Other Anhedonia?

[Ecl84]

I'm a supporter, not sure if it's ok for me to post here. If not, I apologize.

My sufferer has anhedonia, and while he's tried to explain it to me I'm not 100% I understand.

He used the example of when we're intimate. I feel butterflies etc, and he doesn't. He said he knows he enjoys what's going on, and it's a good feeling but that's where it stops. He's also said that finishing is a release, but feels nothing like it used to and that he doesn't get any type of euphoric feeling from it as most people do. Another thing he said was that he used to love driving his bike, going skidooing, but now he doesn't really get much joy from it.

While I understand the basis of this, I'm not sure how it affects a relationship. Can a person with anhedonia develop feelings of love for someone? I think my issue here is that those butterflies etc are what lead me to feelings of love.

 

[Justmehere]

Anhedonia is a symptom in a handful of mental health conditions, most commonly depression. It's a loss of an ability to feel joy or pleasure when doing normally enjoyable things. Its especially common with severe depression. It can also be a side effect of psych medications. I assume he has PTSD? Is he in treatment for any of this?

Love is a complex thing. Long term love is a lot more than just butterflies. He may very well have that ability to develop loving feelings again, or maybe not. His treating provider would be the best person to provide a prognosis.

 

[sun seeker]

As I'm trying to think of a way to explain this, I realize how easy it is to get used to the way we feel and not even think about it. How adaptable we humans are. Animals would never stand for the things some of us humans get used to!

I've lived with chronic depression for most of my life as part of my reaction to complex trauma. Over the past 10 years or so, due to life circumstances, there has been a marked change even from my previous level of being able to feel normal emotions. It's sort of like most emotions don't go nearly as deep as they used to. If you think of the physical sensation you connect with love, and divide it into ten levels, maybe your husband is only feeling the outer level whereas you feel it all the way to the tenth. It's interesting how he says he knows he enjoys it, but that's as far as it goes. "Knowing that" you enjoy something is a good way of putting it. The emotion becomes almost an intellectual rather than a physically felt sense. For me, I get just enough of an emotion - like the barest touch of the butterfly's wing - so I know that if I were capable of feeling good, I would be, but the actual feeling doesn't go any further.

It sounds like you are worried about whether this means he doesn't love you as much as he used to. I wouldn't say that follows, necessarily. As @Justmehere points out, love is a lot more than butterflies. The fact that he doesn't have the physical sensation you associate with love doesn't mean the rest of it isn't as strong as always. There is so much more to love. Appreciation, respect, commitment, really seeing the other person, putting their needs first, and so much more. My ability to love others is as strong as it ever was, and I would guess your husband's is, too.

 

[Ecl84]

I assume he has PTSD? Is he in treatment for any of this?

Yes, he has PTSD. He is in counselling and on medication.

It sounds like you are worried about whether this means he doesn't love you as much as he used to.

Sorry, I should have said in my original post that this is a fairly new relationship. I suppose I'm worried about things actually developing into something serious. Right now we're taking it slow, as that's what he needs.