Relationship Trying To Understand!

[ldr helper]

It was so weird to read your post, it was like reading my exact same story!

Thinking I had found the most amazing man ever, we were so close and talked about a future together, the only difference is we are long distance. Then one day he said he couldn't handle it, he couldn't work through the PTSD with me. He said, he has been alone for so long, he thinks he can only solve his problems by himself. And he did it all through email and text (so not like him)!

I made all the same mistakes, telling him how hurt I was, all the feelings of loss I was having. I cried for days and I told him all about it. He is my best friend and we had been telling eachother everything. I didn't realize that this was only making things worse for him. Then I found this forum too and have learned so much! He does still want to talk now and then, but he is a different person now. It is so hard not to take it personally, I think it would be easier if I knew it was completely over, no chance. He says he knows he will be sorry for hurting me like this one day, but I know he loves me, even if he can't feel it right now. I have also told him I will be there for him no matter what, that I love him and that I will wait for him. It has been a week for us too and I feel a little better, I didn't cry myself to sleep last night.

We should talk more, since it looks like we will be dealing with the same things for awhile.

 

[NikkiNikki]

Idr helper, sorry you are going through this too. Its soooo hard! I feel you on the not crying yourself to sleep..I think today is the first day I have not cried over the whole thing. I may have teared up a couple of times, but made myself stop and think about something else. I sent him a text last night just to say I hoped he was doing better and that I missed him..no reply of course. That will be the last text I send him..I've made it very clear where I stand. The ball is in his court...I know he does love me...thats the sucky part! Knowing he is throwing away something so awesome..

Anyways, feel free to yak at me anytime! I will probably be coming here a while to cry and moan.lol. I will def be here a while if we get back together (fingers crossed).

 

[ldr helper]

I have my fingers crossed for both of us! I texted with him for awhile today. He is currently in Iraq working as a contractor. He is coming home for good in July (I hope). He is different now though, the fun loving, crazy, sweet man seems gone. The conversation seems a little foced at times, but he contacted me so of course I responded. I miss him, so much more than just his physical presence. I told him that the worst part of all this is knowing he loves me in there somewhere, that it's not like it just wasn't working and we were fighting so we broke up. We worked so well! Even with the distance. I am going to keep waiting for him. I only cried a little last night when he took "in a relationship" off his facebook staus (just saying that now makes me feel like I am 13 all over again).

I hope you are doing well today, the weekends are the hardest time for me, too much time to think!

 

[NikkiNikki]

well him talking to you maybe a good sign? I know what you mean about feeling 13! My ex-BF has not deleted me or any of my family off his friends list and I know I will probably lose it when he does. lol, that sounds so jr. high! He has not even updated facebook in over 2 weeks..last time he did it was a love song lyric for me...about me....sigh.

Anyways I am actually doing better, I went and got 2 new tattoos today and that really kept my mind off of him for the most part. Of course on the way home I got to thinking about him because we were supposed get tattoos together. Then I did have a quick little cry! The weekends are hard so I have been trying to keep busy and spend lots of time with friends. I work during the week and do zumba 3 nights a week so that helps too. You know whats gonna suck though??? Monday..Valentines Day!! :( ugh, dreading it!

 

[Nicolette]

You know whats gonna suck though??? Monday..Valentines Day!! :( ugh, dreading it!

You can turn Valentine's Day into a day of showing yourself love and respect and being nice to you NikkiNikki. To be loved you need to be able to love yourself so use this day to work on that - you have every right and power to still make the day about you. If you love flowers - treat yourself and buy a bunch, take yourself out for lunch/dinner, soak in bath, burn candles etc.....whatever you want.

It is nice to be loved and have someone share love with you but if you stop loving yourself you lose it all anyway!

Turn a negative into a positive. Hell, even send yourself some flowers to work if you need to. ;)

 

[marley24]

wow, this all sounds very familiar... I've been dating someone on and off for almost a year now with this and I'm at my end. I don't know what to do any more. So much has happened and I've tried so hard to hold on for him for as long as I could, but I just don't know or understand what I'm supposed to do. He did 8 years and has only been out a year and the other night he finally admitted to me that he has PTSD and he broke down to me... He told me about how hard it was. I just looked at him and cried because I didn't know what to do, or say because I don't know what he's going through. It's been by far the longest rollercoaster and hardest one I've been on, but he looked at me and told me if I hang in there, it'll be a rollercoaster, but it'll be worth it... and then a few days later he just disappears...he left before I got done work and told me he was going to hang out with a friend..i've tried calling and texting and I only got one text that said "I'm okay, I just need to get back to reality and I need a break. I'm not cheating on you or playing games with you I just need someone who relates to me sometimes"...and I haven't seen or heard from him since...I don't know what to do? Part of me has already started packing....please help!

 

[NikkiNikki]

You can turn Valentine's Day into a day of showing yourself love and respect and being nice to you NikkiNikki. To be loved you need to be able to love yourself so use this day to work on that - you have every right and power to still make the day about you. If you love flowers - treat yourself and buy a bunch, take yourself out for lunch/dinner, soak in bath, burn candles etc.....whatever you want.

It is nice to be loved and have someone share love with you but if you stop loving yourself you lose it all anyway!

Turn a negative into a positive. Hell, even send yourself some flowers to work if you need to. ;)

I def plan on doing something! :) Actually I have done a lot of taking care of me since he left..gotten my hair done, pedicure, tattoos, etc. Gonna go somewhere with the kids for Valentines. Would be nice to hear from him tomorrow but not going to hold my breath..

 

[NikkiNikki]

wow, this all sounds very familiar... I've been dating someone on and off for almost a year now with this and I'm at my end. I don't know what to do any more. So much has happened and I've tried so hard to hold on for him for as long as I could, but I just don't know or understand what I'm supposed to do. He did 8 years and has only been out a year and the other night he finally admitted to me that he has PTSD and he broke down to me... He told me about how hard it was. I just looked at him and cried because I didn't know what to do, or say because I don't know what he's going through. It's been by far the longest rollercoaster and hardest one I've been on, but he looked at me and told me if I hang in there, it'll be a rollercoaster, but it'll be worth it... and then a few days later he just disappears...he left before I got done work and told me he was going to hang out with a friend..i've tried calling and texting and I only got one text that said "I'm okay, I just need to get back to reality and I need a break. I'm not cheating on you or playing games with you I just need someone who relates to me sometimes"...and I haven't seen or heard from him since...I don't know what to do? Part of me has already started packing....please help!

All I know is what I have learned here..I came here like a lot of other women looking for answers and help with what to do with their PTSD suffering loved one. All I can say is do what is said here..give him his space & time. I know its hard and it sucks!!! Read as much as you can here. It has really helped me a lot.

 

[CestMoi]

Truer words have never been spoken! That is exactly what I needed to hear and remember. Its been one week since he broke up with me. Its gotten easier. I am still sad and wishing he would call, but I am not quite the mess I was when this all first started. I love him to death and would do anything to be with him, but I have to take care of me now.

I did everything I knew to let him know I loved him, wanted to be with him, and was here for him. The rest is up to him. I am going to move on with my life & just hope he finds peace & gets help dealing with his PTSD. If it was meant to be he will come back..and if he doesn't well then that is his loss. I feel I am losing out on the love of my life, but its out of my hands now. Gotta put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Sorry I'm late in replying! I'm glad the words helped. I have been re-reading them myself and couldn't wait to sign in this morning. I'm on the down slope right now - haven't heard from him since Thursday. I agree with you and ldr - it really is hard to give them space and time but thank goodness for the support on this forum. :)

 

[NikkiNikki]

Sorry I'm late in replying! I'm glad the words helped. I have been re-reading them myself and couldn't wait to sign in this morning. I'm on the down slope right now - haven't heard from him since Thursday. I agree with you and ldr - it really is hard to give them space and time but thank goodness for the support on this forum. :)

Those words helped me more than you know! Leaving everything to fate is all I can do now. This place has been a blessing! I would have probably gone psycho woman on him if I had not found this place. LOL.

((hugs)) Sorry you are on the down slope right now too....ptsd really sucks. So many wonderful people suffering...

 

[ldr helper]

Let me just start with I have no idea what I would do with out this place! I want to scream right now, but I know I have no right to, it's not his fault. He did text today and said happy Valentine's Day and that he was sorry for being such a douche and not getting me anything! AHHHHHHH! If you know you are being a douche then do something to change it!!!!!!! He is 7000 miles away and I sent him a whole box of goodies and loving things a week ago before all this really went down hill. I didn't expcet anything from him, but I would have loved to be surprised!!!! He didn't even ask to see me for even 1 minute!!!!! OK I'm a little better. I am so glad I can vent here instead of going off on him like I want to! Thanks for listening! I am heading out on a "date" with my daughter!

 

[NikkiNikki]

Let me just start with I have no idea what I would do with out this place! I want to scream right now, but I know I have no right to, it's not his fault. He did text today and said happy Valentine's Day and that he was sorry for being such a douche and not getting me anything! AHHHHHHH! If you know you are being a douche then do something to change it!!!!!!! He is 7000 miles away and I sent him a whole box of goodies and loving things a week ago before all this really went down hill. I didn't expcet anything from him, but I would have loved to be surprised!!!! He didn't even ask to see me for even 1 minute!!!!! OK I'm a little better. I am so glad I can vent here instead of going off on him like I want to! Thanks for listening! I am heading out on a "date" with my daughter!

I know! I think I have said before I would have already gone psycho woman on him had I not found this place! LOL. I took my kids out on a "date" for V-day too. I let them pick out crazy expensive books at Books-A-Million, then we had way too much ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. :)

Today makes 2 weeks since I have had any contact with him. Its been 1 week since I have tried to contact him with no reply. It has taken a lot of self control to not show up at his house and confront him & make him talk to me. I just do not want to do that..plus its probably not a good idea anyways. Seeing him face to face & having him reject me in person may just be too much for me to handle. I might back into his truck leaving his house! haha. Just kidding! Though the thought of hurting him as much as he has hurt me has crossed my mind several times. But knowing what I know from things I have read here, he is hurting just as much as I am. Which sucks. He is such a happy, fun person to be around. No one has ever made me laugh the way he used to make me laugh. sigh..But anyways looking like he may not come back around...it sucks but I'm beautiful, independent, and I have a lot to offer someone. If he is too sick too realize this & do something about it then its his loss. The song lyric "I cant help you fix yourself, but at least I can say I tried. I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life" come to mind. I did try...tried hard.