Difficulty with looking at t

[cinderellafaye]

I have been in therapy for quite sometime. My current therapist I have seen for a decade. Although I see her 2 or 3 times a week, I cannot for the life of me look at her. Honestly, if I saw her in a crowd, I have no idea if I would realize it was her. I also turn away from her during our sessions. I mainly just stare at the floor.

I know this current set up is less than ideal and I constantly berate myself for it. Why can I not just grow up and look at her? Why is it such a big deal? Everytime I tell myself before a session to just look at her or at the very least turn towards her. I always fail.

Part of my issue is I do not like things to feel real. If I dont look at her, then maybe it isnt really happening. This allows me to actually communicate. The first few years I saw her, I was unable to talk and we just sat in silence.

I am constantly questioning reality and whether what I am experiencing is indeed happening, especially in regards to my past. I dont want to be the person that those things happened to. I dont want to have experienced trauma. Everything that happened, I sweep under the rug and tell myself it wasnt that bad.

Does anyone else have similar issues? I feel like such a freak.

 

[Rumors]

Yes...you aren't a freak. I don't do eye contact well either. Hang in there and try not to judge yourself. Maybe you could bring up the topic in a session and see where it goes.

 

[cinderellafaye]

I have brought it up several times. I still dont have the courage to look at her. It is so juvenile.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Rella Harmon if not looking at your t is juvenile than I am every bit as juvenile as you are. I can tell you the pattern of his area rug by heart (it looks like interlocking space aliens as silly as that sounds) I can tell you his middle name as it is on the diplomas hanging on his wall and the names of the the university presidents that "signed" them. I can tell you every book on his book shelf, if one gets moved to a different place on the shelves and when he gets a new one. If his picture wasn't on the website I wouldn't be able to pick him out in a crowd and I have no idea what the chair he sits in looks like because I don't look that way. I glance at him maybe once a session and I have been seeing him for nearly 4 years.

 

[Overcoming]

Eye contact is tough for me too. During EMDR, when T has me look at her to be sure I'm "there" I feel so uncomfortable and quickly look away . Otherwise, if possible, I stare at the floor.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Also can't do eye contact. It's too real, too vulnerable. That other human is actually in the room listening to every word you say. Not something I'm used to, and in order to keep fighting all of it and maybe find a way thru.... I look away and he's ok with that. As long as I keep going.....one foot in front of the other doesn't require eye contact.
Keep fighting, you're worth it.

 

[Freida]

LOL I'm in there too! One T told me that she can tell how distressed someone is based in if they can make eye contact or how often they look away and that it has to do with the shame reaction. I can make eye contact if we are talking day to day stuff but the minute we talk about the past....no way. I'm all about staring at the painting on the wall.

 

[Emotional girl]

I am the same, I have been with my T for nearly a year and I hardly look him at all.It is all too intense for me for two reasons the first is showing vulnerability and the second goes back to my childhood and the anger I used to see in my dads eyes.
Eye contact is something I really need to work on not just in the therapy room but also outside.

 

[Missycat]

@cinderellafaye you are not a freak ! As the above posts demonstrate , we all have the same problem.
In any other situation i am confident and can look someone / anyone in the eye but when it comes to my t session .... i look everywhere else. I do try and she says it really helps her if i can look at her or she can see my face as she then can tell im ‘present’ - my face definately gives away how im feeling - facial leakage i call it ! Lol
We worked together on it and took small steps and if it got too uncomfortable for me i would try and just change my gaze rather then move my head ... after a while it got easier ... still loads of times where i would look straight to the door- she asked me if was planning my escape! And i bow my head alot at times but its getting easier to look at her in the eyes every session - mostly.
Talk to her again about ideas on how you can work together on this. Just know that you are not a freak and not alone.
Good luck.

 

[Still Standing]

Ahhhh, the eye contact dilemma!:eek: Ummmm, same here...very hard to do and I really do want to look at the psych doc and communicate like a "normal" person. However, this is what I know about not looking at him. If I look at him as in eye-to-eye contact when we are talking, his facial expressions, movement of his head, body, hands, totally distract me! I am reading his body language as fast as he is reading mine. I am in survival mode...self-protection and I retreat internally. The window or my feet become my focus. On my best days, I can connect for a few seconds. But, if I have to answer, I usually look up to the ceiling, scanning left and right. It is very difficult to look in his face when he is being so serious. Serious is not good and it brings up the feelings like I am in trouble. If the eye contact issue were not enough, the feeling like there is a sock stuffed in my mouth is even worse. Talking and looking is tough to do in session.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m really good with eye contact when I’m making a joke or during small talk. I’m like a normal person. And the freaken minute it turns vulnerable I look away. So I intersperse the sessions with random stuff just so I’m not staring out the window or at the wall. I did ask him if he’d hang some magic eye posters on the wall for me to look at since I look to the left frequently. Also, where do you guys look? I’m ALWAYS to the left and a bit above eye level. That’s my spot.

 

[Still Standing]

DITTO! :cool: To the left is my "go-to", also. :D