Disclosing To Non-sufferers

[MapleTreeSunset]

What do you call your PTSD in the company of non-sufferers? I notice that when I say I have PTSD, lay people are quick to say "oh, I had a little of that PTSD too." I don't know if it's to empathize, trivialize, or because everyone just thinks it's about claiming resiliency and struggle, not an actual illness, but it's so invalidating.

I find that, annoying as it may be, if I say "neurological trauma condition" or even just "pervasive medical condition" (pervasive, because the word chronic also has a mainstream cultural bias now), I feel more heard and validated than if I use the term "PTSD."

Anyone else relate? And if so it if not, how do you practice self-care around people's inaccurate assumptions?

 

[BlueOrange]

I use a variety of explanations, depending on who I'm talking to, and how much of a conversation I want to have.

"I got injured a while ago, and it plays up sometimes."

"I've got some nerve damage"

"I've been diagnosed with PTSD."

"I have a condition similar to PTSD."

"I was diagnosed with PTSD, but it was revised to Dissociative Identity Disorder."

Most people don't really want to know very much. I've had a lot of practice explaining the PTSD diagnosis, having had it for 14 years now. DID is harder to explain, and I've only had the label for 18 months. Now that I've told pretty much everybody, I don't get as much value out of telling people as I used to. But I definitely put a lot of value on being able to tell people when I want to. (I feel like it's my choice these days.) I've not experienced people saying "Oh yeah, me too." I have prompted other people to make disclosures, but it was never trivializing (perhaps a cultural difference between our countries).

 

[Deleted member 39333]

I don't tell anyone, ever. Works a treat!

 

[Ronin]

I don't disclose, at this point.

No one I'd want to share histories with & none of their business.
I used to say things like trauma & stress disorder that affects whole my immune system, and leave it there.

 

[ladee]

I only tell Dr's now. Very rarely do I say anything to normals. When I do..I say I have PTSD and yes women can have it and no it is not combat related.
People don't want to hear about it. They think we all had childhoods like theirs and "why don't you Just get over it" attitude.
Sometimes I just want to have a full tilt boogie breakdown in front of them.
Regain my composure and tell them to just "Get over" what they saw and heard.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I don't disclose to anyone except a close friend and usually after they tell me something personal. I used to do it often when I led support groups for sexual abuse survivors. Outside of those support groups I was open about my CSA. Then I stopped sharing with anyone.

One of my pet peeves is when people ask me how I'm doing. They don't really want to know. Although it sounds like an open invitation to share, it isn't. Yet I find they want to spell their beans to me. It's the oddest thing. I've had people tell me things they've never told even their spouses. Yet I'm supposed to remain close lipped.

 

[ladee]

Relate to this one @Incongruous ! I know more about complete strangers than I do some of my close friends.
I don't know..do we send out a vibe that says "dump your shit here. I'm used to it"

 

[Sandstone]

Usually I just say I have an anxiety related condition.

If I must say more, which only been on four occasions in over five years, then I say PTSD and immediately explain that I got it because something happened that was so bad that my mind hasn't been able to put it into the past, so I constantly expect to be attacked from behind. If pressed I refuse to give any details, saying "No, it was too bad, I don't talk about it" |I may have been lucky in the people I've spoken with, but each has been helpful and supportive. The hyper vigilance isn't my worst symptom, but it seems to be one that others can understand.

 

[Friday]

<laughing> I very much used to be one of those annoying people who would say I had a perky little case of PTSD way back when / once upon a time! :D Pass the egg rolls?. Dammit. If only the past tense were still true! LeSigh. Oh well.

I had no problem disclosing when I was doing just fine, with a few caveats (for example I've never told my family, about my PTSD or trauma) ; but as soon as I started doing badly again? Shrug. I don't tell anyone, as a rule. I've been caught out a few times, usually by vets, but even then I don't talk about it. That's easy to do, though. There's almost an unspoken rule about keeping shit light. Hell. Even with my therapist I have a hard time talking about it. Bit like Voldemort. He who shall not be named :p

As far as what people assume? I really don't give a damn.

Correction. I'm glad my family just thinks I'm an asshole, incompetent, & general all around f*ckup & failure. Saves them some grief. I owe them that much, at least. Good people, my family. I can't do a lot for them, but since I can do this, I'm glad of it. Everyone else? Pfft. I hardly owe anyone an explanation. Pardon me for breathing? Nah.

 

[claroscuro]

I now only disclose my mental illnesses to people I have a very close relationship with, or who are a constant in my life and have a high probability of witnessing it in action, but only after they have gained my trust and illustrated an ability to be compassionate. The level of disclosure is dependent on the depth of the relationship. I mostly avoid people who fall outside those groups. I'd rather be seen as peculiar or weird because of someone's ignorance of the facts than have to deal with insensitivity, misconceptions, and stereotyping.

PTSD is usually last on my list as it's the diagnosis I have experienced the most misunderstanding with, often times in very hurtful or infuriating ways. Sadly I have come to learn through experience that it's generally not wise to disclose without very careful consideration.
If they can't handle disclosure on ADHD, Depression, OCD, or GAD, they're going to fail spectacularly at not being jerks about PTSD. Using deflective language hasn't helped, I always get the curious ones who think it's story time!

As much as I would love to live in a world where normal people understand mental illness, and don't trivialize, demonize, or shame it, I'm not currently equipped to expand others' awareness. I applaud those who stand up and take an active role in education on the reality of mental health problems.

 

[BlueOrange]

I'm distressed to learn that I seem to have had a much better time of things than so many people who express themselves so well on the forums.

My first theory is that I tend to move in highly-educated circles, and that I take great pains to be really nice in person. To the extent that I experience prejudice, people think of me as weak and vulnerable. (I guess there's some accuracy in it.)

I've also tended to associate with artsy people, and populations with high rates of mental illness. And BeyondBlue has changed Australian attitudes to mental illness quite a bit over the last decade.

I feel like I could do more, given how safe things are for me. But I don't know what to actually do.

 

[ladee]

@BlueOrange , in what area would you like to do more and in what way?