XTC (Extacy Pills)

[emote]

Hi all.

Over two years ago, I took my first XTC pill at a club with a friend. I felt more alive than I'd ever felt before. It was in a time of great depression and feeling so numb - having felt this way for the longest of times. I felt as if when taking this pill, it helped me with a major breakthrough in my depression. From feeling as if I needed to 'leave this world' just to stop the panic attacks and horrible thoughts, to actually wanting to live life. I went back to University, got a full-time job, made some really wonderful friends and now I'm at today.

However, I believe I was addicted to XTC. I took one or two every weekend and then there were music festivals, and outings. I always wanted to experience XTC in different formats - in other words, not just going out clubbing, but staying home and having a conversation, completely enthralled with life. It heightens your awareness of your surroundings.

Nowadays, I've toned it down quite a lot. I guess, with age, comes more responsibility. And, I don't really like the 'comedown' effect, wasting a weekend feelings sorry for myself. The higher you are, the lower you will be for the next 4 or so days after taking a pill. I still use pills now and then, the last having been New Years Eve, but I also realised that same day that this is not where I want to be in life. I don't want to rely on a drug to make me happy - legal, or not.

In a sense, I feel as if I should thank a drug for helping me combat for some rough times. But that sounds really ludicrous to me, and probably kept me taking those pills for a lot longer than I should have. I have read online, that MDMA (pure xtc) has been noted as a therapeutic tool for ptsd. I believe it is.

Can anyone else relate?

 

[Grama-Herc]

Not meaning to be rude, but Do You even have PTSD? Your thread seems to be about nothing but xtc, which was what the title stated, but I am concerned you may be in the wrong forum.

 

[Freddy_hiding_less]

It's possible that MDMA or some other drug like it could be a useful tool making exposure therapy more efficient, but as far as I know there is not enough evidence to conclude that today.

Used as self-medication for coping, I believe it's a really bad idea.

 

[Grainne]

Using street drugs as a form of 'self-treatments' is pretty much a bad idea no matter what. I can tell you that I have used both drugs and alcohol to 'help' me cope and have lost my way with both at one time or another. Both methods, I have thought have helped me in a thearputic way, and every time I turned out to be wrong. Using drugs to cope is really just another method of avoidance.

Are you on any perscribed medications? If agumenting your mood is helpful to you, antidepressants might do the trick? (They've helped me find stability).

Just a thought. Our poor bodies are going through so much anyway...with all the adrenaline and stress. Throwing uncontrolled chemicals in just causes more stress for your system. If you feel like crap for days afterward getting high, how is that worth it?

Best of luck,
Grainne

 

[Deleted member 541]

I hope that you can get off of this crap, and learn to deal with the issues that you have. Your trauma....Other wise you will still be seeking ways to self medicate/avoid/and deny...Not good when it comes to trying to heal. The drug that you are playing with is dangerous without medical intervention...It's no difference that any other bad coping skill that many of us have used, they are all dangerous, IMO!!!!!

 

[rjtransient]

Oh wow. I had to ask myself whether you're for real. I believe you might be, but you're new and your post sent up warning flags, so you'll have to forgive my skepticism.

I'm studying for a midterm (on the neurochemical basis of addiction, strangely enough), so I'll keep this short.

1) If what you're saying is true, you've been lucky to

i) be getting pills that actually DO contain MDMA, because unless you own one of those pill testing kits, you never know what's in them; and

ii) have the money to pay for the habit. Ecstasy isn't cheap.

2) Another part of my skepticism comes from your claim that the pills helped you to totally turn your life around. I'd be genuinely interested, and I mean that, in hearing how your breakthrough came about. The half-life of MDMA is six to eight hours: the junk is more or less out of your system after that. How did you achieve a steady psychological state without taking the drug on any sort of regular basis (i.e. daily)? I've never heard of MDMA "snapping" somebody out of depression the way electroshock might. Again, please feel free to clarify.

3) As you must know, chronic MDMA use screws up your brain chemistry. Serotonergic fibers in the forebrain are damaged, possibly beyond repair (Boot et al., 2000, cited in Meyer's Psychopharmacology: Drugs, The Brain, and Behaviour, p. 298). You're making the depression worse.

4) I'd be interested in the study you mentioned that proposes ecstasy as a treatment for PTSD.

Please don't go looking for novel ways to treat depression or PTSD on your own. You said this isn't where you want to be. Make a doctor's appointment and talk about trying antidepressants and/or mood stabilizers, depending on what your GP/psychiatrist suggests. If you don't want to be on any pills, period, you'll have to look into therapy and take up a serious exercise regimen if you want to stay relatively healthy and happy.

NB: I'm not looking down on anybody who has resorted to self-medication. The closest I've come: I found that small doses of Imovane produce euphoria. Taking half a tab would make me more social, motivate me, and make essays easier to write. But it's a false high -- I lose my good judgement under the influence and then the comedown hits. It's just not the best way to handle things.

 

[Midnight]

Okay, I'll be frank. I've used this drug a handful of times - but when I was using it I was NOT in a good place. I have heard that some places in Europe use small doses in a controlled environment - with counselling, to help trauma victims. As far as brain damage goes, this drug works by flooding your brain with serotonin (a chemical your brain produces naturally to regulate mood, antidepressants also alter levels of this chemical). It feels really, really good, but afterwards, your brain has trouble dealing with all the excess serotonin, and it damages you. Basically, you are chemically lobotomizing yourself.

I would suggest you stop your use now, and talk to a doctor, because it is likely you have long term damage and may need to take something to combat the severe mood swings from coming off (in Canada there is something called '5HTP' that is sold OTC that some users take the day after, to 'even out' the serotonin - no proof that this does anything, and some say that certain antidepressants can help, but I'm not sure if it's MAO inhibitors or SSRI's, and they work very differently, so ask a doctor and do some more research).

I also agree with rjtransient; who knows what was really in those pills. Maybe heroin, maybe ketamine, maybe meth? Especially if you were taking press tabs. Have you considered that instead of helping you 'cope' this drug is actually just a form of escapism? I understand self medication, I experimented with pretty much everything out there, save heroin, and still may use marijuana occasionally for severe muscle tension. But any drug, legal or no, will not help anyone recover from PTSD, it is the hard work you do with yourself (and a counsellor) through integrating traumatic memories and changing your behaviour that will ultimately help a sufferer increase their quality of life, and you don't need drugs to do that. Drugs can only treat / mask the symptoms.

 

[emote]

Rjtransient –
Firstly, thanks for your ‘food for thought’ – I believe you had good intentions with your post, however came across a little accusatory. Perhaps, because of my new status, regardless there were some quality points that made me stop and think.

I do not, personally, own a test kit and am very aware of what are in street drugs. In reference to pure MDMA, type in MDMA and PTSD into any search engine and you will come across many theories and campaigns to finance MDMA as a therapeutic tool. – maps.org would be a good start.

Did they help ‘totally turn my life around’ – I believe they contributed and I’ve spoken about this to doctors and counsellors who, understandably warn you against any form of illegal substance as a form of help. However, they all equally agree there is some scientific truth behind euphoria and PTSD. In reference to another persons question – Yes, I was diagnosed with having PTSD in 2000. I’ve no doubt had it for a lot longer. I am a survivor of 8 years of sexual abuse. I am a survivor of a further 8 years of wanting to kill myself every day, just to stop thinking about how “shit my life was” and disturbing panic attacks and anxiety issues. I couldn’t keep a job; I didn’t even want a job. Instead, I just wanted to dwell in self pity. 16 years of my life – taken away. I can never get those years back.

And while I was at my lowest, I experienced the highest of feelings with one single euphoric moment. A moment that lasted only a short time, but regardless it was possibly the first feeling I had in 16 years. Not even when my Grandfather and Uncle passed away; two people, with whom I were close to, did I feel anything..

Is it safe to do? No. Do I realise that now? Yes. I’m smart in a stupid kind of way, when it involved my drug taking. I kept taking drugs to experience feeling something. Until, one day, I realised I’m starting to feel things without taking drugs.

Obviously, there are more responsible ways for treating PTSD and I’m taking steps to go about the right way of doing this. I think I’m up to round 5 at approaching counselling. I guess, the reason for this thread, was to ask if anyone has ever experienced something similar or can give any feedback with regards to ecstasy and ptsd.


Midnight -

What helps me 'cope' is writing poetry. The moment I started thinking to myself, 'why am I really doing this?' is the moment I realised I don't need to do it. The need has come and gone. The want, is sometimes still there. But it's not a tool for coping. It was a tool for feeling. Now that I feel, without anything else, I'm starting to experience life for the first time. It's a hard process, and I know I will get there. I thank you for your words, though.


Grainne -

Yes our bodies are going through a lot. This is why I have stopped.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I posted this last year, but as stated in the article, it was done under supervision, so that everything was monitored and controlled.....IMO, this is the safest way to go. NOT by taking street drugs, and experimenting on your own..... [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/showthread.php?t=9777[/DLMURL]

 

[Klarity Belle]

http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/03/10/mdma-ecstasy-for-ptsd/4642.html

I came across this article the other day, very interesting. I'm quite open minded to psychoactive's being used in a controlled theraputic setting. These drugs can open a gateway into the limbic brain and can help release and process trauma. I agree street mdma pills are a bad idea and probably bad quality mdma too.

Another interesting psychoactive is Iboga (Ibogaine) an african root bark, it is used in specialised clinics for helping addicts to detox, apparently they can get off their substance for good and with no withdrawal symptoms. Its all very interesting but there have been fatalities so for me that choice would never be an option - I have two lovely kids to think about, the mdma trial I would consider if I had the opportunity.

http://www.primals.org/articles/allan.html - interesting article on Ibogaine

 

[Clydiechick]

Hi

Sorry but I'm with the majority. Illicit, extremely dangerous street drugs for treating PTSD? I don't think so.

I hate taking prescribed medication, the thought of using a street drug that can kill you, is ridiculous. I could only imagine that the highs and lows of this drug would make matters much worse. As well as the high risk of sending you into psychosis.

This is a dangerous past time of yours, I hope you find a better way. You obviously haven't seen anybody close up that has adverse reactions to mdma? They are like out of control monsters that try and rip their own skin off, pull their own eyes out, rip chunks of hair out of their own scalps. It can take 10 men to hold down 1 mere male under the effect.

Clydie

 

[emote]

I'm gathering no one has had any clinically supervised trials? Would it be worthwhile researching more about this? I'm not quite sure.

As for the street drugs part of my rant, up there. I'm no longer taking it as a form of escapism. I'm no longer taking it period. As much as I believe it helped me in a dark period of mine, I also believe it put me in a different dark spot - one that I can physically and emotionally get out of, unlike the triggers of my own depression caused by the abuse I went through.