Poll PTSD and Marriage - How Many Times Have You Been Married?

[Orsino]

I haven't been married yet but I recently proposed to my fiance, we're hoping to get married within the next few years

 

[Incendiu]

Im 24, I have not...and I guess I will not for a long long time. I live with the one I want to connect this with. But there is no hurry I just wait to se what future want for him and me.

 

[Anna1954]

I need to hear from someone with ptsd or an expert on why someone would do this to themselves.​

The guy that I had a brief relationship with had been married 4 times. We were together for about a week and he tells me he is afraid because of his past relationships and afraid he would screw this one up to

I did ask him why so many times and his answer was, he was looking for love. I mean isn't this kind of ignorant????

Would Ptsd cause someone to make the same mistake over and over?????​

 

[Anna]

Once. I am working really hard on my relationship. Sometimes it is hard. I already had my problems before I got married so my partner did not know the "me" beforehand so maybe that makes a difference?

 

[Jen93]

For me, I'm still 18, and I've never had a boyfriend or been kissed. I have guy friends who I can joke around with sometimes, but I'm still in the maturity level of my trauma. (12 years-14 years old) and I just get grossed out by all that yucky stuff.

My therapist has given me permission to not have men in my life. Which is ok with me. Besides, if I get the urge for a man in my life I'll just get another cat.

That's funny. :D

I'm always terrified that I'll be alone and old and like a hermit. I'm just too unlovable for anybody to care about me. Or I'd be paranoid and think they take advantage of me- like those horror stories you hear about people going on trips and "falling in love" and then having to send money to their boyfriend or whatever to "get them over here" but they probably have another family and it's just sad.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jen,

My daughter is 19 and she has made the decision to work on herself and her own healing, before she even thinks about anything that is a "relationship". She focuses on making friends and hanging out and doing fun things, but no romantic involvement at this point in her life.

Take time to heal, discover who you are and what you want in life. Really, you will discover and so will the right person the beautiful and loveable person you are meant to be!

Deb

 

[BigBear]

The guy that I had a brief relationship with had been married 4 times....his answer was, he was looking for love. I mean isn't this kind of ignorant????

Would Ptsd cause someone to make the same mistake over and over?????

This is a commonly repeated theme. People with PTSD, often even gravitate toward a person like their abuser.

Think of it like the un-seeable color problem. (Supposing there is a color that I can see and you can't... I can't even describe it to you, because you have no frame of reference...) So, in the PTSD case, the sufferer has things that are so horrible to them that their mind has to instantly hide them from them. They have a blind spot. They can't see this particular color of evil. (Please note, Evil is used arbitrary here...)

Bear

 

[Anna1954]

So bigbear what you are trying to say is he must of seen the same color in me but when he got to know me a little since it lasted 4 days. He figured I was nothing like his ex's? So then he told me how great I was and he couldn't find anything wrong with me and he didn't want to screw this up, he pushed me away.

Please reply

 

[BigBear]

So bigbear what you are trying to say is he must of seen the same color in me

Which would mean that my wife saws the same color in me. Her abusers were the most vicious despicable semi humanoids, I hope to never see again in my life. That would make PTSD a fatal disease and one that you'd better suicide before submitting to.

NO.

First, sometimes God takes a hand and says enough. He brings someone special into our lives that is totally unaccountable. Second, PTSD is not incurable. True you will never be what you were before it, but that doesn't mean that you have to be less because of it.

The human mind is a learning machine! Even under the worst conditions, we will learn.

So, did you necessarily exhibit the same color. No! Perhaps you exhibited something so much greater that he couldn't ignore it. Sorry, I know I over reacted to that first part, but I wanted to make that distinction.

So then he told me how great I was and he couldn't find anything wrong with me and he didn't want to screw this up, he pushed me away.

PTSD almost universally makes the sufferer believe that they cause their own problems. So to him it must be obvious that if you were good, then he was polluting you... Sometimes you can help by holding on all the tighter. Other times, they aren't ready to accept the good things in their lives. Then, letting go is appropriate. I can't however tell you which is true for you...

HTH,

Bear

 

[Anna1954]

Thank you Bear for your words. I do and know I am a good person. I guess you summed it up. I told this guy the same thing I guess you were trying to convey to me. I told him that it looks like he continues to pick the same characteristics in that person as the last one. So the cycle continues with the same devastating consequences. He just said no they were all different. I am sure they were all different people, but with the same personalities.

Who the heck knows some people are gluttons for punishment.