Love Of My Life Turned To Ice

[Deleted member 39414]

I met my ex online. We wrote to each other every day for six weeks. When we met, it was magic. After three months, I was in love. I had dated a dozen men and knew he was the one. After a year, he and his two sons moved in. I had the family life I always wanted. After four months of living together, the nightmares started. He thought he was sleeping on body bags. He started sleeping on the sofa. Then he said he was moving out. This is after he told me he loved me unconditionally, wrote me beautiful letters. He told me I would always be part of his life. Then no contact. I write him and he his frosty. I say I'm struggling and he says, "Take care of yourself." OR "I know my decisions are unpleasant "
WTF?
For anyone going through this, I am here to say this is crazy making. I am dealing with it by taking classes and traveling. I have never cried so much.
For those with PTSD, please DO NOT do this to loved ones without explaining what is going through your head and why you feel compelled to flee.
If you have any words of wisdom, please share.
God Bless our hearts.

 

[Terryl]

The only thing I can say is maybe a little more time getting to know him would have shown his true issues with a relationship. I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

[GrayOwl]

Thank you for sharing.
I hope he gets help.
I hope you do as well.
It's hard to move on or make decisions which way to go.
It's also a reminder to me that my actions have an impact on those in my life, especially those close to me. Ptsd doesn't give me license to hurt others and I try to keep that in mind.
Take care of yourself.
You deserve to be treated well.
Thank you again. Good post.
It helps.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

It's a lonely world out there

 

[Friday]

You posted this as a big f*ck you guilt trip on the sufferers side of the forum, so I'm going to be really blunt.

Would you be happier if he just ate his gun?

Or if he stayed when he was out of control & beat you to death in a nightmare? Or maybe just so f*cking badly that you spent months in and out of hospitals and the rest of your life on disability with crippling PTSD?

Have you even considered that maybe leaving you was the kindest thing he could do for you?

Are these some worst case examples? Of course. But this is PTSD. We live the worst case examples. And there is a whole world of badness that could have happened instead of simply being broken up with.

You were in a relationship for about a year. You broke up. You're sad. You're getting over it with traveling & classes. Cheers. Good for you. And you want to tell us how to end relationships "properly", so you don't have to be sad. Guess what? There is no way. Heartbreak hurts, by definition. If you actually care for someone it f*cking hurts when they die, or when they leave. That's just part of life. Whether the person you love has PTSD or not. The time for knowing what's in their heads? Is before they leave, or die. Unless you remain friends afterward, which is fairly rare in any ended relationship, you're not going to know. And if they don't want to tell you? You have not only have no right to know, but probably really don't want to.

Like that if your the kind of person who kicks a bunch of strangers when they're down, since your ex boyfriend has blocked your number after your repeated attempts to contact him after he's asked you to stop, so lashing out at them makes you feel better? I can see why he broke up with you.

If you had posted this on the supporters side of things, my answer would have been really different. But don't come try and play in the Oppression Olympics about how badly you're hurting, with a bunch of people with PTSD. It's not our fault you were broken up with in a manner not to your choosing.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I was getting ready to tag you but I knew you was coming @Friday

 

[Gadgie]

Looking back in it now, do you think it was too soon for him to move in with you? Do you think that his two kids were happy living there with you and their father?

I remember when my late wife wanted her youngest son to come and live with us, he was thirteen at that time. He told me, when we were alone one day, that he would try everything he could to split me and my up!

Give him is due, he damm near did it, by telling lies about me, and generally causing trouble at every opportunity he got!

Did you ever sit down and talk about his nightmares with you, or share any personal problems that he was having, or did he bottle it all up, as that can put a strain on any relationship up, no matter how strong it seems like?

 

[Deleted member 38644]

You posted this as a big f*ck you guilt trip on the sufferers side of the forum, so I'm going to be real...

@Savasana are you referring to the same guy who is a combat medic on your status?

 

[Deleted member 39857]

No offense Friday but that seemed a little bit harsh. There are ways of delivering information without lashing out. Honestly it was a little Angelina Jolie from Girl Interuppted harsh. Given I agree with you on a lot of your post you should work on using more positive language. I just hope you didn't push someone in a certain direction given the problem we all share...

 

[joeylittle]

I met my ex online. We wrote to each other every day for six weeks. When we met, it was magic. After three months, I was in love. I had dated a dozen men and knew he was the one

Im curious - those other men/relationships - how long did they last?

I question the reality of you and he developing a long-term sustainable relationship - especially where one of the partners is mentally ill - inside of a year.

Words of wisdom? Meet people in 3-D space. Recognize that the first 6 months of any relationship is blessed (or cursed by) hormones and attraction. It's not until after that period that things can start to get real.

Spend more time really getting to know someone, their warts and all. Relationships are ultimately not bestowed by some magical force, they are forged. The magic can start something - but the real stuff comes after that.

You sound like you had a very intense relatively brief affair, and I don't know that either of you knew it wasn't going to last. But fundamentally, it's good that you figured it out.

 

[Deleted member 39857]

Ohhh, reread the posts! Nah I totally agree with Friday, my bad!

 

[Deleted member 38644]

Dang I didn't know it was still postings happened. I was going to ask about the other guys as well but I thought I would be sounding rude so I erased it and wrote something else @joeylittle but I'm interested in helping her.