Recent content by pamcoco

  1. pamcoco

    Not again..... another smaller trauma and it's all up again.

    My shrink is very involved so it's been a couple of days and I have talked to him and my T several times. I fixed the window and have secured all the entry points. Luckily I should be moving in 3 weeks.
  2. pamcoco

    Not again..... another smaller trauma and it's all up again.

    I’m disappointed in myself. There was relatively small incident and I am so triggered I can barely function. I am at my mom’s house in Oregon alone and have been working on it for a year to get it sold. Last week I had a glass repair company send a worker out for an estimate. He was a young...
  3. pamcoco

    Freeze or Flight? Thoughts about time loss and workaholism?

    Hi arfie, it's been a while and can't remember how to quote you. "i support the theory that physical exhaustion is the primary catalyst of my dissociative episodes" Do you think this even when the episodes last years? The situation I refer to in the first post, I went to the doctor and while...
  4. pamcoco

    Freeze or Flight? Thoughts about time loss and workaholism?

    The difference between freeze and flight is confusing me. I absolutely lose myself in workaholism as a main coping strategy. But with that I also have severe disassociation, as in time loss. Time loss being one of my biggest problematic symptoms since the assaults, ranges from years to days, but...
  5. pamcoco

    Will I ever learn?

    My last few years, I intentionally, perhaps not wisely, have cared for each of my divorced parents, my Mom with Lewy Body and my Dad with Parkinsons and cancer. As much as I have tried to murder it, I can’t watch people I care about suffer. This position of closeness with my parents has caused...
  6. pamcoco

    To Medicate or not to medicate...

    I’m not a doctor by any means but do have some experience with some of the meds you list. Sertraline is not addictive. It is however a drug that should not be stopped abruptly and takes a while to take full effect. 50mg is a very low dose and I would say less than therapeutic for most people. I...
  7. pamcoco

    Loving Dangerous People

    Wow, I really relate to this, although my family was, has been and always will be the epitome of danger I seem unable to escape in everyone else. Last night, I weeded the final family member, my mother. The past 2 years cohabitating has reunited me with my young self, neglected, abused and...
  8. pamcoco

    Pick it all up, pack it, move. Repeat.

    I really relate to the listening to others, only to end up in a worse position. I am sorry and I feel you. Your post reached me today and that is no easy task. I am grateful. It is in my listening to others, rather than making a definitive solo decision that has displaced me again and again...
  9. pamcoco

    Pick it all up, pack it, move. Repeat.

    It’s groundhog day and I’m wondering if others experienced something similar? My life within ptsd took on a temporariness seemingly beyond my control. At first I resisted pulling up roots in spite of significant financial and relational problems. But, eventually it felt good to let go and...
  10. pamcoco

    Holding this off has kept me self destructive...

    It seems to never stop…. Somewhat settled in a new home, or so I thought, the crumble of my life has not quite completed. I must stand back in faith, honoring a process that remains beyond my comprehension. I couldn’t put words to my experiences, unable to define a perpetual barrage of attacks...
  11. pamcoco

    always losing time, every day the day seems to suddenly vanish before my eyes

    I lost several years after the assaults and still haven't regained a normal relationship with time. Years are like months, months like days and it seems the sun goes down the moment I wake. It is this disassociation that remains the most frightening about my journey
  12. pamcoco

    Ashamed of Self-Harming Again

    I totally relate as well and really agree with osiris. For me self harm is the release that prevents me from going further with SI. It gives me a relief I know many don't understand but it is the best decision in the moment. be kind to you!
  13. pamcoco

    Other What reasons were you given not to tell?

    I was allowed and spoke openly about our love affair (me 6/him 20). I was a parched soul in a desert and his fairytale, so hook, line and sinker, I never questioned it as mutual love until the aftermath of the assaults that happened in my early 40's. The reality that the family saw him come and...
  14. pamcoco

    extreme case of losing time, what is going on with me?

    I understand time loss too well and while the chunks lost are way shorter than the many years when I first realized it, I still find it frightening. Having an episode now that comes and goes, and during therapy last night I didn’t feel my TX got me. But then again would I be present enough to...
  15. pamcoco

    Just go to the Airport and leave...

    This is one of the benefits of ptsd for me. 5 years ago I packed my car with my pets and hit the road. Yesterday was the last truck load, which for the first time since, gathered my belongings at a home base. I am as agitated as hopeful, once again seeking roots that remain just outside my...
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