What's wrong with me?

[Catman(DC)]

....I don't get myself,I don't like pornography or watching that.what's wrong with me?I know i hate myself for watching that and feel guilty,I don't know if this cause my anxiety even worse or cause mine pstd even worse,what's wrong with me?

 

[littleoc]

Hello. :)

Having been sexually abused by my ex gf, I just wanted you to be aware that if you are having impulses related to reliving traumas, I've been told that it is normal.

Watching porn seems to be a common issue for many with sexual abuse.

Are you in therapy?

 

[Catman(DC)]

Hello. :)

Having been sexually abused by my ex gf, I just wanted you to be aware that if you are hav...

yes but i don't know why i have girl in my school past in my sexual fantasy,i don't like them please explain that.

 

[littleoc]

yes but i don't know why i have girl in my school past in my sexual fantasy,i don't like them please...

I can't explain you. Only you can eventually know you.

But I will say you certainly don't have to like what you see to be exposing yourself to it. You might be trying to reexpose yourself to it, subconsciously.

Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Catman(DC)]

I can't explain you. Only you can eventually know you.

But I will say you certainly don't have to li...

yes we talked about this but it didn't go anywhere.

 

[littleoc]

yes we talked about this but it didn't go anywhere.

Sorry to hear that :( Maybe you should try bringing it up again, especially if it's bothering you.

I can't think of ways offhand of how to stop impulses like that, except to distract myself with a grounding exercise. Listening to music works, because my music device doesn't have internet. I also go outside on hikes, if that's safe for you.

 

[Catman(DC)]

Sorry to hear that :( Maybe you should try bringing it up again, especially if it's bothering you.

I...

It seem great stuff to keep me off of this garbage but I don’t know,I feel depressed when I do it.

 

[littleoc]

It seem great stuff to keep me off of this garbage but I don’t know,I feel depressed when I do it....

You feel depressed when you don't? As far as I've heard, that's normal and a part of healing.

Have you seen a thread in the Polls section called "Do you recreate your trauma?"

I view it kind of like that, if you can find the link. I didn't have much luck, this time.

 

[Catman(DC)]

You feel depressed when you don't? As far as I've heard, that's normal and a part of healing.

Have y...

I feeling depression on I been trying to keep fake smile but I cannot stop,idk this is nothing new I been trying to get rid since last year but no success.

 

[littleoc]

I feeling depression on I been trying to keep fake smile but I cannot stop,idk this is nothing new I...

Then maybe it is time to get your therapist involved. Or, if your therapist keeps dismissing it, it may be time to find someone who can help you better.

But the best thing is to keep the ability to follow through on the urges away. Much easier said than done. There are extentions you can buy for browsers, for example, that allow you to block certain sites on your own computer. Sometimes that can be extremely helpful.

It's also possible that in order to move past this, you may need help dealing with the traumatic memories first. I can't quite remember what order I did things, but I do remember getting relief both from dealing with the source of the trouble, and by dealing with the trouble itself. It's a bit of a vicious cycle :(

 

[Catman(DC)]

Then maybe it is time to get your therapist involved. Or, if your therapist keeps dismissing it, it ma...

Do you have recommendations book for me?i like to read.

 

[littleoc]

I like to read too, but I haven't thought of anything that would be useful to share... I've been going back to teenage reads. But I saw you started a thread elsewhere, so maybe that'll attract some answers!