyone. I feel a lot of very mixed emotions. Some regret, some relief, some fear. A lot of wondering if I did the right thing. As horrible as he could be, I miss him and I didn't want it to have to be this way. I wanted...
  22. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    5 hours until my brother lands at the airport and we leave. Scared and unsure, but going through the motions.
  23. C

    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    Only two more days left. I told mutual friends of ours (a couple) that we're breaking up and I'm moving next week, but I didn't say why. They were trying to invite us out to dinner and a movie tonight which is why I told them. They don't know anything about our situation. They bought him a...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    You're right...I need to keep this in mind. I did check in with the local police station about an escort, and they told me that the escort can come for five minutes only and it's completely unpredictable WHEN they can come. Essentially, I could be waiting from morning to night for a police...
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    Dom Violence I want to attempt leaving

    I feel silly. Yeah, that makes more sense than the way I've been interpreting it all these years.
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