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Drowning From The Inside

4/10/18

Wow. I have not written here in a while. I have been in the woods though and I've made it at least to the great plains. School will be done in a month and ill be moving soon.Nevertheless things persist and this is how I'm feeling today :

I want to badly to have someone be there for me that loves me. I hate that it is a need. I hate that my partner was never that for me and I left him. I hate that I still don't know if he really was or not because maybe what I want is a fantasy and he is a representation of real life. I hate that the thought of this connection to another person being fake is such a painful and devastating thing to consider. I hate that I can't be objective about the situation at all. Maybe I am seeking a parent but is there really something very wrong with that ? I want a secure attachment. Is that really so horrible ?
 

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