General I am Making His Life a Living Hell!!

[Jaynea]

Another wife's view..

Hi Andrea42...... I read all those posts from you and I could have written them myself. I've been on Zoloft for almost a year. It does help me alot. It helps me to be able to ride the roller coaster my husband is on since 9/11. This month has been the worst. There is no escaping the images. To make matters worse al the medical news that is coming out is awful. After the attack I took my husband to the emergency room and he kept telling the doctors "there's glass in my lungs" but they kept saying it was impossible...and I believed THEM not him. Now it turns out he was right..there is glass in his lungs...He wakes at night with nightmares where he sees "all the people I breathed in that day" walking across the sky. I'm not a professional...no one we have seen seems to be able to understand. I've come here hoping to talk to other spouses who feel helpless, angry and frustrated...Thanks

 

[Andrea42]

Jaynea,
Im so sorry for what your husband is going through and you as well... I could not even stand to watch TV on 9/11 its horrible :( But i am glad you are there for your husband....and continue to talk to us on here...we are all here for you. How are you two doing now? Is everything ok? I am sorry i did not see your post sooner...i was so involved with all the new posts that i lost track of the new threads i started!! :) write back!

 

[harleychk4]

Wow

Hey Andrea (and all of the responders too),

Reading this meant the world to me today. I've felt the exact things myself. I've been dealing with this PTSD stuff for the past couple of years, and I'm a very caring and nurturing person, but when pushed, I can snap as well. So, basically it feels that no matter how I respond to it, it's just wrong. Now, I understand so much more. I'm not good at walking away, but understanding why I need to do it, I will definitely try harder to recognize when I need to do that, allow him his space, and hopefully find a more peaceful coexistence.

One thing that's maybe different in our relationship is that we only met after he was in Iraq, after he experienced it all, so it's a little sad, but I can't compare him to his "pre-PTSD" self because I didn't know him then. What I can say is that if wasn't totally in love with the man he is when he isn't suffering, there's no way I could stand beside him when he does suffer. Sometimes it just tests me so.

I have asked my boyfriend so many times for help from the army for spouses trying to deal with this, but he's just not ready to deal with it, and it's not really clear to me if there's anything out there. Since I didn't really know him while he was IN the army, I don't even have other wives from his group or anything like many spouses do. There's just noone that understands. This applies to me as much as it does to him. Very few people have experienced what it's like to be with a PTSD sufferer. Yesterday I got a call at work that he was at the hospital and had attempted suicide. How do you explain this to your coworkers? I guess I just live a bit in fear myself that this time he'll actually be successful, you know.

Anyhow, this website is awesome. Hugs to whoever set it up and keeps it running. I think our relationship might survive this now. I've been on the edge of running away for awhile now, but maybe with some of the coping and understanding skills that I have learned and will continue to learn from this site, I can be strong enough.

I'm sorry if I sort of rambled, but after the hospital last night, I'm sort of a ball of emotion. I'm sure you all understand.

It helps to know there are others out there, and the views from both sides of the situation are quite helpful.

Best wishes to you all, and thanks for being here.

Hugs,
Linda

 

[Deleted member 3]

I have asked my boyfriend so many times for help from the army for spouses trying to deal with this, but he's just not ready to deal with it, and it's not really clear to me if there's anything out there. Since I didn't really know him while he was IN the army, I don't even have other wives from his group or anything like many spouses do. There's just noone that understands. This applies to me as much as it does to him. Very few people have experienced what it's like to be with a PTSD sufferer. Yesterday I got a call at work that he was at the hospital and had attempted suicide. How do you explain this to your coworkers? I guess I just live a bit in fear myself that this time he'll actually be successful, you know.
Linda

Linda,

Two skills that you will need to learn rapidly to make your life easier. I'm talking from experience here and I did it the hard way, save yourself the bother. Learn how to walk away from an argument, you will not win with them, they have this emotional ice skill that you cannot compete with. You will end up more hurt and distressed and it will take your partner ages to unwind from this. You need to learn to take care of you, you cannot make him better and you cannot force him into treatment. He has to own his own problems and actively seek help for them.

As for the suicide issue. It really bites you on the ass doesn't it? You are off to work but you can never really relax never knowing if the next phone call is one telling you that your partner has taken their own life. Used to scare the hell out of me, I would make surprise visits home, call and email and try and make it not too obvious that I was checking on him. Thankfully, I didn't know then what I know now, in that the medication Anthony was taking was having the side effect of increasing tendency towards suicidal thoughts. Instinctively, I guess I must haveknown but its not so much of an issue for me now. Don't get me wrong, the concern is still there but just not as prevalent as it used to be. Its only something I could begin to relax about after Anthony was actively seeking treatment. AND you are right, how do you tell others at work?

 

[harleychk4]

Thank yoU!

Wow! Thanks Kerrie-Ann,

I can't believe I finally found someone to talk to. I know that I'll never understand the things that he goes through, but I'm so thankful to finally find someone who understand how those things affect me. I have done the same thing so many times, calling home just to check. I think it aggravates him even more. I just can't figure out what to do, but I can't tell you how much it means to have someone to finally talk to about it.

I was in tears reading this because I feel so much relief. I've tried to talk to some of my friends about it, but they don't understand me any more than I understand him sometimes. Many people ask why I "put up with it", but that's just not it. He's a good man. Most times, we have fun and are happy. I don't run away from something just because it isn't easy. In fact, whether he knows it or not, he probably needs someone more than most people do, you know. I just want to be the good strong partner that he needs so badly. Your advice is worth so much to me!

Thank you so much!

Linda

 

[Deleted member 3]

Linda,

My husband has a term for women like you and I .........bloody stubborn. I'm not one for choosing the easy road either!

 

[Andrea42]

LoL isnt that just horrible! i am tired of being stubborn!! Hi All. Linda it is nice to meet you, welcome.

I am not having the best day...(geeez when well i have a decent day?!) After doing so much research and trying to educate myself on PTSD i have been told that i do all this reseach and then i still dont understand anything! made me feel like sh*t when he told me that . Im tired of feeling that way. i freakin try. Everyone here with PTSD has said it before that we (who dont have it) will never completely understand but hell i am trying... the least i am trying to do is understand the meaning of PTSD to know how to handle situations. it seems it doesnt even mean much anymore. I am angry. I cry myself to sleep most every night because i cant do sh*t for him anymore....
sorry just venting