Disconnecting with all family members or not?

[Rainsong]

So I can relate. I have a very narcissistic family with plenty of abuse swept under the rug. I...

Also: what is DBT?

 

[Scarlet13]

Well it is an individual decision. If the boundaries are not met then you have to do something. I am low contact with my family and if my boundaries are not met I just take breaks. But this is very tricky. My therapist says my mental health should be the priority.

 

[Scarlet13]

DBT is dialectical behavior therapy. It was originally developed for Borderline personality disorder. It is great for PTSD and the suicidal thoughts. I would see my mom and just being around her made me want to kill myself so I used DBT to immediately relieve that and lower the pain. I have a binder that I made full of skills like dipping your hands in ice water or even a list of pleasant activities you can do. Of course a DBT skill could be for me just to not be around my mother. Ha

 

[Rainsong]

Well it is an individual decision. If the boundaries are not met then you have to do something...

How does it work for you? Do you get triggered by meeting them? I go into a depression afterwards every time, and I don't know how to change that

 

[Rainsong]

DBT is dialectical behavior therapy. It was originally developed for Borderline personality di...

Hahaha
Thanks, I did learn some of those coping skills in trauma therapy, probably called something else over here. The biggest problem is me automatically going into "faking it mode" to survive, cause my brain flashes danger. I don't even notice myself sucking every emotion up, it just happens automatically. I think if it didn't I would be a mess, just crying on the floor, around my family... that would be an interesting family event

 

[Scarlet13]

I know what you mean about 'faking it' mode. You are very perceptive to notice that. I bet your other family members dont even notice or know they are in a mode.

 

[Rainsong]

Oh and this last year I also had a talk with my sister about us both being able to take breaks and tell each other when we need it ( not just disappear) Still she gets super hurt and pissed off when I take a break and tell her why... I will try to talk to her again maybe....

 

[Rainsong]

I know what you mean about 'faking it' mode. You are very perceptive to notice that. I bet you...

That is true, they don't. I do. I haven't always seen it, but now that I do, there is no going back... it is so enormously energy draining to be in that.

 

[Rainsong]

Thanks for all the advice people, I'm grateful.

I will find my decision soon I hope

 

[anthony]

How does it work for you?

DBT is a three step, sometimes four step, approach to teaching yourself self management. You learn how to control your mind, emotions and thus the behaviour that forms from thoughts and emotion. It teaches you to look at things realistically, to look at things from a present tense view, to use the best of emotion and thoughts to find a middle ground, and take that approach. The middle ground is an approach of balance, in essence.

It takes a year or two to learn and put into place within your life, at an instinctive level, but its well worth the time to learn and experience. DBT is an extension of CBT. I've been using CBT principles here since opening this site, and in my own life for 11 years. I've been learning and using DBT principles for many years. Its like a year, two or three of work, to suddenly derive a much healthier life outcome for yourself. If you're fluent with CBT, then DBT principles are maybe a year of work, tops, as you already have the mindset of CBT fundamentals and application.

It teaches you to control you and accept others for just who they are. To step back from being as judgemental of others. It helps you control anger and dysregulated emotion. DBT is often best done in a group for feedback and pushing one another to establish the principles... you could do it here online, you can do it with a therapist, you can do it by yourself.

If you struggle with complex emotional states that lead to dysregulation, suicidality, deep depression or anxiety, then DBT is probably your best treatment option. DBT is not a trauma therapy -- its a stabilisation and control therapy.

 

[Rainsong]

DBT is a three step, sometimes four step, approach to teaching yourself self management. You learn how to c...

Thank you, I'm pretty sure they used it in the group therapy. I was in this institution for a year(with breaks trying out being at home) and they focused on a lot of that stuff. I will ask my therapist about it

 

[blueangel371115]

So much of what you wrote is the same in my family, years of pretending none of it happened to the point i feel like they dont even remeber.

Yup same here. I can relate to much of this, and other replies. It seems to be a common thread.