Recent content by GreySouled

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    Am I being overly sensitive, or should I bring this up?

    Thank you, everyone, for your responses. Very helpful. I'm short on words, still feeling raw, but you've helped immensely.
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    Am I being overly sensitive, or should I bring this up?

    Had my appt yesterday. Was already feeling nervous and nauseous as per usual, especially when I feel like things are going to go deep. I've recently started dissociating again (apparently I did this as a kid but forgot about it) now that the mind is focused on a particular perp. Anyway, T...
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    Starting to dissociate *now*?

    I've noticed a few incidents over the last year or two or five where I've been triggered when a CSA-related something unexpectedly is said or comes up. I have felt during these times that my brain is gently being split in two, or the front half of my body is sliding off or something like that...
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    Relationship Question for non-survivors re: dating > marrying a survivor with baggage?

    Yes, sorry, I did copy and paste from Pandy's and didn't think to proofread before posting here. I understand that being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD (even if they've "done the work", are less triggered, etc.) is going to be difficult at times. My question was more so for a...
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    Relationship Question for non-survivors re: dating > marrying a survivor with baggage?

    Greetings all! Well, the situation is this: I am a 36yo straight female with a history of CSA/R, cPTSD, etc. Except for the abuse/rapes (which explicitly returned to my conscious mind in 2014), I could have sworn I was a virgin, saving myself for marriage. Going through the whole...
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    IFS questions

    My T and I have been using IFS off and on for a few years, and it's really been the most helpful modality. Sometimes I'll be working with a smaller Part and instant body memories come up, or a problem in my day-to-day life gets resolved, etc. However, I'm wondering how much credence I should...
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    Has anyone ever "seen"...? Visual Flashbacks

    OK yes, I've definitely had a few full immersion blips FB out of nowhere, definitely pain, sometimes auditory as I'm falling asleep. But a superimposed bodiless... hoojibob? I had to ask.
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    Has anyone ever "seen"...? Visual Flashbacks

    Has anyone ever experienced "seeing" a p***s that isn't there? I'll give two examples: One was a few years ago, I was at my place of worship and, turning my head to the left, noticed an older man going into the restroom out in the lobby. I remember thinking: "Eww, now I'm picturing him in the...
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    What is generational trauma/what does it mean to you

    I definitely believe my "family" has carried generational trauma. My maternal grandmother (and apparently several of her siblings) was molested by a few different men (uncles, mother's boyfriends, etc), never dealt with it, learned to sweep it under the rug ("it's just part of being a girl")...
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    Eventful session, before and after

    Hi, everyone. So, I headed to therapy with the intention of sharing some triggery/flashbacky-type little things that happened during the week (like my daughter pushing my inner thigh slightly with her foot, resulting in immediate shooting V pain, etc). At the time, these always feel...
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    If just one person could tell me this is a thing that happens

    This was helpful/validating to read. I've read lots of experiences and have never come across anyone mentioning the ...other body having blood on it. It obviously makes sense, but I just always need to "verify" my memories through someone else's experience. Especially given my lack of...
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    If just one person could tell me this is a thing that happens

    Thank you both for your replies. Tonight my mind keeps repeating a flashback memory of him, whoever he is, trying to put it inside me, but it was soft so it just mushed and punched against my small underwearless body. The next flashback i had was a month later; it wasn't mushy then. It was...
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    If just one person could tell me this is a thing that happens

    In a weird place on this the eve of therapy. Presently remembering a flashback I had a few years ago. It is graphic and I'm going to describe it here since apparently there are no TWs for this site: Background: I was watching a Jim Gaffigan special and suddenly his jeans would not stop...
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    Dreams and dissociation questions

    Sorry @Sideways you're dealing with this today too. My nerves are still shot, jumping at everything, plus tummy issues. Ugh.
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    Dreams and dissociation questions

    Not sure where this post should go. Last night, following an emotional virtual T session dealing with attachment stuff earlier in the day, I had a night filled with sweaty epic nightmares that went on forever. In the first I came to find out my "origin story", or those early years of my life I...
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