Goal of The Day-Challenging Your PTSD

[ms spock]

It is not blowing it safenow it is just doing as much as you can each day and building on your small successes!

 

[ms spock]

Well today was one tough cookie of a day. I travelled an hour there.

There were over 100 people at the afternoon tea. So it was pretty big. I did well. I did okay. At times I struggled within myself a bit.

There was someone there that I hadn't see for a year, Carol, and that was hard because I was close to her before her husband died two or three years ago. Due to me not handling a situation with a mutual friend of ours I wasn't invited to her birthday party last year or the year before? Anyway sometime ago.

I did help out a bit at the afternoon tea, boiling water, putting cream on scones and topping up the milk, so I helped out a bit.

So that was hard. I did dissociate a bit. I had trouble making eye contact at times. She is an abrupt and distant women so it is hard to read her.

I did manage well despite this. I spent most of the time with Carol and two other mutal friends. It was difficult. I did try hard. I think I went okay. It was always going to be awkward after not seeing each other for so long. Anyway I left after an hour and 3/4 and that was quite enough. Carol left at the same time as me.

I did chat with a few people outside my friendship circle so that was good.

It was slightly trying. A few times it was downright hard. But I got through.

I did decide I had had enough and left - and the other people of my friendship network left as well. I travelled a hour back.

 

[safenow]

Today my goal is to be in the body 100%. It's hard because I'm ill today. I think it might be the inversion doing my lungs and throat in.

The hard part is, I no longer keep oxygen in my home, and I don't want to have to call my doctor and order a tank. I'm trying to cut back on expenses so I can do some pleasurable things for a change. Like maybe get out and go to the park. For me, that costs money. I have to hire transportation up and back. Oxygen costs money, plus it raises my electric bill if I use a concentrator. Then, there is the issue of taking it with me when I leave the house. My power chair has a place to hold a tank, but it's awkward, and the chair is not a good one, so it's balance is questionable at best. Plus, with all the snow on the ground, I'd rather use my manual chair so I can get up and walk. I can't take the power chair into the snow or be in rain conditions. All that stress wears me out. sigh

This is why I hate being 100% in the body. Too much stress in day to day living. And I've only been back full since 3:00am and it's only 5:56am now. Oh great. 5:55am is a trigger time for me. Sigh. Back to my journal.

 

[ms spock]

Today I want to keep this insight close to my heart. I want to challenge the thinking of my PTSD today. I want to challenge my PTSD mindset. I want to walk around today with this mindful awareness.

I notice is that stepping outside my comfort zone or going further and stepping outside of my helplessness zone has a flow on effect which gives me more options and more choices. Other things resolve because of those steps, I didn't expect that.

The challenge that I did on Friday to step outside my helpeless zone meant that I was able to go out both days on Saturday and Sunday and be with two diverse social groups. I had some feelings that were difficult during this but the fact was I managed well. I was just part of the crowd, like any other normal person. (Except I spotted the three Southern Boobook Owls - heheehee) I was just part of the group. No less and no more than any other person. I felt a sense of achievement and a sense of accomplishment which was rather nice. I could get used to that. Of course to get used to that I will need to practice regularly. I am prepared to do that.

Even different and new thinking comes to me because of doing something that dissolves or disputes that PTSD thinking and PTSD ways of being. It is a powerful experience for me.

 

[ms spock]

Well today I decided to go somewhere I have wanted to go for years but haven't never gone to. It is 30 minutes away from my house so I got directions and after a hours procrastination off I went. The directions were wrong and that added another hour and a bit to the journey. My stomach hurt a bit and I felt a bit stressed. I stopped and ate some ice cream. In the end I got there. I did about an hours walking and then I came home. It was a big adventure for me. It was quite the challenge to my PTSD helplessness. I feel a bit frazzled now but I need to go and do my Dip in the Ocean. So off I go. So I did it. This is good.

 

[GreenFrog2]

(((Ms Spock)))I am so proud of you for doing so much and doing it well.

But I must say I am now eager to go through this process with other things.

I think that this was a part of my downfall - Quiting smoking was going well, but then contacting my family rashly the next day was far to much for me to deal with. (All this on top of my PTSD, work and financial problems).

So, keep up the good work, but also be a little careful as without you being aware of it something can cause the stress bucket to go into overflow. I hope not for you, as I would not wish this on anyone here!

Enjoy your new well being and take the best of care with yourself.

 

[ms spock]

Thanks GreenFrog2.

I have been careful not to over do it. This is all taking a lot of discipline.

I feel for what you are going through. I am being careful of the overwhelm. Thanks for checking in on me.

 

[Changing4Best]

One of my biggest challenges in being PTSD is that I have been seriously physically ill since 1985. The danger of being reinfected with Lyme Disease does effect my life in many ways. I feel safer inside the house, where the ticks, that carry the disease, usually cannot be found. I say usually because my dog could pick one up, but we don't stay outside for long, so that likelihood is not great.

I want to get to the post office today, but it is cold out and I have a sinus thing on top of my usual illness. Sometimes a friend comes by and asks me if I need to go anywhere. I'd planned on asking her if she would take my keys and go check my post office box for me. If she comes by, I shall try to go with her instead of staying in fear in the house. I really don't feel like going out, so this will be a challange, though for most folks it is probably not a big deal at all.

 

[Britt.f7]

though for most folks it is probably not a big deal at all.

Sheila, I understand this challenge. For three months I didn't leave my house for anything but my therapy appointments. I wouldn't even go to get my blood tests or make a much needed appointment with my doctor. I'm better now, leaving the house from time to time, but usually with my spouse. Makes it a bit easier.

What you are doing is a big step. I pray for the strength for you to do this.

 

[safenow]

I am going to work on my living room again, and I am going to try and see if I can walk outside. I hope the inversion is not as bad today as yesterday.

 

[Changing4Best]

Sheila, I pray for the strength for you to do this.

I suppose I better go get dressed, in case my friend (who usually gets up around this time) comes to see how I am doing. She often comes by on Mondays. Today is this holiday here, so I don't think the Post Office will be open, just the area where my postbox is. That is all I really need, unless a package has arrived. Then I need to go to the window there to pick it up. I am not expecting any packages though, so... thanks for the prayers!

 

[The Albatross]

Going to my mothers. Which is dicey at best. I am brining her some home made chicken soup. Then a pit stop and over to my friend's mothers. I have progressive muscle relaxation yet to do, but had a visit by phone with a friend, ran some errands and had a nutritous meal. I also did my photo challenge.