Recent content by henamedmeowl

4/10/18 Wow. I have not written here in a while. I have been in the woods though and I've made it at least to the great plains. School will be done in a month and ill be moving soon.Nevertheless things persist and this is how I'm feeling today : I want to badly to have someone be there for me...

@lizbeth27 I attempted to get an assessment. Therapist just indicated that I likely have ASD but was quite dismissive of it because I am "high functioning". ...high functioning and anxiety go hand and hand..not to mention as you noted ..having ASD can make your more vulnerable to abuse. ..she...

I get her point about the disorganized attachment looking similar. I think though if you consider what you were like pretrauma then you can kinda rule out the attachment style. I feel like my aspergers factored into my abuse as well...it did make me an easy target it impacted every part of it...

I never had that experience. Hopefully, I create for my children.

Recently I have learned that I have Autism specifically high functioning or what used to be referred to as Aspergers. I always knew I was different but it made me understand the dynamics around my rape, my responses, the interaction between me and the rapist, even my later rationalizations of...

You have such a good point. I am going to try really hard to do just that. Thank you so much. i avoid writing, meditating, and being present with myself. For me when I open up to it..i don't have control of it and just keeps going and I seek out safety which opens me up for not good things at...

omfg. that is so horrible...but wow..there is so much truth in that ...I am actually crying right now...like I can't even deal with it. Thank you so much for sharing that. Today I am feeling really angry but that just ate up my anger and the real sadness and lack of control i feel came...

I know I should write. Most times though I don't want to open up ...it requires vulnerability..and a wall coming down...with a flood or more like tsunami of feeling falling over...it scares me because I can't easily close it up...so i let it all sort of pool inside of me and then can let it drip...

I take so long to reply, I apologize for that. Thanks..i think everyone is brave here...i remember when I first came to this site and the contact with other people was so uncomfortable and painful I almost ran away I think in some ways I probably did but all the sharing that goes on here from...

'Its been two weeks I am in so much pain that I can't breathe really. I think I am going to start a journal or blog for it. Night.

I also grew up being disassociated ...my partner though has never coneccted to me ...his family functions this way..in the beginning I was not really open for connection but for at least the last 8 years I have wanted it...he though has not and its not something he is really concerned about. I...

There are times when I come across people that I are really special and I feel like I would prefer to be with someone like that. I am aware of the possibility of cheating and I have to some degree emotionally within the last couple of years probably because I didn't want to kill myself and I...

Yeah we've been to therapy a ton of times. I am not going to go again. I am tired of begging for the same things I guess.

I feel like this too...and i feel like no one understands also...when i say that i mean the people in my life i want to be close with and that i want to stop hurting me by rejecting me as i am and expecting me be happy and normal. I am so tired.of not feeling safe because i dont feel ok at home...

Yes. I support him and if someone else needs me I show up. I think though it's abusive for him to lean on me so much..my ability to bear so much is because I am in survival mode..still fight or flight post trauma. He doesn't allow me to be weak its incredibly painful to be strong so often and be...