I am so glad that I am here. I have been with my partner for 10 years and after reading some of the stories here, I think I am beginning to understand what is happening to my relationship.
The last few years haven't been perfect, but overall, for the duration she's been predictable in her behavior toward me. Sweet. Loving. Our sex life was very satisfying and frequent. Always holding my hand and otherwise wanting physical contact.
Then, this past Christmas, she disclosed that she was date-raped while in college 20 years prior. I was the first person she ever told about the assault. I had no idea that anything like this had ever happened. I knew about the guy but she presented him as an ex, nothing more, nothing less. Never in a million years did I ever suspect that he had raped her. She told me that she cannot stop thinking about what happened to her. Ever since then she has slowly....disappeared. She has withdrawn more and more. She can no longer even look me in the eye, let alone touch me. Our sex life has disappeared. About six weeks ago she tearfully grabbed me, held me close and told me how much she loved me. In retrospect it is almost as though she felt herself beginning to disappear and wanted to connect with me in the intense, passionate way that has been our hallmark as a couple, up until now.
At this point she can barely look me in the eye and talk about the weather. When we are together she wants complete silence. She describes herself as being empty and dead inside. She tells me that she has nothing to give me. She says she loves me as much as she ever has but that she cannot express it. She cannot stand to be touched. She said that it is as if she was just attacked yesterday. She recently began therapy but it is not trauma based. It seems that it is CBT based based on what she has shared with me. She believes that she has PTSD/RTS (rape trauma syndrome) and her behavior would certainly suggest that she is right. She does have an appointment to begin seeing a counselor at a rape trauma center in addition to her other therapy. This is set for next week. At present she is not medicated.
I am glad to see that I am not alone in this terrible situation. I have been doing a great deal of grieving for the relationship that we had. I am hoping that she can be healed and that we can move forward together as a couple. For that to happen I am going to have to be very understanding and self-sufficient, as she is not going to be able to give me even a tenth of the warmth, love and support I grew to depend on over the last ten years. I love her very much and I want very much for us to stay together.
Any responses are welcome and wanted.
Thanks for being here, and for listening.
The last few years haven't been perfect, but overall, for the duration she's been predictable in her behavior toward me. Sweet. Loving. Our sex life was very satisfying and frequent. Always holding my hand and otherwise wanting physical contact.
Then, this past Christmas, she disclosed that she was date-raped while in college 20 years prior. I was the first person she ever told about the assault. I had no idea that anything like this had ever happened. I knew about the guy but she presented him as an ex, nothing more, nothing less. Never in a million years did I ever suspect that he had raped her. She told me that she cannot stop thinking about what happened to her. Ever since then she has slowly....disappeared. She has withdrawn more and more. She can no longer even look me in the eye, let alone touch me. Our sex life has disappeared. About six weeks ago she tearfully grabbed me, held me close and told me how much she loved me. In retrospect it is almost as though she felt herself beginning to disappear and wanted to connect with me in the intense, passionate way that has been our hallmark as a couple, up until now.
At this point she can barely look me in the eye and talk about the weather. When we are together she wants complete silence. She describes herself as being empty and dead inside. She tells me that she has nothing to give me. She says she loves me as much as she ever has but that she cannot express it. She cannot stand to be touched. She said that it is as if she was just attacked yesterday. She recently began therapy but it is not trauma based. It seems that it is CBT based based on what she has shared with me. She believes that she has PTSD/RTS (rape trauma syndrome) and her behavior would certainly suggest that she is right. She does have an appointment to begin seeing a counselor at a rape trauma center in addition to her other therapy. This is set for next week. At present she is not medicated.
I am glad to see that I am not alone in this terrible situation. I have been doing a great deal of grieving for the relationship that we had. I am hoping that she can be healed and that we can move forward together as a couple. For that to happen I am going to have to be very understanding and self-sufficient, as she is not going to be able to give me even a tenth of the warmth, love and support I grew to depend on over the last ten years. I love her very much and I want very much for us to stay together.
Any responses are welcome and wanted.
Thanks for being here, and for listening.
