"i Love You, But I'm Not In Love With You."

[Redheaded Stranger]

I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words. I won't be sharing any of his private issues with my friends or family and they don't need to know anything other than we love each other but that we are not currently seeing each other. I'll cry with you all not not with them, because you all understand. His things will be here for a few weeks and some longer so hopefully we'll be able to talk several times. And I doubt he'll change his email address so even afterward, I will send him an encouraging email every few months just to let him know he is not alone.

I know all of the circumstances swirling around him and they are crushing, even to the strongest person. His life is being forever altered by circumstances way beyond his control and that is unbearable to him. So I have let him know that I believe in him and that I'm not giving up on him. I've asked that he take all the time he needs but to know that I will be here for him no matter what or when. And I mean it. I don't care what comfort he takes elsewhere (I don't want to know about i) as long as he keeps fighting through the swamp and finds his way out at the end. If he does and still chooses not to be with me, well then all I can keep praying for is his happiness, which is all I've ever wanted. I choose never to be with anyone else because he's the one. I knew it the day I met him and I'll never change my mind. He is my Veteran and I'll support him no matter what (but not in a stalker kind of way).

So, if it is okay with you all, I'll continue to hang out here and learn more tools so that if he ever does come back, that I'll be of some comfort to him. And, from a purely selfish standpoint, you all make me feel not so quite alone while I wait.

Thanks

Red

 

[Steph_F]

Send him sexy notes too. No really, you know how men often connect emotionally physically...if you think it might remind him what he has waiting for him at home, go for it!
I know its not just about sex, but if you are desperate and since he's already left, give it a shot.

Just something that worked for me...if you think it will only make things worse or would inappropriate, obviously don't do it.

 

[The Hermit King]

Red you are awesome.

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

:) Thanks Chemlight. Not feeling awesome today but am still resolute. Thansk for the support!

 

[Mockingbird13]

So, if it is okay with you all, I'll continue to hang out here and learn more tools so that if he ever does come back, that I'll be of some comfort to him. And, from a purely selfish standpoint, you all make me feel not so quite alone while I wait.Red

I second that...this is why I'm still here.... Welcome to my boat...

 

[harmony of love1]

I have felt the same way since 09, nothing could waiver my love for this man. He captured my heart and I am a tenderoni soul one that stays true. May our loves feel our sentiment through prayers and dreams when the reality is too much.

 

[suevrst1]

I don't want to give false hope, maybe it really truly is over for you guys. Sometimes even when it feels right, it is just not in the cards. Everything happens for a reason.

That being said however maybe you are right. My guy told me the exact same thing when his life started sliding out of his control. Since then, he's told me that back then everything was so overwhelming that he didn't feel like he could not be the man he felt I deserved so he let me go so he would not damage me. He truly wasn't "in love"with me at the time, he needed to focus on himself so much to feel like he would survive. Can you even imagine that?? Here I was bummed out cuz I didn't get to hear the lovey mushy stuff every day and there he was feeling like he was fighting for his life. Looking back I realize I was the selfish one. I stood by him though. I offered my attention and tried to take any pressure off him relationship-wise and with time (and a whole lot of tears) he came back to me.

If you have his things in your house, he must still trust you. Hang in there, let him know you care and you are his friend and if he needs anything, you got his back. Tell him to take his time, make sure you assure him that YOU are ok. If he is dealing with guilt, the last thing he needs is to feel more guilt. As hard as it is, try to give him space and time. Come here often and vent and whine and complain and feel sad...I bet I (we) might have felt something very similar! You are not alone, I promise!

Just a word of caution, something I found out the hard way...really think about who you share your pain with. Sometimes the people that love you may not be willing to understand that PTSD turns perfectly amazing people into a-holes. We understand that, we hate it as much as the sufferers do, but we understand it.

Stay close honey, ok? You will be alright!

I have never been on here before, but feel that I have so much in common....I fell in love with my boyfriend online while he was in Afghanistan, he came home and it was everything we discussed and more, My son and I moved in with him 1 month later...things have been great!! He was the father to my son that he never had, I love his kids with all of my heart. He had orders to leave again in June 2012 but much to his suprise they were reversed and he was forced to retire (25 years Navy Seabee Chief) this took a toll on him, and more recently he has been very hyperfocused on his 8 yr old daughter that lives 3 hours away. He seemed to start disconnecting himself little by little, and I would occasionaly see him zoning out and very irritable at times. We had a huge family Christmas (during that time spent alot of time with his 8 yr old without us) three days later told me that he may move to where she lives, and is not truely in love with me anymore (crying). Broke my and my sons heart, never saw it coming. The next days we spoke (he is not a good communicator) about possible giving him space and working on it little by little...he was very distant days later...we continue to live together (one day tells me i should look for a place that he's leaving, he wants me in same bed with him, does things with my son and I, still says about moving waiting for a job, but nothing is consistant, seems to have shut down emotionally (as a chief would do)....I still feel that he loves me but is shutting off his feelings..I don't know what I am going to have from one day to the next...there has never been any arguing, fighting etc. He has recently started his paperwork for VA (finally) and feel he is opening up a little, I have found a place of my own but don't want to leave him...UGGGG

 

[Wagon]

Hell Suevsrt1, This thread is pretty old. However, you may have noted when you signed up this is a Veterans only site. You can go to the sister site. PTSD. There are supporters there that can answer your questions. Good Luck.

 

[Cufflinks]

Well, I am in the strange position of being the sufferer but on the receiving end of the "I love you but.." thing.

I have pushed and pushed over the past 13 years and my wife has finally had enough. She says that I'm still her best friend and that she'll always be there for me "on the end of a phone" but that any feeling within the marriage is gone and she wants a divorce. I'm gutted. I feel like my life is being ripped up. I have my faults, my main ones are anger/temper/need issues. I also have flashbacks, nightmares and hypervigilence and lots of the rest of the problems but I've been a good husband and dad and have always been there for her. I haven't done the distance thing or cut her off (unless it's been over an arguement that's got out of hand).

She won't change her mind on the divorce but I just don't know what to make of this. I'm now getting treatment and will get this stuff back under control.

 

[Anglesachse]

Rustler mate.

My misses went the same route about 5 years ago.

Wasn`t until I was in a clinic, and getting help that she even thought about letting me back into her life as a "Possible Husband"

She decided to get back but it had Requirements. All of which I was willing to accept.

Things like, Talking and letting her know whats happening, what I am feeling. When I am going to explode and such.

All stuff that helps her to cope with me. Yeah we still have our barny`s what married couple doesn`t. But she now has a better chance of defusing a situation as it is arising.

You have to show that you are doing something. and then, just maybe, she will be willing to keep you.

 

[Wagon]

You have to show that you are doing something. and then, just maybe, she will be willing to keep you.

"Maybe" is the operative word in that. My ex is exactly that, at the end of a phone..well she's barely that. What she is is a blood sucking lesbo commy.......but I'm not bitter.

Sorry....I may have some issues.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Rustler

Many times here I see similar themes among our problems. Yours is one of them, unfortunately. Relationships are difficult enough without having the beast mulling around inside of you. You have to take care of your own issues first; get some help if you aren't already. But, sadly, I'd have to say that your probably not going to be able to salvage the relationship with your wife in the way you want. I think you understand that it's taken 13 years to get this far, you can't correct all that's happened in a short time or at all. I'm sad for ya' Mate. But perhaps in time you can still have something, if not together. No one can fix you but you, do that work first. Best of luck to ya' and I hope it all works out.

Jar