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Have you done emdr for years?

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Higgins

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Have any of you done long term EMDR, like years of it? I've done years of it and I am not making improvements. My therapist and I agree on this. Some of the big trauma events, like rapes and such are desensitized and don't really hurt like they used to, but the core beliefs are still here. So are the nightmares. (I now wonder if the residue is actually some medical issue instead. Otherwise, Complex PTSD is the shit of shit.) I've been doing EMDR so long I question if it's even helping me. If I look at any basic amount of time, like say a month, for every hour in EMDR, there are days and days when I am suicidal, debilitated by depression and such, so like for every hour in session, it's 4-5 days (if not more) out of session that are horrible, like truly horrible. This pattern has repeated every week for over three years. I've been suicidal now for two months straight, and haven't felt this low since before I started EMDR, because the traumas aren't painful, but there's still core beliefs that won't budge. I just want to know if anyone else who has Complex(or Combat) has done long-term EMDR, if you ever got to a point where you thought it was stupid and useless, and if you question its effectiveness. (Super frustrated over here, and with the headaches and the rest of it, I'm ready to call it quits.) Any long-term EMDR peeps, please tell me your experience.
 
Complex PTSD is the shit of shit
. Totally!

I can totally understand your frustration. I've felt that way with all kinds of therapy. I wish I had something better to say than to tell you some of my experience with EMDR.

I had to take it slow getting into EMDR. I had an experience through a chaplain's group that was horribly re-traumatizing. I also have a history of ignoring internal warning signs and jumping right into bad situations. So my therapist took 4 months of preparation before getting me going, and whenever I get flooded or otherwise incapable of processing effectively, she stops. At my insistence she will not put the EMDR process before my well being.

I've now been in EMDR for about 18 months. I have made progress. For a while I was getting all the horrible images of CSA that made me want to die. She backed me away from that. She respects my need to avoid re-traumatization. She says that I need to focus on where the feelings are in my body rather than on the images. That has helped me quite a bit. I'm not beating myself up with the pain.

Each session I bounce around starting with one of about 5 different difficult core beliefs. These are confusing and overwhelming, and just thinking about them makes me dizzy. My real goal isn't to squash these beliefs, but to build up who I am so I don't have to rely on them to protect me. EMDR helps with this by creating emotional back doors to all the walls and dissociation.
 
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