Recent content by pamcoco

I really appreciate your kindness Sideways. It’s so hard for people to get and seems to be just one more thing to add to my pile of perceived shortcomings. My situation has been extreme in many ways eventually leading my here. I’m now unable to afford my rent. I’m beginning a legal battle with...

Does anyone relate? I've had a severe sleep disorder for almost 20 years now. I don’t speak about it much, I've never experienced any compassion or explanation about it and this triggers isolation that brings me down a spiral. I am afraid to go to sleep and then afraid to wake up. Both are...

I have 2 thoughts or ideas, I guess. First that the rescue “fantasy” is hardwired. It’s a survival instinct that is essential to making it through extreme abuse, both physically and emotionally. I mean the fantasy is essential. I remember giving up hope as a child. It’s dangerous and in some...

My first experience with severe ptsd as an adult was trying to save a man with CPR but failing. I have to agree that the smell sticks with you. It was the smell I couldn’t move past, it was in the air for over a year and made me distraught. I can still smell it when I think of it. As a child...

I have trouble with these types of antidotes. For the same reason I also hate the term “survivor” in place of “victim”. The negative associations with people that are harmed is what needs to be addressed. "Victim” is so negative it’s as insulting as profanity. There’s an overall societal belief...

KA60 I’ve been thinking about your wisdom the last few days and contemplating my response while breaking my back moving this week. Then this evening I was texted in passing by my cousin about my father’s poor condition in ICU…The thing is I didn’t know he was even hospitalized. My life hit...

Well put. I can’t imagine coming to any other conclusion.

I’m moving, again. I feel loss pretty much all the time. An impending doom that’s terrified of what attack is coming next. This feeling has become the standard from which I make decisions. It’s like I can’t bother imagining a life I want. From a broken vulnerable little girl that seeks shelter...

I have been raped, burglarized, assaulted and vandalized and not one of the 5 police departments I have contacted about the MANY crimes will even write out a report. My father’s estate is being embezzled by my brother, whom has POA. He has already targeted me and managed to cause the...

Denial is a beast for me. I experience it more in relationships than denying the trauma. But with the slightest vapor of kindness I bury the reality of who people really are. I try to think of it like Stockholm Syndrome because somehow that feels less self deprecating.

I'm not encouraging you to cut, but I am a cutter too. I only started after I experienced 3 unrelated sex crimes during 3 months of 2009. But, wow, does it help. It's highly misunderstood in my experience. People tend to associate it as one inch from taking your own life, but for me any way, it...

...and I just have my one cat and dog because my other cat died 2 weeks ago. They're my life. They seem to really get me! Hope you get that purr that touches everything lonely...

Usually if they have to ask they're not going to get it any way....