Medical PTSD means I am too terrified to undergo necessary urgent invasive medical procedure

[Red Rufus]

I have PTSD after being viciously and persistently stalked for 6 years. Absolutely everyone in authority that I turned to for help let me down in a massive way including solicitors, insurance company, Local Authorities doctors and NHS mental health services. The police in particular victimised me, terrorised me and violated my home and their actions greatly encouraged and escalated the stalking. Before the stalking a very nasty dentist destroyed my healthy teeth. His lying bullying colleagues then ganged up on me to cover up what he’d done. I now need to undergo a colonoscopy as I am passing a lot of blood everyday. I cannot bear anybody especially so called ‘professionals’ to come anywhere near me let alone touch my body. I am convinced that ‘professionals’ are out to harm me and that they lie and never tell the truth. I have already bottled out and cancelled one appointment hoping that maybe my bleeding etc would stop but unfortunately it’s getting worse. I literally would rather die than go near a hospital or put my trust in anyone again. I just want to hug myself in a corner and be left alone. However the sensible part of me knows I need urgent medical help. Has anyone up here got any advice? Does anyone else have the same issues about undergoing medical procedures? I can’t bear the thought of even stepping into a hospital, the lights the smells, the uniforms, the feeling of losing control over what is done to my body, everything about it is terrifying. I feel like I would need to be drugged out of my mind just to be able to walk through the door let alone be physically touched by someone and trust them to carry out an invasive investigation without messing it up. I did mention PTSD to the hospital when I booked the appointment but I don’t feel that they understand as nothing was put in place to help me. There surely must be some awareness of how near impossible it is for trauma survivors with PTSD to go through the further trauma of medical tests.

 

[Friday]

I did mention PTSD to the hospital when I booked the appointment but I don’t feel that they understand as nothing was put in place to help me. There surely must be some awareness of how near impossible it is for trauma survivors with PTSD to go through the further trauma of medical tests.

There’s truly no way for anyone to know what might effect you how, without you telling them, therefore no way to know what assistance you might need, in what way.

Many people with PTSD have no problem with hospitals or medical procedures. Others may find the crowds difficult, but not the procedures themselves. Others may find some procedures are problematic, but others fine and crowds arent an issue, etc. Even amongst people who find the exact same procedure difficult, in the exact same way? Often need the exact “opposite” kind of assistance with it. (Example: 1 person needs more people in the room, 1 person needs fewer - 1 person needs to know in great detail everything that is happening as it happens, another to know as little as possible). There’s no universal This is what people with PTSD find difficult, this is how they are going to react, and this is how to help them.

You would need to speak directly with your team as to what your issues are, and how to best assist you with them.

 

[Red Rufus]

I am planning to go to a GP (unfortunately new to this area so these doctors don’t know me) and say what I want is to be sedated just to get to the hospital and to then be out cold for the procedure. I don’t want to know anything about it, I feel sick at the thought of ‘professionals’ touching me, I have zero trust after horror after my experiences

 

[Abstract]

Hi Red Reful and welcome.
It might help to especially tear apart the dentist experience and separate it from the rest of life. It certainly isn't unusual to find these procedures hard with ptsd. The one thing that has helped me is the alternative. If it truly is something nasty of that sort then treatment for something already set in there
is going to be harder than earlier treatment. Pain and related stuff is going to triggering regardless if left. Therefore of the lessor evils doing something now is preferable. It has shorter nastiness period and will limit the nastiness end point.

Although I understand PTSD logic rather than real logic, most people want to help. Especially in the "helping" professions.

 

[Neverthesame]

Where I'm from sedation is the standard protocol for a colonoscopy, most people sleep right through it. The thing to remember about hospital care staff and procedures like this is that they are busy and it's a routine quick procedure for most people. It's also a procedure that causes alot of people alot of anxiety just because of what it is. They are used to ushering nervous people through many times a day every day without incident.
It's ok that you are afraid, but as Friday said you need to be your own advocate. Make it clear to your care team that you are feeling more than just nervous. I hope it goes well for you.

 

[desiderata310]

Hi @Red Rufus
I share your terror at the possibility of being out of control but I have to say that I agree with @Friday. I think that your best bet is to start with a conversations with a GP and tell them what your BIG OMG Triggers with a capital T are and how you think they can best help you deal with those.

I happen to have serious capital T problems with gyns, internists (think colonoscopy) and dentists. Not the people themselves. They seem lovely, for the most part, but the procedures happening. One thing that I found helped was to bring someone with me to act as an advocate to slow things down and notice when I had dissociated or was going into a serious panic attack. I've moved away from that person sadly but she made things so much easier day of - both to have the conversation and literally STOPPED them because she could tell I wasn't 'whimpering' but rather 'not there'.
I've recently had an EYE EXAM where the Dr pushed my head back to put eye drops in and (to dilate my eyes) without even so much as a how-do-you-do and I up and left. Blurry eyed and bumping into everything. And we won't even talk about the debacle of a tooth extraction. It seemed I scared the entire office staff. Yeah, capital T.

All that to say, I hear you. There are ways to deal with this but you are going to have to be the one to start the process and advocate for yourself, tell them how to help you and if possible have someone to advocate for you the day of.

 

[Abstract]

Have to add that have just had one of those procedures after putting it off for a long time and with managing myself and the situation in general I managed my way through it. Not totally unscathed but I am here and better than I could have been. And importantly potentially better than if it was left and I had not choice. Not premsuning to suggest our situations are the same or what is right for you but merely commiserating and saying if treatment is at all a possibility it is the better alternative.

 

[Red Rufus]

Hi Red Reful and welcome.
It might help to especially tear apart the dentist experience and separate it from the rest of life. It certainly isn't unusual to find these procedures hard with ptsd. The one thing that has helped me is the alternative. If it truly is something nasty of that sort then treatment for something already set in there
is going to be harder than earlier treatment. Pain and related stuff is going to triggering regardless if left. Therefore of the lessor evils doing something now is preferable. It has shorter nastiness period and will limit the nastiness end point.

Although I understand PTSD logic rather than real logic, most people want to help. Especially in the "helping" professions.

Thank you that is helpful you hit the nail on the head with ‘PTSD logic and real logic.’ Until you said that I hadn’t realised there are actually two logics. I’ve been in therapy for 10 months and she has just gone along with my ‘PTSD logic’ backing me up on making weird decisions and perceptions which you’ve just made me realise isn’t helpful and has actually helped to reinforce distorted terrified thinking. PTSD makes everything seem so heightened and super real and mega traumatic. Thank you I will now try to observe myself when I am using PTSD logic and try to use my pre PTSD more balanced logic

 

[whiteraven]

Where I'm from sedation is the standard protocol for a colonoscopy, most people sleep right through it. .

Same for me. I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy about 4 years ago and was given IV sedation. Don't remember a thing about it.

 

[Red Rufus]

Hi @Red Rufus
I share your terror at the possibility of being out of control but I have to say that I agree with @Friday. I think that your best bet is to start with a conversations with a GP and tell them what your BIG OMG Triggers with a capital T are and how you think they can best help you deal with those.

I happen to have serious capital T problems with gyns, internists (think colonoscopy) and dentists. Not the people themselves. They seem lovely, for the most part, but the procedures happening. One thing that I found helped was to bring someone with me to act as an advocate to slow things down and notice when I had dissociated or was going into a serious panic attack. I've moved away from that person sadly but she made things so much easier day of - both to have the conversation and literally STOPPED them because she could tell I wasn't 'whimpering' but rather 'not there'.
I've recently had an EYE EXAM where the Dr pushed my head back to put eye drops in and (to dilate my eyes) without even so much as a how-do-you-do and I up and left. Blurry eyed and bumping into everything. And we won't even talk about the debacle of a tooth extraction. It seemed I scared the entire office staff. Yeah, capital T.

All that to say, I hear you. There are ways to deal with this but you are going to have to be the one to start the process and advocate for yourself, tell them how to help you and if possible have someone to advocate for you the day of.

Thank you I am glad to hear it’s not just me who can’t bear medical procedures. I haven’t been able to even go for an eye test because I feared they would put poison in my eyes and ruin them so they can sell me glasses I didn’t need ?. I would have been utterly utterly freaked out by what you just described with your optician. I will go back to GP surgery and see if I can get what I need to attend the hospital. I did tell the hospital that they would have difficulty even getting near me but unfortunately she didn’t take it on board and the next thing I knew was I received a scary letter with an appointment for a colonoscopy with no mention of support for my PTSD or sedation etc. Maybe a face to face with a GP will be a better way to get what I need.

Where I'm from sedation is the standard protocol for a colonoscopy, most people sleep right through it. The thing to remember about hospital care staff and procedures like this is that they are busy and it's a routine quick procedure for most people. It's also a procedure that causes alot of people alot of anxiety just because of what it is. They are used to ushering nervous people through many times a day every day without incident.
It's ok that you are afraid, but as Friday said you need to be your own advocate. Make it clear to your care team that you are feeling more than just nervous. I hope it goes well for you.

I wish the hospital had told me that I could have IV sedation and sleep right through it, i’m going to make sure that’s what I have or go to a hospital where it’s available. I don’t want to be able to remember anything about it. I did have to have one many years ago and I was wide awake, it was painful and I cried and begged them to stop all the way through a nurse sort of laid over me to hold me down ?

 

[Neverthesame]

I don't blame you, my colonoscopy wasn't fun either. If you need a facility that does sedation, that's totally reasonable.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can't say my input will be helpful, and I wish I knew the answer, but I think this is true:

you are going to have to be the one to start the process and advocate for yourself, tell them how to help you and if possible have someone to advocate for you the day of.

I think having a doctor you can talk to too is a start. And maybe write it down if (like me) your mind goes blank. It's hard to advocate for yourself when no words come out. :(

Does anyone else have the same issues about undergoing medical procedures? I can’t bear the thought of even stepping into a hospital, the lights the smells, the uniforms, the feeling of losing control over what is done to my body, everything about it is terrifying. I feel like I would need to be drugged out of my mind just to be able to walk through the door let alone be physically touched by someone and trust them

^^ I do, but not for the reasons you've mentioned, but yes, you are not alone in that. I don't mistrust the people, per say, but I just cannot form words (in the moment) to express intolerable pain, and I find what comes out is, ~'everything's great' , even when it's the opposite (minimizing- I think to 'get out' as quickly as possible; I literally 'hear myself' lie). However, triggers are triggers, and perspective means a lot. Also, if you have Big reasons (family, etc) it's important to stay healthy- that can be a motivator. And reframing it. Plus, the benefits of feeling better again!

You are already doing that reframing, in the sense that I fear sedation- because I have no one to trust to be with me when/ if I 'say' something- that is not the time I want to spill my guts about secrets I've kept for decades, I am just too afraid. But as you said, just limiting the conscious part eliminates some of the fear/ difficulties.

Also, if you can self-disclose like that about the ptsd, they should work with you. And hospitals nowadays aren't quite the same; at least here they're quick for discharges, not the same smells (not the same cleaning), etc. Also, it simply isn't a re-enactment of your trauma (it just 'feels' like it will be).

The better shape you're in (now, earlier, if it worsens) the better it is to handle stuff too, than going in (maybe involuntarily) in worse shape. Especially since you must feel ill already, and that's not making managing triggers any easier. :(

Best wishes to you, I hope you feel better soon!