@Bleev I had that experience too, AND I saw my miscarried daughter standing at the gates of Heaven calling out to me, "Mommy! Mommy!" with her arms outstetched to me. I saw a lot of yellow light there, it was warm and inviting. Jesus was there and asked me if I wanted to stay or if I wanted to go back. (I'd had an allergic reaction to a psych med and had passed out). I knew I had unfinished business here, so I said I wanted to come back. Immediately I woke up in an ambulance, and the first word out of my mouth was "Mommy." echoing my daughter's voice, then "Jesus" calling out to Him.
However, I do know how you feel too. I did try to kill myself once and I nearly succeeded. I was in a coma for almost 2 weeks. When I came to, there was this bi*ch of a nurse that made my coming back to life a living he*l. I swore to myself then and there that I would never do it again. I didn't want to wake up to something like that ever again. She played a real guilt trip on me, ya know?
But yeh, I know, another year of fear is not what we want to deal with either. Are you in therapy? I am between therapists rignt now. Therapy has helped a lot, as have the meds I take (except for that one I was allergic too!) I'm working on getting a Trauma SPeicalist for my therapist. I will be evaluated on Oct. 5th for it, so that my insurance will cover it.
ANyway, I hope you feel better and can get some relief.
