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Other Traumatic brain injury or "just PTSD" or a mental disorder?

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Confident
Hello,


I was beaten badly in a relationship 10 years ago. Among other things, he kicked me in my head until I lost consciousness and I have no clue how long he continued kicking me after I had passed out (and thus couldn't protect myself anymore). He also hit me in the head with a metal bar a few days later, and again I lost consciousness. Once he suddenly punched me in the temples while I was driving, and I passed out while driving. We survived the crash.... The relationship didn't last long, but parts of it was really bad, as you can tell.
I owe (most of) my PTSD to that relationship and the threats and happenings that followed the end of that relationship.

A few years later, I entered a new relationship, and I ended up crying and defending myself because he said I was being mean to him, while I really didn't mean anything mean. I would cry and cry and beg and beg and reassure him, over and over and over on a daily basis. I don't know why I didn't leave, but I think I kept questioning myself - was I doing something mean unconsciously, like he claimed? "You don't think you are mean, but you unconsciously try to hurt me". I was so confused in that relationship. I believe he was psychotic, but I was too fragile from the previous relationship to tell if it was me or not, so I just tried to be nicer and nicer until I couldn't say a thing without fear of accusations. I needed him to see my good side.

And then, not too long ago, I lived with a man for a year, and when he said similar things it really broke my confidence - He claimed I was being mean with him, when I really don't think I was. He saw mean intent in what I said all the time, even if I meant well. It really made me feel scared and paranoid of both my mind and my heart - and of him. I became terrified of making mistakes.

So, to my question.
Thinking: I was super sharp and smart and had good, happy relationships up until the fatal one, 10 years ago. After that my brain at times feels like a foggy lump of useless mass, and I am not clear like I used to be.
Moods: I also used to keep my moods stable through anything, even through fights or physical withdrawals (caffeine and nicotine) or no sleep. I had a high tolerance for stress, I guess. After that, I have struggled with mood changes from small things like a cup of coffee, or a glass of soda with aspartame, or with nervousness from not sleeping.
Triggers: If accused of being mean, I feel as if I leave my body and I just end up begging for kindness. "be kind, be kind, be kind". I was labeled "crazy" because of this begging, but I felt unsafe when accused of meaning something I didn't mean, and with the fog that came on, I couldn't even explain myself, and just ended up begging for kindness.

In periods I feel so foggy I lose words, when stressed. I just cannot find my head's sharpness anymore. I lose my vision too, at times. My head feels like a dense lump of inflamed flesh that I cannot contact with my nervous system. It is partly linked to eating the "wrong things" or not resting enough or stressors in romantic relationships. I feel unable to think and I become whiny and weak in a way I hate, just crying and begging for kindness. It isn't pretty, nor very rational. I only feel ok if I don't eat for half a day, don't talk with people and am on vacation and walk alone in the forest. Then I feel ok for a while at times, but it isn't very sustainable.

Is this brain fog and that behavior "just ptsd" as normal, or did I get a brain injury from the beating? Or is this the beginning of some mental disorder?
I feel ok when I'm not in relationships, and the relationships I had from before the initial trauma are still good. My work relationships are also good. And the romantic relationships I have had since the initial traumatic one, have been with men that people have said "are no good", so it might be them, but I still don't like how I react with this "brain paralysis". Any thoughts?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Putting on my staff hat for a moment 🤠 I’ve edited your title for you, per our community constitution.

Community Constitution
MyPTSD does not use trigger warnings. Mind reading what could be a trigger for another is a negative thinking style, a problem all PTSD sufferers need to correct at some level. Whilst some view its use as a courtesy, it is impossible to know what will, or will not, trigger another person, regardless the graphic detail contained. After all, this is a space where those affected can discuss trauma and its consequences.

Aaaaaand back to replying as a member! 😎
 
Is this brain fog and that behavior "just ptsd" as normal, or did I get a brain injury from the beating?
The symptoms of PTSD & many kinds of TBIs overlap so much that there’s really no way to tell without consulting an expert… a neurologist.

There’s very solid reason to do so, as the treatments for PTSD & TBIs are vastly different, even when it’s the exact same symptom, and the type of TBI predicts the types of treatments used.
 
The symptoms of PTSD & many kinds of TBIs overlap so much that there’s really no way to tell without consulting an expert… a neurologist.

There’s very solid reason to do so, as the treatments for PTSD & TBIs are vastly different, even when it’s the exact same symptom, and the type of TBI predicts the types of treatments used.
It's been 10 years though.... would it be weird to come NOW and ask for an assessment? I just didn't know of TBI until recently, yet ... while the symptoms of ptsd seem to be getting better, my brain fog seems to be getting worse. I am scared tbh.
 
Hello,


I was beaten badly in a relationship 10 years ago. Among other things, he kicked me in my head until I lost consciousness and I have no clue how long he continued kicking me after I had passed out (and thus couldn't protect myself anymore). He also hit me in the head with a metal bar a few days later, and again I lost consciousness. Once he suddenly punched me in the temples while I was driving, and I passed out while driving. We survived the crash.... The relationship didn't last long, but parts of it was really bad, as you can tell.
I owe (most of) my PTSD to that relationship and the threats and happenings that followed the end of that relationship.

A few years later, I entered a new relationship, and I ended up crying and defending myself because he said I was being mean to him, while I really didn't mean anything mean. I would cry and cry and beg and beg and reassure him, over and over and over on a daily basis. I don't know why I didn't leave, but I think I kept questioning myself - was I doing something mean unconsciously, like he claimed? "You don't think you are mean, but you unconsciously try to hurt me". I was so confused in that relationship. I believe he was psychotic, but I was too fragile from the previous relationship to tell if it was me or not, so I just tried to be nicer and nicer until I couldn't say a thing without fear of accusations. I needed him to see my good side.

And then, not too long ago, I lived with a man for a year, and when he said similar things it really broke my confidence - He claimed I was being mean with him, when I really don't think I was. He saw mean intent in what I said all the time, even if I meant well. It really made me feel scared and paranoid of both my mind and my heart - and of him. I became terrified of making mistakes.

So, to my question.
Thinking: I was super sharp and smart and had good, happy relationships up until the fatal one, 10 years ago. After that my brain at times feels like a foggy lump of useless mass, and I am not clear like I used to be.
Moods: I also used to keep my moods stable through anything, even through fights or physical withdrawals (caffeine and nicotine) or no sleep. I had a high tolerance for stress, I guess. After that, I have struggled with mood changes from small things like a cup of coffee, or a glass of soda with aspartame, or with nervousness from not sleeping.
Triggers: If accused of being mean, I feel as if I leave my body and I just end up begging for kindness. "be kind, be kind, be kind". I was labeled "crazy" because of this begging, but I felt unsafe when accused of meaning something I didn't mean, and with the fog that came on, I couldn't even explain myself, and just ended up begging for kindness.

In periods I feel so foggy I lose words, when stressed. I just cannot find my head's sharpness anymore. I lose my vision too, at times. My head feels like a dense lump of inflamed flesh that I cannot contact with my nervous system. It is partly linked to eating the "wrong things" or not resting enough or stressors in romantic relationships. I feel unable to think and I become whiny and weak in a way I hate, just crying and begging for kindness. It isn't pretty, nor very rational. I only feel ok if I don't eat for half a day, don't talk with people and am on vacation and walk alone in the forest. Then I feel ok for a while at times, but it isn't very sustainable.

Is this brain fog and that behavior "just ptsd" as normal, or did I get a brain injury from the beating? Or is this the beginning of some mental disorder?
I feel ok when I'm not in relationships, and the relationships I had from before the initial trauma are still good. My work relationships are also good. And the romantic relationships I have had since the initial traumatic one, have been with men that people have said "are no good", so it might be them, but I still don't like how I react with this "brain paralysis". Any thoughts?
My heart goes out to you. Having had concussions and a brain tumor removed I understand the physiological stuff. I think you should have a brain specific neurologist meet with you. It could shed light on some stuff. Just a thought.

Relationships are hard even when both parties have lessor issues so giving yourself a trip with that is unnecessary.

It sounds like you enjoy your solitude and nature . That may be your key. My dog is everything for me.

Anyway, Love to you 💖
 
I had an accidental TBI in a sporting injury, in can absolutely mimic/exacerbate symptoms of ptsd as well as making you feel absolutely like crap.

Once you’ve had even a concussion, further blows to the head in a short space of time does a lot more damage.

Mine was a long time ago and I do still have some affects from it, I’m lucky there was a lot of professional support afterwards through my sporting body, but I would really recommend you go and see a pro about it as they’ll be able to help you separate out which symptoms are which, and treat them accordingly.
 
I had an accidental TBI in a sporting injury, in can absolutely mimic/exacerbate symptoms of ptsd as well as making you feel absolutely like crap.

Once you’ve had even a concussion, further blows to the head in a short space of time does a lot more damage.

Mine was a long time ago and I do still have some affects from it, I’m lucky there was a lot of professional support afterwards through my sporting body, but I would really recommend you go and see a pro about it as they’ll be able to help you separate out which symptoms are which, and treat them accordingly.
Thank you.
I will ask, but I haven't spoken with any doctors in more than 5 years now.... cause.. I'm a woman, and women with "weird symptoms" get put on different crazy pills, you know, and I'm not in the mood to argue that I'm sane, cause I feel insane doing it....

tl;dr folloing...

I was really scared in 2017, when my symptoms got worse and as a normal person I went to the doctor to ask for help. My symptoms were:
1. at times, particularly after meals, I would get very foggy minded,
2. my vision sometimes got almost totally lost,
3. my speech got slurred,
4. I started walking as if I was drunk,
5. I'd have trouble breathing at times and
6. I would feel a lot of pressure in my head, as if my brain was swelling.
7. nausea, even vomiting at times
8. inability to think
9. fear and sadness and a feeling I can't do anything anymore
10. physical weakness, making it hard to do much other than just lie
I FELT MISERABLE. And - they ran a lot of tests and found nothing, so they told me it was probably a mental disease, since they couldn't see a reason for my symptoms.
I have since felt a need to keep away from doctors, as I feel like they'll just all try and put me on anti-psychotics, and I'm NOT psychotic and never was. I have regulated my symptoms by not eating very often and keeping away from what that triggers the symptoms, including a long list of foods, from bread to caffeine to chocolate to certain vegetables. My doctor told me I have to stop "imagining" that I have these symptoms. I am not kidding. I ended up with these labels: from
1. the guys checking my stomach: possible bipolar psychosis?
2. From the guys checking my brain: possible mental illness?
3. From the guys checking my neurology: possible migraine?
4. and from the GP: possible eating disorder, should possibly be admitted to a hospital to be forced to eat normal food as she refuses to eat normal foods due to imagining that she reacts to it. (I'm normal weight, and used to be fit until I got all these symptoms)
5. psychologist 1 : ptsd with dissociations. no other mental illnesses or disorders (6 months - once a week)
6. psychologist 2: c-ptsd. no other mental illnesses or disorders (12 months - twice a week)
7. psychologist 3: ptsd, no other mental illnesses or disorders (8 months - once a week)
8. GP: "probably still a psychosis or an eating disorder, as nobody can figure out these weird symptoms she claims to have".

I got a bunch of pills, some of them with side effects like "death" under "moderate risk". Yeah...

The only medicines I ever did take, were the migraine ones (imigran), as they sometimes seem to help a bit, not much, just a slight help, so I don't get too far down into foggy lands, It feels like. I don't have "headaches" with these migraines and they last for days. Very weird migraine, but fine, I accepted that it might be a migraine. I then left the doctor offices behind and never looked back, as I really don't think they are helping, and instead kept to my weird diet that doesn't trigger the symptoms too badly. I still get sick from too much stress or worse - when my ptsd is badly triggered. I end up just sobbing in a corner as my brain is so foggy I can hardly talk, let alone think, when it happens. I NEED HELP in those moments, not to hear I'm crazy, I am not. I know I'm not. I feel it.

And now I learned about TBI, and I wonder if that isn't a far more likely problem than "psychosis", but I am so angry with these doctors, I fear I'll go full mental on them if they call me mental again....

/End of rant. I had to get it out, sorry, it's been gnawing on me.

I should read up on TBI, to see if my symptoms could fit.
 
@lillesnille I’m female as well - rather than looking at doctors, perhaps looking towards tbi rehab centres, sports rehab centres etc might be more helpful? Different method of impact injury but these guys are absolute pros at working through them & their symptoms.

TBI’s have shitloads of different symptoms and you could get any handful of them really. I had a lot of memory loss of things I’d learnt shortly before that injury, and lost all hand/eye coordination, so unlocking a door, catching a ball etc, couldn’t concentrate for anything past a very short period of time, absolutely crazy & epic mood swings which felt very different to the ptsd - rollercoaster, just general sobbing and headaches and my brain feeling like a marshmallow etc etc.

Even though it was a long time ago, the type of impact/tbi/symptom set will have totally different recovery programmes, so it really is worth getting looked into!
 
@lillesnille I’m female as well - rather than looking at doctors, perhaps looking towards tbi rehab centres, sports rehab centres etc might be more helpful? Different method of impact injury but these guys are absolute pros at working through them & their symptoms.

TBI’s have shitloads of different symptoms and you could get any handful of them really. I had a lot of memory loss of things I’d learnt shortly before that injury, and lost all hand/eye coordination, so unlocking a door, catching a ball etc, couldn’t concentrate for anything past a very short period of time, absolutely crazy & epic mood swings which felt very different to the ptsd - rollercoaster, just general sobbing and headaches and my brain feeling like a marshmallow etc etc.

Even though it was a long time ago, the type of impact/tbi/symptom set will have totally different recovery programmes, so it really is worth getting looked into!

Thank you <3
 
4. and from the GP: possible eating disorder, should possibly be admitted to a hospital to be forced to eat normal food as she refuses to eat normal foods due to imagining that she reacts to it. (I'm normal weight, and used to be fit until I got all these symptoms)
LOL… On a side note? This is how they figured out I had cancer when I was pregnant. I was gaining apx 20 pounds a month, and my OB didn’t believe me when I swore up and down I wasn’t eating everything in sight. Yes, I had doubled my calories up to about 1500 per day, but that was still waaaaaaay less than the hospital put me on, on a “reduced” diet. 🤣 The hospital diet had immediate effect. From 20 pounds per month, to 10 pounds per WEEK. Since my weight started skyrocketing on their “reduced” diet? My doctors started looking for other causes. Voila! A reproductive cancer triggered by pregnancy hormones.

The only upside of which (aside from getting it treaated, so it didn’t kill me 😉) was that most of the weight gain was water & fast-growth-related things. I lost close to 50 pounds the day my son was born (10lb baby, 23.5 pound placenta when they’re usually 3 pounds, however much amniotic fluid, and the beginning of the “flushing out all excess fluids purge”). I lost another 50 lbs over the next few days, as my body started purging itself of all the fluids it had been retaining, peeing several times an hour. The docs tried to measure it, but the porta-john only had half a liter capacity and my bladder is about twice that. So they took to weighing me, instead.

100lbs in less than a week left me looking like a deflated balloon. but OMFG I felt soooooo much better!

^^^ The point of this little trip down memory lane? It doesn’t matter how insulting or incorrect their reasons are, like not believing you or presuming a totally different diagnosis; any time you’re offered a medical hospitalization to examine a bizarre problem? Go. For. It. Firstly, it proves your honesty (and will make your doctors far more likely to believe you in the future), but better it gives you 24/7 access to doctors/tests/labs that get about 2 years worth of outpatient appointments with specialists & testing done in a matter of days.

This sort of thing has come up a couple times in my life, and I’m a slow learner sometimes, so this is just me going “Oh! Oh! Oh! If they ever offer in the future??? Jump on it!!!” rather than any kind of “you should have” nonsense. f*ck that noise. (Unless you have a time machine. In which case? Share! I have soooooo many things I wish I’d known then, what I do now! LOL, as have we all, no doubt. But still. Do a sister a solid if you’ve got a TARDIS in your back pocket 😉 ).
 
Please please go to a doctor. I don’t want to put the fear in you but my Dad had a lot of those symptoms and…. Turned out to be a glioblastoma. Lord knows how long the tumour had been growing before diagnosis, possibly years. And he gave up going to a Dr ages before the diagnosis because he was told the symptoms seemed unrelated. He didn’t get put on random psych meds though because he’s male and therefore they didn’t do the whole “we don’t know and can’t be bothered to find out so we’ll label it as hysterical woman” routine.
 
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