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At the same time, I feel like the world's worst mom. I was shocked when it happened and feel like I didnt respond appropriately.

I just feel like I am over reacting and it isnt a big deal. First of all, it isnt a frequent occurence. Secondly, no one was physically hurt. But, at the same time, I dont want to harm my son.

So, my husband and I met in an eating disorder group and have both experienced trauma. He has anger issues and occasionally has outbursts. He has never laid a hand on me or our child, but can be violent towards objects. We have holes in our walls, etc, from his previous outbursts. The...

I have been in such denial. The other day, I suddenly had an image of what might have been abuse and then the burning that always came after. I can remember just sitting on the toilet with the built up dread of the consequential pain of peeing.

I am starting to put together the pieces of some of my past. Question: Could it burn to pee after childhood sexual abuse even in the absence of a UTI? I remember that after it happened, it would always burn a lot to pee for a while. It hurt so much that I would avoid peeing. Is that a...

@Sweetleaf I keep telling myself that it isnt a big deal and I just overreact. I really dont know what to make of things and understand what I do remember.

This has been a rough week. T is out of town on Spring Break and I remembered some stuff from my childhood that I wish I had not. I am trying to process it. When I think about it, I throw up. I had to leave work the other day because I kept having images of it and was vomiting. I feel like...

DBT is not inherently a punishment. The way I was forced to do it was a consequence for bad behavior. Not sure if that makes sense.

In my late teens, I had a severe eating disorder and went inpatient for several months. I was diagnosed with BPD. When I was "bad" there, my punishment was to do part of a DBT workbook. I just have bad associations with it that I dont think Incan get past.

I guess so. But, how do you know if is safe to do so?

Do you have someone to talk to who has similar experiences?

Besides medical professionals, do you disclose anything regarding your past (inlcuding present embodiment) to anyone other than medical professionals? I find this chat extremely helpful, but think that a 1-on-1 conversation with someone with similar experiences would be helpful (in persom or...

The new person I am seeing next week specializes in ED. I asked if she works with people with PTSD and can work with clients with trauma. I have a difficult finding a therapist that will treat someone with BPD.

My current therapist doesn't specialize in trauma. She also does not specialize in any of my other diagnoses. She actually specializes in children, which can be helpful because sometimes I have a difficult time talking about things. I don't think she wants me to have to repeat my trauma...

@Keen - Thank you so much for this post. It really resonates with me.

Thanks for all the responses. Sorry it has taken me a while to respond. With Passover and Easter falling back-to-back, I have been pretty busy dealing with dysfunctional families. @Friday - No, I am not happy with my life. I am in therapy to function better. I lost most of my late...

No. But, I would imagine that most people aren't.

I have been in therapy for 17 years and just now am just beginning to be at a place where I can slowly revisit (parts of) my past. It may seem ridiculous, but my first two years of therapy with my current therapist (of 10 years) were spent in silence. I would/could not talk. Currently, I am...

I have the strong need to avoid reality. I do everything in my power to do so (not eat, not sleep, run obsessively, self harm, intentionally retraumatize myself, etc). I want to be numb and disconnected. I do not want my life to be real. I dont want to be that person that those things...

I am also physically turned away from her. I look on the left side of the floor.

Reality.

I cannot cry for myself. I can cry for others, but cannot, for the life of me cry for myself. My father hated crying and the after effects of it. So, I learned not to cry. Sometimes, I think it would do me some good to cry.

I dislike DBT. I am torn about changing therapists. Maybe change would do me good, but I am so attached to my current one.

I have brought it up several times. I still dont have the courage to look at her. It is so juvenile.

I have been in therapy for quite sometime. My current therapist I have seen for a decade. Although I see her 2 or 3 times a week, I cannot for the life of me look at her. Honestly, if I saw her in a crowd, I have no idea if I would realize it was her. I also turn away from her during our...