Search results

  1. I

    Remembering how far I have come when it feels like I can’t go on once more..en

    @Simply Simon I think you’re absolutely right in saying that this will keep happening to some degree. Which sucks big time in all honesty. But I’ve had so many moments in this journey where I thought ‘FOR F***K SAKE, I am doing everything by the book, the reading, the inner work, the boundaries...
  2. I

    Remembering how far I have come when it feels like I can’t go on once more..en

    @ladee, I am so so so deeply sorry. So deeply sorry for your loss. I cannot even comprehend. It is not something a parent should ever have to go through, ever. I lost my daughter two years ago, albeit different circumstances but the grief we share. Life has very much not been the same since. I...
  3. I

    Remembering how far I have come when it feels like I can’t go on once more..en

    Thank you both for taking the time to communicate with me. Progress definitely has been made and I recognise that, at least on a better day. But the set back... it feels as though I have taken 2 steps toward and 10 steps back! PTSD is definitely one hell of a disease, I often call it a ‘life...
  4. I

    Remembering how far I have come when it feels like I can’t go on once more..en

    Hi all, It’s been a little while. A little while of a lot of self work, revelations, further adaptation to triggers, symptoms, sleepless nights.. And just as things were getting ‘good’ life has once more fallen apart in its entirety. I once more find myself in a place whereby I must rebuild...
  5. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    It’s a brilliant example you have used there. I really do feel like sometimes like post-trauma is a whole new discovery. Actually, post trauma my life shifted in such a way that I no longer recognised who I am or any part of my life, none of it made sense. I HAD to re-learn everything from...
  6. I

    Coercion, Choice & Clusterf*cks In Between.

    Can relate to every single word. Although in my experience I have learned that there are people who have heartlessly and consciously ruined another and they walk the world freely with no remorse
  7. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    I hope you are feeling better. Boundaries can be difficult. Setting boundaries is definitely a big one for me too. I’ve always been somewhat a people pleaser, it has always been natural to me although prior to my trauma and PTSD it wasn’t half as draining as it is now. Now every time I say yes...
  8. I

    Does anyone burst into tears because of their PTSD

    I often cry about it, the unfairness of it all. My brain just cannot comprehend how the trauma happened - but the aftermath of it all.. the PTSD... it feels like a life sentence. And I definitely cry about it and the person I have become.
  9. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    That actually makes perfect sense. Because I often find myself pondering what I may have done in my life to have then deserved this all as a result.. and I can never find anything that would justify any of this. I guess I can’t help but ask myself why... But I see why your therapist had said...
  10. I

    Have you ever wondered if those who abused you suffered any impact from it in their own lives?

    Often... although unfortunately I still have access to my abusers lives and I can tell you that they have not been affected not one bit. Nor are they remorseful. It just goes to show there are some really evil people walking our world freely...
  11. I

    Ever feel so messed up that just understanding yourself feels like a victory?

    I did this EXACT thing for months on end directly after my trauma. I lost who I was completely and with that I lost all sense of self and couldn’t comprehend who I was or why I did the things I did. I just couldn’t understand. With time, my patterns of behaviour became clearer, as did my...
  12. I

    Anyone not recognize their own picture or reflection?

    Today I survived my second trigger date. Once I got up off of the bathroom floor from a crying session, I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t recognise myself at all. My eyes, they’re different. And not for the obvious reason, crying. They just look empty. Like there isn’t a soul behind...
  13. I

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Mine is - what have I done in my 26 years of life to deserve any of this? It is a mind bugging question I really want to know the answer to.
  14. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    Evening all, Apologies once again for going absolutely awol! That seems to be the only thing I’m good at nowadays. I’m pleased to say that I have 15 minutes left and this day is over, I have officially survived the second anniversary of one of my biggest trigger dates liked to my trauma. It...
  15. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    You have no clue how much your words resonate with me!! I have done everything (bar medication) that they say will get you ‘better’ on paper so why the hell am I stuck in this nightmare still?! It’s extremely frustrating because the whole thing feels like a rollercoaster ride. I wake up...
  16. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    Oh I am so so so so proud of your for this. Thank you for taking the time to sharing your journey and your heart with us. I am so sorry that I have been absent. I’ve tried to respond to this post several times now and actually every time I’ve written back I didn’t think it was good enough. I...
  17. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    Hi all, Having a down day again. Fighting this loosing battle I really can’t picture myself being alive for a long time. Before you jump in, I’m not actively suicidal no. But at the same time when I think of my future I don’t see one. I feel as though one day it’ll just be the end, and I’ll...
  18. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    I guess it’s me having to apologise for the late response this time, just like yourself I am trying to limit my time on the World Wide Web and social media as it can often have an adverse effect. I am so glad that my response might’ve brightened up your day, even if it was for a split second...
  19. I

    This isn’t a fight I’m ever going to win..

    I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I can very much relate as post-trauma I too lost everything. I lost people I thought were my family, the love of my life, my child, my job, everything that I considered to be my life and I KNOW just how tough that is. I could sit here and write...
  20. I

    The intense urge for distance..

    I can’t handle this PTSD bul***it anymore to be honest. For every two ‘good’ days there are 5 bad days. One day you’re working your ass off to fight it & the next you have no energy to even climb out of bed. You force yourself to believe that there is a life out there for you, to continue...
  21. I

    Can’t picture myself living with this for that long- Anyone else feel this way?

    Hi all, Very sorry I’ve been a bit distant recently, with my birthday ‘celebrations’ and the passing of our beloved family dog who we had for 16 years it all got a bit too much and overwhelming for me. I promise to go through all of your posts in the next couple of days and respond. I must...
  22. I

    Can’t picture myself living with this for that long- Anyone else feel this way?

    I get that, can definitely relate. I noticed myself declining again a few weeks ago and thought I could handle it all by distracting myself and ‘pretending’ all is ok, I think distraction is the key word here... well I only ended up right back here didn’t I! What is your situation now? Are you...
  23. I

    Can’t picture myself living with this for that long- Anyone else feel this way?

    Damn... they definitely sound like miracle years eh! Did you notice yourself decline eventually? Did your circumstances change? Perhaps job and relationship with your kids and ex wife etc and then you started declining? Or was it just a standard sort of decline back into this as**ole of a...
  24. I

    Can’t picture myself living with this for that long- Anyone else feel this way?

    I'm so sorry that you've had to live like this for the longest, it just isn't fair is it. Although you may have a point there about not having a pre-trauma life to compare to - whilst I see this may be difficult also, it is also extremely difficult loosing yourself completely and becoming...
  25. I

    Can’t picture myself living with this for that long- Anyone else feel this way?

    This is incredible, honestly I am absolutely in awe of you for this! As someone who's never actually had any hobbies and now being unable to do the social things I used to enjoy, it is super difficult to determine what 'I like' to do nowadays. I did try painting once when I was at the brink of...
Back
Top