Should I Reach Out?

[anonymous]

I have been really struggling lately between work challenges, financial challenges and family challenges. The last straw was a phone call I received from my daughter this afternoon. It has culminated with me not just thinking about ending my life but seriously considering it right now. Thinking about it, planning it and shaking so bad because I really think it is time for me to stop screwing up and in turn screwing up others lives.

I just want all of this over.

 

[anonymous]

I have been really struggling lately between work challenges, financial challenges and family challen...

Please seek out professional help. you sound like you are in danger. Call a crisis line

 

[Deadman]

Yes. Call a crisis line.

 

[barefoot]

Yes, please make a call.

 

[anonymous]

I appreciate your advice but crisis lines are not an option for me, it is a long story why but my T and I have an emergency plan I just have never actually used it. It is sad to feel like my entire life and world is imploding.

 

[barefoot]

Can you use the emergency plan you and your T have agreed instead of phoning a crisis line then?

If you are seriously contemplating taking action that could cause you harm and you are asking the question "should I reach out?" then I think the answer is that, yes, you should reach out.

Can you contact your T now? Is that what the two of you have agreed?

 

[Stitchin]

Oh honey I'm so sorry!
I know what you're going through. But please reach out, I survived a near successful attempt and I'm so glad I did - the only thing we can count on is change- that means the bad will get better. Please don't choose to hurt yourself. Seems like you're feeling like a burden to those you love maybe? But I'm certain you're loved and will deeply hurt many if you were to follow through on what you're feeling right now.
Please reach out Contact your T immediately

 

[Intrepid]

Last week I needed to reach out and didn't. I wanted to die. I didn't do anything harmful, but I could have. After I talked to my therapist and let her know what happened I called the local crisis line to ask when I should call them. First he said if I have a plan I should call. Then he said I should put my suicidal feelings on a scale from 1 to 10. If I hit a 5 then I need to call. That's not the perfect solution, but it made me feel a lot better.

 

[anonymous]

@barefoot yes contacting my T is what the plan says that I should do at this point but I am feeling torn, we had an extra session yesterday morning (3 this week). @Stitchin yes I am feeling like a major burden to those family that I am still in touch with as while I haven't gone officially no contact with my family of origin that is basically where we are out. It is just my children and one has been so angry/upset with me for months that over the Easter holiday she never reached out and posted a picture of herself and her cousins and their parents tagged as Easter with my family.

But it isn't just that things at work are tenuous because I am stuck on this major project, I already turned in one version and was sent back to the drawing board if my next submission is crap I will most likely get fired.

 

[Stitchin]

Don't panic about these things - they are situational, you are a survivor! Contact your therapist and talk for awhile. Remember things WILL get better, but I understand it doesn't feel this way right now.
BIG LOVE

 

[anonymous]

@Stitchin

you are a survivor

this is the problem and I am tired of it. I am tired of always having one more thing to survive. Sometimes I wonder if I was some horrible criminal or worse in another life because easy is not in the vocabulary of my life and no matter what I always end up with life in the difficult lane.

 

[Someday Soon]

It's hard, it's not easy and I don't believe it will ever be easy to constantly fight towards our path in life, a path littered with rough rocks and sharp edges. Moments pass, light comes back after the darkness, I know this feels like a feeble attempt to talk you into life, but please know, you are worth something to the world and whilst your path is rough right now it will become smooth eventually, keep fighting forward.