Recent content by Intrepid

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    I’m sick today, so I stayed home from work. I feel kind of dizzy, feel weak, and don’t want to do anything. My eyes feel funny, like I’m really tired. I also feel triggered. I have for 3 days now. I wasn’t able to get into EMDR yesterday because of it. That’s okay, not getting...
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    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Triggered yesterday. Repeating for the last 3 weeks. Fear
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    More Flashbacks, less time to deal with them.

    I'm sick with a cold today and my wife suggested I take some cold medicine. This is triggering. I have a hard time seeing the difference between helping myself and helping my inner children. If I help my inner children I get beat. (Do they? I don't know). I forget where I am and lock up. My...
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    Confronting my mother but don’t want to hurt her

    It took a long time for my mom to talk about the abuse I experienced. She was the primary abuser, but grandpa got his hands on me too. She also was sexually and physically abused by her father. I liked it when she talked about her own abuse, but then she rarely got dramatic. When I talked...
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    Am i wasting my time?

    That's one of the things that made it really hard. I had a bad therapist once who because of the timing set the stage for my trust of other therapists. Of course the trauma also had its impact on my lack of trust. I told this to my current therapist and she really focused on the safety of the...
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    Avoidance: even of things i actually want to do.

    I don't want to take a shower because afterword I will feel slightly better, and that will leave me vulnerable to abuse. The not taking a shower is like putting on a shield. I felt hopeless yesterday. That's why I put on the shield. It keeps me from doing the next right thing. When I do the...
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    Childhood Was i sexually abused by my mother?

    Yes. What you describe is sexual abuse. There doesn't need to be physical contact.
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    Connecting locally

    I go to Alanon to find people who have had to deal with alcoholics. I relate to those people and feel connected, in a limited way. I go to AA because to find other alcoholics. It's one place I belong. The only thing that either of these groups do for my CPTSD is to take away other problems...
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    Childhood What Effects Did You Child Sexual Abuse/ Incest Have On You?

    My egg donor had a go at me, as well as her dad and a cousin. Mom was first when I was 5 and followed up by flashing me and describing her sexual frustrations to me as I got older. By the time grandpa got his hands on me at 6 years old I was numb. There was also a lot of physical abuse, so it...
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    Have you done emdr for years?

    . Totally! I can totally understand your frustration. I've felt that way with all kinds of therapy. I wish I had something better to say than to tell you some of my experience with EMDR. I had to take it slow getting into EMDR. I had an experience through a chaplain's group that was horribly...
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    Body memory - not sure how to release it

    I am terrified of going into a massage therapist. I expect to be re-traumatized. However, I'm working on this stuff in EMDR right now. I really appreciate all of the comments. It feels like they were all for me.
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    Unnatural not to be hyper-vigilant

    All my life I've been hyper-vigilant. Now it's no so bad. In fact sometimes like today I'm not hyper-vigilant at all. I found some solutions at work without getting obsessed with every detail of the problem. It was really a little thing. I fixed some jobs before they became a problem. But...
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    That's a good question. Today the pain of therapy comes when I offer up resistance, and then have to work through it. When I leave therapy I feel like I worked out. I'm exhausted. I often feel the pain of the trauma and of the work out. I can't say the pain of the trauma is getting better...
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    I just watched a video on You Tube that described an experience with being sexually abused. Your Healing from Incest - Kati Morton & Paul Gilmartin At the beginning I listened with skepticism because I'm skeptical about what happened to me. Then Paul described his mom giving him a bath. That...
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    Should I Reach Out?

    Last week I needed to reach out and didn't. I wanted to die. I didn't do anything harmful, but I could have. After I talked to my therapist and let her know what happened I called the local crisis line to ask when I should call them. First he said if I have a plan I should call. Then he...