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  1. J

    When an abuser dies

    Have you had an abuser die? My ex husband who was abusive to me and abused my oldest daughter died unexpectedly a few weeks before Christmas. My daughter hadn't seen him in 10 years. My other children saw him once about 2 years ago. My son texted him once in a while. The emotions that we are...
  2. J

    Prayer Requests

    Thank you. The surgery went well. We are going to relax and listed to podcasts this afternoon🙂
  3. J

    Prayer Requests

    Please send prayers for my husband that his surgery goes well and that he regains his eyesight. Also pray for me to have the strength to be here for him in the way that he needs.
  4. J

    New and trying to figure things out

    @Renly I'm sorry that you need to be on this journey too. I appreciate you sharing, It helps me feel less alone. I will let you know if I find any good resources.
  5. J

    How do you define violence?

    This statement kept me from replying on this post right away. It is what I am afraid to face. I need to accept this incident for what it is, along with other incidents in my marriage to move forward.
  6. J

    I Don't Want to BE Here

    When I read your post @Eagle3 , what jumps out at me is your strength. You have had a lot thrown at you yet you are still trying. It sounds like you could use some real life help. Is there a distress line that you can call where you are?
  7. J

    feeling like self-harm and depressed

    There is some great advice here @littlestars. Keep reaching out to real life supports and keep posting here for support. A thought that has helped me get through similar times is that no feeling is final. A counsellor once told me that it is impossible to feel this way forever. It will get better.
  8. J

    How do you define violence?

    @Renly I plan to discuss this with my T. I dont see her again until December. If I define violence as someone having per and control over the other, then I was in a very violent relationship. I never thought that my marriage was that bad because I was treated so much better than how my sister...
  9. J

    How do you define violence?

    I seems like this is a very complex topic.It looks like a common theme here is intent. So could one say that any act with the intent to harm another is violent and that there is a degree of violence that depends on the severity of the outcome? I find it interesting to consider violence to be...
  10. J

    How do you define violence?

    I know that this probably seems like a really dumb questions but I am wondering what kinds of things are considered violence vs abuse? Today I remembered an intake worker's reaction when I told her about things that my x had done. I didn't think that these things were violent but she acted like...
  11. J

    How do I deal with Rageholic sister

    I have a sister who had very toxic behaviours towards family members. I have had to put up very firm boundaries so that she does not impact me. She often cuts down other members so the she can inflate herself. The second she starts, I end the conversation and then step back from her for a while...
  12. J

    Noticing inner feelings

    That is great advice. I am only noticing the negative feelings, not the positive ones. This is exactly why I know it is worth it. I'm just beginning to realise how much I do it. I think it was a lot more, even when things were calm and going well, than I was aware of. It has been a habit that...
  13. J

    Noticing inner feelings

    I am working on noticing how I feel inside throughout the day. I think that before, I was just kind of zoning out and not paying attention. Earlier today, I noticed that I was feeling anxious and protective of my kids/grandson when my hubby was frustrated about something. I could link it to my x...
  14. J

    Moving stress

    Congratulations! I am so happy for you. I just sold a house that I need to be away from( I was renting it out) and am waiting for the buyer to have financing approved. Cheers to moving forward! 🍷
  15. J

    Good educational resources for sexual abuse possibly causing a mix up of sex and love

    I took this to mean that the family already knows what happend and that @lostforgottensoul wants to find an article about how sexual abuse victims confuse sex and love. It is a way for them to understand past behaviour. I am assuming that this does not mean that specific details about the...
  16. J

    Poll Do you carry or display photographs of people important to you?

    Nope. I used to have pictures of my kids up. Once I learned that they didn't have the childhood I thought they did, I couldn't stand to look at the pictures. It took several years before I could. I never got in the habit of putting any up after that. The rest of my family can be triggers.
  17. J

    Ideas to feel a little better

    Everyone is absolutely amazing! So I went for a 25 min walk. I live close to a river and went down to a beautiful babbling brook that leads to it and just stood in the sun watching and listening to the water. It felt amazing! Then I can home, made some lunch and a tea. While my emotions are a...
  18. J

    Ideas to feel a little better

    I am going to try that @joeylittle. I Looked at the list that @Teasel gave me and I decided that walking to the front porch was active. I got to the door and it was chilly so I went back to the couch. Walking a short distance counts as active, right? That inspired me to put the kettle on. Now I...
  19. J

    Ideas to feel a little better

    I am very depressed. Having a hard time doing anything. I am hurting so bad that i can hardly breath. Nothing is appealing. I need a bunch of ideas. It's too hard to think of something on my own right now.
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